Surprisingly, he didn’t miss the women. Perhaps if he’d made an effort to develop a genuine relationship with any of them, he would. But he’d avoided anything serious. You couldn’t miss what you’d never had.
Now, though, he knew what he wanted. He wanted a good woman in his life. He wanted children with her and he wanted to leave behind a legacy, like his parents had done. Something lasting.
Sara knew all of that about him because he’d told her. Oh, the late-night talks they would have after making love! They would talk about anything and everything.
First loves. The first time they’d ever made love.
Their favorite books, movies, foods. The people who had helped shape them into the people they were today. They even talked about those painful high-school episodes in which Sara had been ridiculed and Jason had stood by and said nothing to prevent it.
She didn’t blame him. However, he blamed himself.
She knew how hard it had been for him to fit in at Santa Rosa High. And the bus ride between Santa Rosa High and Glen Ellen, during which she and he had been the only black students, had sometimes been pure hell.
He sat up front with the rest of the football players, laughing and cracking jokes.
She sat in the back, hunkered down, her nose in a textbook, hoping all the while that no one would say anything to her. Please, God, just make me invisible!
It didn’t help that she was overweight, wore glasses, and had skipped a grade. The kids regarded her as a freak of nature. But she had hoped, the entire two years that she rode the bus with Jason Bryant, that he would say something nice to her. He never did. He simply looked at her with sympathy in his eyes. She hated him for that. He could deride her like the rest of them, but she didn’t want his pity. She was glad when he’d graduated. The next two years, she was the only black student on the bus between Santa Rosa High and Glen Ellen, and that suited her fine. She grew tough. They made her grow a thick skin. They made her turn inward and realize what a strong, competent person she could become if she wanted to. It was trial by fire, and she had passed.
Now, as she embraced the man who had once been the boy she’d hated, she found that she only wanted to love him. Her present life, however, made that impossible.
She needed to make some changes of her own.
Finally, she kissed him full on the mouth.
His response was immediate and passionate. He pulled her closer and she lost herself in the feel of his mouth as he patiently and thoroughly made love to her with his tongue. She moaned softly. Desire engulfed her, and he feasted on her mouth as though it was the most pleasurable act in the world. Now, at this moment, nothing else mattered to him except her complete and utter enjoyment of his mouth on hers, her breath mingling with his and her body ripening under his sensual assault.
He had a one-track mind when it came to giving her pleasure, and she thought that a good characteristic for a lover to have.
They came up for air, and gazed lovingly into each other’s eyes. His were the color of brandy, hers were a more mellow shade of brown, almost like caramel.
His hands caressed the back of her head, her braids between his fingers. Hers pressed against his chest. “Will you go riding with me tonight?” he asked softly.
Her full lips turned up in a smile. “Love to. There’s a full moon.”
“Good, we can watch it come out. Can you be there by seven?”
“I’ll be there.”
“Afterward, I’ll cook for you.”
“Mmm,” she moaned. “Too many sensual pleasures, and I just might give in to you and become the mistress of the Hacienda, after all.”
She immediately knew she’d made a miscalculation. She’d joked about his asking her to marry him much too soon after the fact. It was still a sore point between them. One that wasn’t going to go away without some serious negotiations.
His eyes grew distant in an instant. He attempted a smile in order to cover up the hurt she had unconsciously inflicted but it wasn’t much of a smile. Instead of responding to her comment, he said, “Look, you’re busy. I should go.”
She reluctantly stood up. After which he also rose.
She could have stood aside and let him go, but it wasn’t her way to let things slide. Smoothing her skirt, she said, “Jason, I didn’t mean to sound flip. I realize how much it took for you to ask me to marry you. And I’m truly honored that you want to.”
His gaze relentlessly held hers. “But not enough to accept.”
“One day I’m going to make you understand why I had to turn you down for now.”
“One fine day,” he said quietly. He smiled ruefully. “Remember that song? It was about unrequited love, too.”
“That’s not what’s going on between us,” she denied.
“You say you love me but you won’t marry me.” It was a statement, not an accusation. He was past the blaming stage or feeling as if something was wrong with him because she had turned him down. He sensed that she loved him. Sometimes he could feel the love she had for him so powerfully, it left him breathless.
That’s why he had been completely stupefied when she’d said no to his proposal.
“I adore you, Jason, you know that.”
“I know that you desire me,” he allowed. “I know that sometimes what you feel for me is so overpowering that it scares you. What I don’t know is, Why does it scare you? Why aren’t you free to let yourself go?”
Once again, her answer was, “Soon, soon. I’m working on it.”
He bent and kissed her forehead. “All right. You work on it. In the meantime, I’ll accept whatever you have to offer. I’m easy.”
He smiled gently.
Tears sat in her eyes.
“Don’t cry, mystery girl,” he said. “I’m a lawyer, I know all about confidentiality. You’ll tell all when you’re able to. I’ll be waiting with bated breath.”
He kissed her cheek, tasting her tears.
She watched him go, and wiped her tearstained cheeks with the pad of her thumb.
Some people made their lives needlessly complicated. She wasn’t one of those people. What she did in secret was for a good cause, and her being careful to keep it secret was of the utmost importance. Innocent lives depended on her discretion.
She had to make a choice. Her secret life, or Jason.
The way her heart felt torn at this moment, she knew that she wanted the latter.
She had never known anyone to leave the organization. There were only two reasons the organization allowed anyone to leave it. One was death.
She sat down in front of the computer and entered her password. Earlier, she’d logged on to the organization’s Web site. There were two messages waiting for her. One was from their leader, the highest-ranking woman in the United States government.
Congratulations on your last assignment. Your present charge is very important to the people of South Africa. We are certain that those who seek her would never think that she’s been spirited away to a tiny hamlet in Sonoma Valley, but we encourage you to be extremely careful. We’re working very hard to expedite her safe passage