He’d asked that question as he traveled to Clearville and still wasn’t sure he’d come up with an adequate answer to satisfy himself, let alone one Sophia would accept. All he knew was that the hurt in her eyes when he’d blurted out the truth had haunted him since he’d left, and he couldn’t stand the thought of that being his last memory of Sophia. So here he was, standing in the kitchen of her childhood home, ready to give an explanation she didn’t want to hear. An apology she wouldn’t accept.
Her crossed arms, raised chin and closed expression all told him she wasn’t going to listen to anything he had to say. Not here, not now. But he had time … if he dared to take it.
“What am I doing?” he echoed. “I’m enjoying your family’s company. I’d expected I’d have to fight through your brothers to see you—” his eyebrow rose in question “—but for some crazy reason, they think we’re dating.”
Evading his gaze, she focused on a wall clock shaped like a rooster. Color slowly faded from her cheeks, along with her previous fire, and Jake dropped any hint of teasing. “What’s going on, Sophia?”
She shook her head and swallowed. “It’s like you said. My family still thinks we’re dating … for the crazy reason that I haven’t told them otherwise.”
“Just like you haven’t told them what happened in Chicago or that you’re no longer working for the Dunworthys.” From what he gathered in passing conversations, her family had no idea Sophia had been fired … or the reason why. The Pirellis seemed to think Sophia was on paid leave while her employers vacationed overseas.
“Yet another proud moment in my life,” she muttered. Her embarrassment and disappointment was obvious in the slump to her shoulders and downcast eyes. Jake felt his heart lurch as if urging him to do something. Uncertain what else he could offer, he quietly asked, “Do you want me to tell your family what happened?”
Dragging her gaze from the ceramic tile that had replaced the worn linoleum floor of her childhood, Sophia stared up at Jake Cameron, a man who knew the worst and best of the secrets she still hadn’t told her family. A man who was a virtual stranger—since for all she knew everything he’d told her was a lie, a man who treated getting shot like a paper cut—and the urge to escape overwhelmed her. She spun toward the door, but her family still waited outside. The trapped, suffocating feeling she’d had as a teenager closed in on her, reminding her of all the reasons why she’d run from Clearville years ago.
But a different edge raced along the fine blade of tension now, one she’d never felt before meeting Jake. A fear that running would never be enough until she found some place—someone—she could run to. She shoved the ridiculous thought aside and took a deep breath that teased her senses with the hint of Jake’s woodsy aftershave combined with the smoke from the charcoal—a scent more appetizing than the burgers he’d grilled.
“Do you want me to?” he asked again, stepping close enough for her to feel the heat of his body running down her spine, buttocks and the backs of her thighs. She turned to face him, realizing too late the temptation of his broad chest was just a deep breath away from her breasts and his lips hovered just out of reach of her own … unless she stood on tiptoe, as she’d learned the night of their second date.
“Sophia?”
“What?” Sophia demanded, horrified she’d somehow given her desire away.
“Do you want me to tell your family?” he repeated, a slight frown coming to his handsome face.
Feeling her cheeks burn, she shook her head to clear her heated thoughts. “Of course not,” she scoffed, though she was a bit tempted to dump all the responsibility on Jake. But she wasn’t that big of a coward. “They’re my family. I’ll tell them.”
His golden gaze searched hers, his expression more enigmatic than she’d ever seen in St. Louis. For those few short weeks, he’d struck her as completely sincere, honest and easy to read. It hurt all over again to realize not only his words had been a lie. Everything about the Jake Cameron she’d met, the Jake Cameron she’d liked had been a con.
“Or …” His voice trailed off, dangling the bait of an answer she had yet to consider.
“Or what?”
“Or you could let them believe we’re still seeing each other until you’re ready to tell the truth.”
That had been her plan all along, hadn’t it? Easing into the truth like dipping a toe into the shock of an icy pond instead of diving in headlong. But looking up into the intensity of Jake’s golden gaze, she felt the heat of his stare searching her face before settling on her mouth. A sudden trembling attacked her legs and threatened her ability to stand. Desperate to fight off that weakness before Jake could see how easily he still affected her, Sophia mocked, “You mean pretend to be dating? Well, you’d certainly be good at it.”
His jaw tightened to the point where she expected to hear his molars crack, but when he spoke, his voice was as deep and calm as ever. “You have a choice, Sophia.”
His gaze shifted to a spot over her shoulder, and she glanced back. The lace curtain over the back door window offered a snowy, diffused view of her family outside. Sam and Drew were telling some story that had both her parents laughing. Even Nick looked like he was enjoying himself.
Once again, she would be the one changing that, wiping away their happiness and replacing it with worry and disappointment. Swallowing, she turned away and looked back at Jake. “Why would you do this?”
“Let’s just say I owe you,” he said. “There is a condition, though.”
“Figures,” she muttered. “What’s the condition?”
“I want to know why you’ve let your family believe we’re still seeing each other.”
Tell Jake or tell her entire family? Math had never been her favorite subject, but even she could do those calculations. “You remember meeting my aunt Donna when she came to visit Theresa?” At Jake’s nod, Sophia said, “Well, she definitely remembers meeting you. All she could talk about was what a great guy you are.”
Jake flinched at her words, and for the first time, Sophia wondered if his guilt and regret might be the real thing.
That, or he’s playing you, a cynical voice warned. The same way he played you from the moment you met … or maybe even before that.
It wasn’t like her to view every action with suspicion and doubt, but she’d been burned too many times before. If she let herself believe anything Jake said, she’d only be setting herself up for another heartache.
“Sophia—”
She shook her head, cutting off an apology she couldn’t afford to accept. “My parents have been married for thirty-five years. I know how rare that is in this day and age, but in my family, people still believe that’s the way it’s supposed to be. That marriage is for life and family means everything. How am I supposed to admit that I’m pregnant and that the father of my child will always be this nameless, faceless nonentity in our lives? In my child’s life?”
Sophia didn’t mean for the words to keep spilling out, but once she started, she couldn’t seem to stop. “But you! See, my aunt Donna met you! She thought you were a nice guy. I even had a few pictures from when we went out—to the ballgame, and the zoo.” Sophia shook her head. “You were a single bright spot amid everything that was going wrong in my life and—it was stupid to think that would be enough. But, I don’t know, it just seemed like better than nothing.”
Her hands dropped uselessly to her sides, and she glanced up at Jake, anticipating his reaction. What she saw, though, was the last thing she expected. Tension had taken hold of his body, leaving behind taut lines of muscle and bone. “Jake—”
The back door opened before she could