He really hadn’t had any intention of ever having anything to do with her again—even in passing. That note had been an aberration she could put down to the emotional goodbye they’d been going through. Each kiss had been their last, only to be followed by another, and another, until Marshall’s friend had hauled him away and into an army truck.
She’d stood, fingers pressing his kisses deep into her swollen lips, trying to keep Marshall’s touch, his scent with her. Swallowing buckets of tears as the truck had disappeared round a corner, taking Marshall away forever.
Dad broke into her memories. ‘Maybe you should drop your search.’ He’d been sceptical right from the start about the man who’d got his daughter pregnant. Fair enough, she supposed. Fathers expected every man coming within reach of their girls to treat them carefully.
But what Dad wouldn’t concede was that Marshall didn’t have a clue she’d had his child, wouldn’t believe that Marshall was a good man at heart. Of course, Dad hadn’t met him.
She knew different. Or so she told herself regularly. ‘No, I refuse to contemplate that.’ Marshall had affected her deeply the very first time she’d laid eyes on him in the ED at the hospital in Honolulu where she had been doing post-grad work. His intense gaze had locked with hers and they’d both stepped closer as he’d teased her about her accent. When he’d smiled at her she’d felt as though she’d found something, someone she’d been unwittingly looking for all her life.
At the end of their shift he’d taken her hand and led her out of the department, out of the hospital and along the road to the beach. Walking barefoot in the warm sand, the waves crashing only metres away, her hand firmly held by Marshall’s much larger and stronger one and her shoulder brushing his arm, she’d thought she’d died and gone to heaven.
And in the warm air, with laughter and chatter spilling out from the restaurants dotting the foreshore, he’d taken her in his arms and kissed her so thoroughly her body had melted. She’d held onto him like he was a lifeline. Her body had wanted his, craved the release she’d known he, and only he, could bring her. Every nerve ending had desired his touch. Every muscle had trembled with anticipation.
Then he’d swung her up into his arms and run up the sand, across the road and into the first hotel they’d come to. She had always wondered what might’ve happened if a room hadn’t been available. There’d been no way they could’ve made it all the way to the tawdry apartment block where the hospital provided rooms for temporary doctors before they gave in to the pulsing heat gripping them.
Their affair had started that night in a burst of passion that had been insatiable. It ended as abruptly two weeks later when Marshall had been sent away to some unknown place with his army troop.
She’d missed him ever since, as though he’d taken a chunk from her heart with him. Damn it. That hadn’t been part of the deal. Neither had coming home pregnant.
‘I wouldn’t be looking for him if not for Aimee.’ Yeah, sure. Her pride would’ve prevented her chasing after him like some lovelorn teenager. Did she love him? She’d enjoyed him and the things they’d got up to in bed. But love him? Unfortunately she had a feeling she did. Otherwise why else did she still dream of him most nights? What other reason was there for daydreaming about him moving here and sharing her home? Maybe marrying her?
Reaching for the laptop, she opened it and waited for her program to reboot. Reality sucked. And hurt. Her love wouldn’t ever be returned, and yet it was vitally important she track him down. For Aimee’s sake, at least. ‘I always knew there was no future for us.’
Dad gave her one of his ‘This is your father talking’ looks that she’d known all her life. It would lead into something she should probably take note of. Except she was an adult now, didn’t need her father’s wisdom. Much.
‘Why don’t you stop trying to find this guy for a while? Save your energy for getting completely well again and then maybe it won’t be essential for Aimee to have her dad here.’ He tried to hide the quiver of fear colouring his voice but she knew him too well.
Staring at her dad, holding onto the surge of her own fear, she ground out, ‘I have to find him. Aimee deserves a father, even if only a remote one.’ Would Marshall be thrilled or furious when he finally learned her news? There was only one way to find out and so far that hadn’t gone too well.
‘You’ve put too much time and effort into this for most of the past year. Let it go for a while. Put it out there and see what comes back.’
‘Dad? Put it out there?’ Despite everything, a giggle spilled across her lips. ‘Where did you get that idea?’
Dad’s cheeks coloured. ‘From your pal, Gemma.’
‘That’s typical of Gemma, but I never thought I’d hear you say it.’ Gemma and Dad? Had she missed something? Gemma often dropped by on the pretext of seeing her and Aimee but what if her older friend’s real interest was Dad? How did that make her feel? No blinding pangs of anger or disappointment struck. Surely that had to tell her something?
‘Charlie,’ Dad called loudly to get her attention back. ‘What I’m saying is there are other things you could be doing with your time rather than getting obsessed about something you’ve got no control over.’
She sat back in the lounger and stared at the laptop screen. Her finger hovered over the pad, ready to open the internet link. Could she stop searching? For a while at least? Take a break from the heart-wrenching negativity that failure to find Marshall regularly dumped on her when she already had enough to deal with?
It wouldn’t be easy when finding Marshall had dominated her thoughts for what seemed like for ever. This campaign had driven her to get up in the mornings when her body ached so badly she wanted to swallow pills and dive back into sleep to avoid the real world.
Doing what Dad had suggested might free her. Enable her to see the situation for what it was. She was a solo mother whose first priority was her daughter. Aimee needed her healthy and focused, not slumbering in self-pity and trying to do the impossible.
She closed down the laptop. Then she looked at her father, really looked, and saw the extra lines on his face, there because of her. Her chest swelled with love. ‘Okay, Dad, here’s the deal. I’ll …’ she emphasised her words by flicking her forefingers in the air ‘… put finding Marshall out there if you start focusing on getting your old life back. I don’t mean working longer hours at the medical centre. I’m talking fishing, hiking in the mountains, meeting your pals for a round of golf.’ Pausing, she watched the longing flick through his eyes so fast he probably thought he’d got away with it. She really had wrecked his life since coming home from Honolulu. Sticking her tongue in her cheek, she added, ‘Did I mention dating? Definitely need to find time for that.’ Should she bring Gemma’s name into it? No, best leave that to Dad to sort out. For now anyway. She could give him a prod later if necessary.
‘Dating?’ he snorted. ‘Me? At my age? You’ve been taking too many painkillers again.’
‘Yeah, Dad, you. At your ripe old age of fifty-nine.’ Thankfully right then a sound came from inside the house. Charlie usually heard her daughter crying almost before Aimee opened her mouth. Motherhood was so connected. As though a fine but strong strand of love ran between them so that deep inside she felt everything Aimee did.
‘There goes my peace and quiet.’ Charlie smiled, completely unfazed by the interruption.
Despite helping other women bring their babies into the world during her medical training, the overpowering strength of her love for one special little individual placed into her arms moments after the birth had been a revelation. And something Marshall had missed out on.
Her father chuckled as he returned to weeding the flowerbed beneath a pohutukawa tree. Obviously not too fazed by the dating suggestion, then. ‘Go on with you. You’ve been waiting for Aimee to wake up for the last hour.’
‘True.’