Without her noticing, Brick got closer again. “You wanted a partner to help you carry the burden.” His hand slid under her hair to cup around the back of her neck. “That’s what he should have been.”
His nearness quickened her breath. Nice.
“Without any...reward at all?”
“You think your company isn’t reward enough?”
“Ha!” She lightly slugged him in the middle. “Like that would be enough for any guy.”
“For any guy in love.... Yeah, I don’t know.” Being in love would only make abstinence more difficult. Hell, Brick wasn’t in love with her, and it ate him up to have to wait.
“Understand, Brick, I didn’t think of my mother as a burden. I loved her so I wanted to be there with her. But yes, it would have been nice to share that responsibility and worry with someone.”
A new thought chewed on his peace of mind. “Do you love him still?”
“No.”
The denial came too quickly to satisfy. Brick tipped up her chin. “You sure?”
Without hesitation, she nodded. “Looking back, I’m not certain exactly what I felt for Kyle even then. I know it hurt a lot when he asked for his ring back. He’d said he loved me, that he wanted to be with me, but he couldn’t deal with everything as it was.” Her mouth twisted. “After he broke things off, he told me that if things ever changed, he wanted to know.”
“Meaning what?” Good God, Brick couldn’t imagine that sentiment. “He wanted you to get in touch if you walked out on your mom?” Like she would ever do such a thing. Hadn’t the guy known her at all?
Lifting one shoulder, Merrily looked away. “Something like that, I guess.”
Something like...when her mother had died? Damn it, he couldn’t help it. He tugged her in closer, tucked her face under his chin and wrapped his arms around her to rock her gently from side to side. “I’m sorry.”
She surprised him by clinging to him. “The funniest part is that not long after he said that, he moved in with another woman.”
Bastard.
She hid her face against his shoulder. “A few months later...my mother took a turn for the worse and she passed away.”
He hugged her tighter still, wishing he could take some of the pain that remained with her.
“Obviously,” Merrily choked out, “I did not call him.”
“Course not.” He kissed the top of her head, her ear. “I’m so damn sorry, honey.”
She drew a slow breath. “I didn’t know what to do with myself after she died. So much of my life was wrapped up into caring for her. My schedule was set up around her needs. I had a few female friends, but no one superclose, so I decided it’d be best to get a fresh perspective on things. I moved here, found a job and got my credits transferred to the new college.”
Brick tangled a hand in her cool, silky hair. “And you decided to lose your virginity.” He realized now that it had been a deliberate choice on her part.
He’d been a deliberate choice—and it humbled him.
“Yes.” She didn’t look at him. “I didn’t expect you to know my entire history, though.”
“Does it matter?”
“Of course it does. Over and over, Kyle told me he wanted to be the first. I think he probably stayed with me as long as he did just hoping to see the big payoff, you know?”
“You keep underestimating yourself, like you think lack of experience is the only appeal.”
A dry, humorless laugh escaped her. “Get real, Brick. For him, at least, it was. That’s why even after he broke things off, he still felt like he’d earned the right.”
“Tough luck for him, then, huh?” Brick wanted no misunderstandings. “Because I’m here now.” And he wasn’t about to budge.
Full of resentment, she said, “For the same reason as Kyle.”
“Don’t compare me to some selfish dick, okay?” He tipped her back so he could see her face. “That’s not me.”
“Right.” Derisive, a little militant, she tried to push away from him. “You’re saying it doesn’t matter to you?”
“Course it does. Most men are possessive by nature, and virgins factor into fantasies even more than porno stars.” He grinned at her. “But aren’t you curious why I said you scare me? Because, lady, seriously, I don’t scare easily.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Okay, not that I’m buying it, but why would I scare you?”
Before he laid it all on her, a bit of forewarning seemed in order. “It’s probably going to piss you off a little.”
Her expression went taut. “Tell me anyway.”
“Promise you’ll hear me out?”
“Depends on what you say, now, doesn’t it?”
The prickly temper only made her all the more adorable to him. Yeah, he was a Neanderthal, but at least he knew it. “All right.” Anticipating her reaction, Brick admitted, “Around you, I have a major loss of control.”
Fascination took some of the heat from her annoyance. “What does that mean exactly?”
“Like I said, you look at me, talk to me, or God forbid you smile, and I react like that testosterone-ridden sixteen-year-old kid again seeing my first naked female. That’s not something I’m used to.”
She studied him. “Later, I’d like to hear more about your first experience. But for now—”
“For now, you need to understand that I also worried about you getting hung up on me.”
“What?”
“If you get too involved, I might break your heart. You’re so damn sweet, Merrily. I really don’t want to put you through that.”
It was almost comical, the sweeping emotions passing over her features—emotions that ended in righteous indignation. Intent on freeing herself from his embrace, she gave him a shove, but Brick held on to her, and when he started laughing, he thought she’d slug him.
“Settle down, okay? I already know I’m an ass.” He caught her hands and held them behind her back. “Surely you see my dilemma, sweet Merrily.”
“No!”
He laughed again. “I’m always up-front with women. I don’t want anyone getting ideas. I like my life the way it is. Sex is just that—sex. Not a commitment.”
“Don’t drive it into the ground, Brick. I get it already.”
He gave her a laughing smooch on her pinched mouth. “The idea of your virginity has been both a lure and a concern.”
“Oh, my God. You are so conceited!”
“I know.” He nuzzled her in closer, kissing her ear, that special place where her throat met her shoulder. “But I swear, when it comes to sex, I have good reason.”
She went still, then soft in his arms. “Lacking in modesty, too.”
Yet she sounded intrigued. He hid his smile against her cheek. “So here’s what I propose.”
She groaned.
“No, not a marriage proposal, so stop all the melodrama.” Brick couldn’t remember ever being mired in such a powerful combo of lust and humor. It was unique.
She was unique.
He carried her hands back