‘I think my goddaughter might well have some messages you could carry to Somerset for her,’ she said, with a smile. ‘You’ll excuse me, I’m sure, if I leave her to give them to you. Goodbye, Mr Deverell.’
After she had left the room there was a short, difficult silence. Then Lexi broke it with a touch of her old impulsive style. ‘Did Johnny know about your father’s illness, Richard? Or did you keep it from him, too?’
‘I didn’t tell anyone.’
‘Why not? I thought Johnny was your best friend. I thought you and I were friends, too.’
Richard heard the hurt anger in her voice and said quickly, ‘Of course you are! You Rawdons are the only real family I’ve known.’ He frowned. ‘I’m sorry. I suppose I should have explained, but it’s a painful subject… I don’t find it easy to talk about it.’
‘Not even to us?’
‘Not even to you, Alexandra. You must have realised long ago that my father rejected me almost as soon as I was born. That’s no secret. We have always been strangers to each other. His illness was not serious at first, and though it was regrettable it was not important to me. But it now looks as if he might die. Have you any idea what that would mean?’
His bitter tone puzzled Lexi. ‘You inherit the title?’ she said uncertainly.
‘There’s much more to it than that. In spite of all the evidence, I’ve hoped all my life my father would one day finally accept me, that he might even show me a little affection. Stupid of me, I know.’ He raised his eyes, and they were for once unguarded. The pain in them made Lexi gasp. He looked away immediately. ‘If he dies now, any hope I might once have cherished about getting to know him will be lost forever…’
‘Richard…’ Quite forgetting her own feelings, Lexi went to him and put her hand on his arm. He looked down at it, but made no move to take it.
‘Then there’s the question of my future,’ he went on.
‘How?’
‘The Deverell estates are not entailed. My father is free to leave Channings and everything else he owns to anyone he chooses. The only certain income I have comes from what my mother left me.’
‘No! He couldn’t cut you out of your inheritance! It wouldn’t be right! You love Channings even more than he does!’
Richard said wearily, ‘He resents my very existence. How do I know what he might or might not do?’
‘But you haven’t done anything to justify such a terrible thing!’
‘Except to be born. To survive, when my mother didn’t.’
Lexi’s heart twisted at the bitterness in Richard’s voice. But she rallied and said passionately, ‘I don’t believe for one moment that Lord Deverell will cut you out of his will! He must at least be aware of what he owes to his name, if not to you personally. Channings would never survive without you! No, Richard, you must not even think it! And there’s still time for him to make some gesture towards you.’
‘A deathbed reconciliation? Most unlikely. But I’ll try. Alexandra, I’m sorry if I hurt you. Will you forgive me? We’ve always been friends. I wouldn’t want to lose you.’
‘Friends?’ She gave a wry smile. ‘Always, Richard. Forever.’
The Season came to an end and Lexi thanked her godmother and went back to Somerset. Lady Wroxford was reluctant to let her go.
‘I’ve enjoyed your company, my dear,’ she said. ‘Johnny is all Rawdon, but you… You may have the Rawdon hair, but you have the same lovely eyes as your dear mother. And you are like her in so many other ways.’ She hesitated. ‘I’m sorry I couldn’t find a husband to please you. I had great hopes for you when you came.’
‘Ma’am, please don’t blame yourself. No one could have been kinder or more concerned. But my heart was given away before I really knew I had one. There will never be anyone else for me.’
Lady Wroxford nodded sadly. ‘I hope Mr Deverell will eventually realise what a treasure he could have in you, but you’ll have to be patient. At the moment his future is so uncertain that no man of honour could ask a girl to share it. From what Honoria Standish says, his mother’s estate would hardly give him enough to live on.’
Lexi stared at her, then her face lit up. ‘You think that’s the reason he…? What a fool! What a great fool he is! As if I cared about his wretched inheritance! Oh, just wait till I see him!’
Her godmother looked very worried. ‘No, no, you mustn’t say anything, Lexi! Mr Deverell may be very fond of you, in fact, I’m sure he is, but love…? That I do not know. But I am also sure he’s a proud man, willing to ask favours of no one, not even someone he loved. You’ve learned a lot of restraint since coming to London, and my advice is to hold on to it now. This isn’t a child’s game, and you mustn’t think it is. No rushing in in your old style, do you hear? You won’t gain anything by it.’
‘Yes, yes! But Richard and I are friends. I can say anything to him. He won’t be offended. If only I were sure he loved me…’
Her godmother sighed. ‘Well, remember, Lexi… If anything should ever go wrong, don’t wait to ask if you can come here. I should be very glad to help you all I can—for your own sake, as well as your mother’s.’
Lord Deverell died without any attempt at reconciliation, but he had after all left everything to his son. However, the situation between Richard and Lexi was not to be resolved for another year. Channings itself had been well looked after, but the rest of the Deverell estates—some of them in Scotland—had been neglected for so long that Richard was forced to travel for the rest of the year to make the acquaintance of managers and stewards who had never seen him before, in order to satisfy himself that his possessions were in good hands. For the most part they were. The late Lord Deverell had been better served than he merited.
So Lexi saw little of Richard during this time, and when he came back she had no time herself. Her own father was taken ill and they thought for a while that he was going to die. He needed weeks of careful nursing and Lexi spent long hours in the sick room with him. Richard frequently came to sit with Sir Jeremy, chatting to him about local affairs and his own plans for Channings, but after taking a look at Lexi’s pale cheeks and heavy eyes he always insisted she should go out for a ride with Johnny, or a walk in the grounds. They seldom spent more than five minutes in each other’s company, and hardly any time alone.
Then, to the consternation of all those who had rejoiced in his defeat the year before, Napoleon escaped from Elba. Out of the blue, Johnny and Richard were recalled to service by the only man who could have persuaded them to come back to the Army—their commander in the Peninsula, Wellington himself. Because of his father’s recent illness, Johnny was given a post in London, but Richard was sent all round Europe with letters for Vienna, Brussels and the headquarters of other Allies as they all prepared for Napoleon’s attack.
He returned to London in the spring of 1815 and joined Johnny, who was acting as one of Wellington’s Liaison Officers at the Horse Guards. And at Easter they came down to Somerset for a whole week.
It was not altogether a happy visit. Richard seemed more than usually reserved, and Johnny was frequently moody, on edge and irritable. He was drinking more than he should, too. Lexi tried once or twice to ask him what was wrong, but he always put her off, and in the end she decided that if anyone was in Johnny’s confidence it would be Richard. But she had to wait till the day before they left before she could ask him about her brother.
They had all three planned to visit the river bank again, but at the last minute Johnny lost his temper over some triviality