Or Anya.
The night they had shared last week could never have taken place.
This morning could never have happened.
Yet if he told Daniil or Anya this, it would show them how much he needed them, but he did not want to invade their lives so he said nothing.
‘That fight.’ Daniil had a question. ‘It was to make me go, wasn’t it?’
‘You wouldn’t have left otherwise.’
‘I didn’t want to go.’
‘Look at all you have. The family you went to—’ Roman started, but Daniil suddenly stood.
‘I was sent to hell!’ he told Roman. ‘I was a replacement for their dead child.’
Roman just sat there unmoved. ‘You got a good education.’
‘Poshyol ty...’ Daniil swore at his brother in Russian.
‘I thought we were supposed to speak English in front of your wife,’ Roman calmly reminded him.
‘You don’t know what it was like...’ Daniil said.
‘Because you never wrote and told me.’
Oh, there was so much hurt on both sides.
‘I did, but I’ve since found out that my adopted parents never sent the letters. I changed my name from Daniel Thomas back to Daniil Zverev just so that you could find me.’
‘I saw that you did.’
‘When?’
‘Last year.’
‘And still you waited?’
Oh, no! Libby thought as she sat there, bemused by their reactions. She knew how hard Daniil had searched for his twin and simply didn’t understand. She wanted hugs and champagne and smiling Russians.
This wasn’t how it was supposed to be!
‘I’ll get the baby!’ she said, and dashed out and returned with a tiny sleeping infant in her arms, hoping that Nadia would work her magic.
‘How old is she?’ Roman asked as Libby came back.
‘Two weeks,’ Libby said.
That was the age he and Daniil had been when they had been left at the orphanage.
Or the guessed age.
‘You can hold her,’ Libby said.
‘No.’ Roman shook his head. ‘Let her sleep.’
But Libby put the baby in his arms.
He had never held one.
‘She’s very light,’ Roman said, and then the baby stirred and opened her eyes and she recognised the eyes that stared back at her as her father’s.
She was absolutely beautiful and she looked a combination of both Libby and Daniil, and of course that meant she looked as if she could almost be his. It was odd, he had never imagined himself a father, or Daniil come to that. Now, he looked at the tiny infant and felt a rush of emotion and also relief to see her so safe and cared for and to know his brother had done well and would take very good care of his wife and child.
Roman was doing everything he could to get through these days. Catching up with his past was agony, and to hold her for even a moment longer meant he might break down.
He had never shed a tear.
Not one.
And he would not now.
He handed Nadia back to Libby and then he stood and got to the reason he was there.
‘I had this made for Nadia.’ He went to hand over the box to Libby but Daniil intervened.
‘She gets christened in an hour. You can give it to her after the service. We are all coming back here for a small celebration.’
‘I can’t attend the christening.’
‘I don’t give a damn about your new identity and whether you can be seen out or not with us,’ Daniil said. ‘You will be at your niece’s christening.’
Roman said nothing.
‘Nikolai will be there and so too will Sev—he married a couple of weeks ago but he’s returning from his honeymoon just to attend. He’s made the effort to be there and so too will you. We are all getting together on Nikolai’s yacht afterwards. The four of us will be together again.’
They had once all been so close.
‘Anya might be coming to the christening. You remember her...’ Daniil said. ‘The cook’s daughter who always danced?’
‘Vaguely.’
‘She’s a prima ballerina now.’ Daniil said what Roman already knew.
‘And she was almost Nadia’s godmother,’ Libby sighed, and Roman frowned.
‘You’re that close?’
‘Not really,’ Libby admitted. ‘Well, we’re all ballet dancers...’
‘All?’
‘My friend Rachel and I, but Anya keeps herself apart.’
‘Is that how you met her?’ Roman asked. He was curious while trying not to let on that he knew Anya intimately. ‘You have danced together?’
‘No, no,’ Libby said. ‘I retired last year and Daniil took me to the ballet to cheer me up.’
‘It didn’t work,’ Daniil said in a dry voice.
‘Well,’ Libby continued, ‘Daniil recognised Anya from the program and we went backstage and we’ve kept in touch since then. We weren’t sure if Rachel could be there today and Anya had offered to step in as godmother. I found out last night that Rachel can make it after all. I think I’ve offended Anya, so she might not come.’
The intercom buzzed. It would seem that the caterers had arrived and Libby gave a yelp when she saw the time.
‘I have to get Nadia changed. Roman...’ Libby took a breath. ‘You are coming to the christening?’
Roman hesitated. The fact Anya might not be there made it easier so he nodded.
Alone with his twin, for a moment before the caterers invaded and the christening day took hold, they stared at the other then Roman spoke. ‘I’ll let you get ready and see you at the church.’
‘Come in the car with us.’
‘I’ve got my own driver.’
‘Don’t disappear again, Roman,’ Daniil warned.
He couldn’t if he tried.
Now that contact had been made, he wanted to be in their lives.
‘You’re a curse, Roman.’ He thought of Katya’s words. ‘A burden on the system. You’re not even suitable for adoption, what family would want you in it?’
His?
Roman had to be sure.
AS ANYA CLIMBED out of the taxi her eyes scanned the gathered crowd outside the church but there was no sign of him.
He wasn’t here.
She had flown in from Paris that morning and had booked a return flight for this afternoon to safeguard her from a night in bed with Roman.
As