“Nine more days, which is why I’m here now. Nine days is a long time. Too long.”
That feeling in the pit of her stomach turned into a hard knot as the hint of a custody battle took on stronger overtones. Cade had never fought her on her being custodial parent, so why now? “Meaning?” she asked, struggling not to sound as apprehensive as she felt.
“Meaning I don’t get enough time with Michael. He’s growing up, and every other weekend isn’t working for me. You’ve been gone two months, Belle, and the arrangement is driving me crazy. So I decided to take a few weeks off my practice and hang around Big Badger, see what’s rocking his world these days. Discover things I can’t discover in my allotted few hours of visitation.”
“Why now, Cade? It’s been this way for five years, so why now?”
“Because I’m getting older.”
She shook her head. “That’s not it.”
“Maybe there’s not one certain ‘it’, Belle. Maybe I just want to be included more.”
Like he’d wanted to be included in their marriage, but hardly ever showed up for it? Like he’d wanted to be included in so many of the other milestones they should have been celebrating as a family, only Cade had always, conveniently, been missing from them? Cade had been the consummate husband in absentia, so why this? And why now? “You’re not sick, are you? A terminal illness, or something life-threatening?”
He chuckled. “You always were straight to the point but, no, I’m not sick. Does that disappoint you?”
“Believe it or not, Cade, I don’t hate you. Never have, and unless you give me cause, like taking Michael away from me, I never will.”
“Is that what you think? That I’m here to take Michael away from you?”
“Seems logical, doesn’t it? Things are going along fine then, out of the blue, you’re here, telling me you want to make changes. So is that what it’s about, Cade? Do you want to take Michael away from me?”
“What I want, what I’ve always wanted, is what’s best for him. That’s you, Belle. I wouldn’t take him away from you, and I’m sorry you’d think I would.” He shook his head. “That’s the second time I’ve apologized for causing you to think the worst of me. It’s not how I want it to be between us, you know.”
She was relieved. Still curious, since Cade was acting so out of character. But very relieved. “I know, and neither do I. And for what it’s worth, I really didn’t think you would take him from me. We’ve had our bad moments, Cade, but I didn’t think you’d do that. It’s just that you showing up here the way you have makes me uncomfortable. I don’t know what to expect.”
“And in your life you always like to know what to expect.” It was said with no malicious intent whatsoever.
“It’s who I am.” And part of the reason their marriage had failed. Cade never had understood that in her. “So anyway, I know you miss Michael, but what’s the real reason you’re here?”
“That is the real reason. Can’t it be just that simple?”
She shook her head, then gestured for him to follow her through to the exam rooms and into her private office, trying not to think about how Cade was still on the verge of something that, try as she did to fight it, made her feel anxious. “So, on a whim, you can just walk away from your surgical practice?” she asked, shutting the door behind her and grappling for something, anything, to steady her nerves. A deep breath, a sturdy wall to lean on. Amicable divorce, yes, amicable parenting arrangements, yes. But there was nothing amicable about the way she was feeling as this was all about Cade wanting to change her life again, no matter how simple he claimed this matter of his was going to be. “You can just decide you don’t want to work then fly to Texas for a day or two?”
“Actually, like I said a minute ago, I’m here for a few weeks. That’s one of the advantages of being co-owner of a growing surgical practice. You get to make the rules. And since there are always a dozen or so other surgeons to cover for me, I decided I needed—well, you can believe what you want, but I came to spend some time with Michael.”
“Really? A few weeks?” This was making less and less sense by the minute. “You’re going to stay in Big Badger for a few weeks?” Normally, Cade was one step shy of arrogance, but she didn’t see that in his eyes. They were the eyes that kept him hidden, blocked the light from his soul. Not now, though. Cade was not only serious about staying here, he was emotionally invested in it.
“Seriously, Belle, is wanting more time with my son such a bad thing?”
Under most circumstances, no. And she didn’t know what to think about this now. Except she’d seen that flicker of emotion in his eyes just then. Brief, but definitely there. The same flicker of emotion she’d seen the day Michael had been born, same flicker she’d seen the day she’d told Cade that Michael had been diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome. Cade Carter kept most of himself hidden, but not always. And those unhidden moments were always genuine. She knew that with all her heart. “OK, I understand that you’re not going to tell me everything, and I don’t have time to stand here and try arguing it out of you. I do think you want to see Michael, and for now I’m going to leave it at that. But later, Cade. We’re going to deal with this—this whatever it is—whether or not you like it.”
“I swear, it’s all about Michael,” he said, putting on the old Cade grin. The charmer grin that had got her into trouble in the first place. “And since we have an open agreement about him—”
“Before you make any more plans, I’ve made arrangements for him in Austin for the next three weeks. It’s a good program. It’s gained lots of awards for its advances in autism, and is headed by a doctor who’s internationally known for her work.”
“Which he doesn’t need to go to now that I’m here to spend that time with him.”
“But it’s arranged.”
“And I don’t remember you asking me about it.”
“OK, maybe I should have asked, like you should have asked before just showing up here unannounced. But a month ago, when I told you I wanted to talk to you about a program I’d found for him, you said you’d get back to me. Said that to me each of the three other times I tried talking to you about it. Remember that?”
He drew in a stiff breath. “I was busy.”
“I was, too.” Now the charm had dissolved, and they were back to the same old problems. “But I made the time to investigate the program, and made the time to try and get you to listen to me about it. But you weren’t listening at all, were you? That’s why you’re here now. Because you didn’t hear a word I said, sort of like the way it was when we were married.” There was no disputing they both wanted what was best for their son, but that’s where the co-operation stopped. Cade had his ideas, which were, basically, more love and more involvement could cure anything. She had hers, which were to find her son the best available programs for children with Asperger’s syndrome. That didn’t preclude more love and more involvement. It merely gave Michael one more shot at having a better life. “So I hope you bought a round-trip ticket, because if you hurry, you can be back in Chicago by tonight.”
“Unenroll him. I want to spend the next few weeks with him.”
“No, I’m not going to unenroll him. You’ve got Michael six straight weeks at the end of summer, and that’s all you’re getting, so deal with it. Go home, leave me alone.” Arrangements had already been made for Cade to take Michael back to Chicago with him, which she didn’t like but which she hoped would be good for her son. Unlike Cade, she had no intention of stepping in and trying to upset things. Michael’s life was a precarious balance, and he didn’t