‘You’ve been separated for months, and you’re just waiting for that last bit of paper to come through. That’s totally different. You’ve been honest with me. He wasn’t. Though I should’ve worked it out for myself,’ Emmy said. ‘Afterwards, when I thought about it, it was really obvious. We always went to my place rather than his, and he never stayed overnight. If we did go out, we only ever went to obscure places, and half the time we’d have to call it off—he said it was because of work, but it was obviously because he was doing family things. I should’ve seen it.’
‘It wasn’t your fault,’ Dylan said again. ‘You wouldn’t have had anything to do with him if you’d known he was married. He was the cheat, not you.’ He sighed. ‘And his wife...maybe she loved him very much, but it’s still a shame that she’d let herself be treated like that. It sounds to me as if she deserved better. And so do you.’
‘I don’t know, Dylan. Sometimes my judgement is atrocious.’
‘Mine, too,’ he said. ‘But it’s late, we’ve had a long day, and now maybe isn’t the best time to talk. Go to sleep, Em.’ He drew her closer.
Well, at least he hadn’t walked away, she thought.
Yet.
* * *
The next morning, Emmy was dimly aware of crying. Loud crying, which was turning into screams.
She sat up, suddenly wide awake. Tyler. She hadn’t put the baby listener on last night. Because she’d...
Oh, no.
She looked at the other side of her bed.
Where Dylan was also sitting up. Completely naked. And looking shocked, embarrassed and awkward.
That made two of them. They’d complicated things hugely, last night. How were they ever going to fix this?
She glanced at the clock: half past nine. A good two and a half hours later than they were usually up. No wonder Tyler was crying. She’d missed her Pilates class. And Dylan would be lucky to get to the office on time for a meeting she knew he had this morning.
‘Oh, my God. We’re really late,’ she said. ‘And Tyler’s screaming.’
Dylan looked at her. ‘Emmy, we need to talk about this, but—’
‘You have a meeting, and I need to feed Tyler.’
‘I feel bad about leaving without...’ He grimaced.
‘We’ll talk about it later,’ she said. ‘Can you close your eyes for a moment?’ It was ridiculous, she knew, considering they’d both explored each other’s bodies in considerable detail the night before; but she felt shy and exposed.
He mumbled something, clearly feeling as embarrassed as she did, and closed his eyes; she fled to the door, grabbed her bathrobe, and put it on as she raced to the baby’s room.
And hopefully by the time she and Dylan talked, she would’ve rediscovered her common sense and worked out how they could deal with this with the minimum fallout for Tyler.
She scooped Tyler out of his cot and held him close. ‘OK, babe, Aunty Emmy and Uncle Dylan messed up. But we’ll fix things.’ And they would fix things, because they didn’t have any other option. ‘Come on, let’s get you some breakfast.’
The crying subsided, and Tyler was back to being all smiles and gurgled after she’d fed him his usual baby porridge and some puréed apple, and given him some milk.
Dylan was clearly as glad as she was of the respite, because she didn’t see him at all before he left the house.
She put Tyler back in his cot with some toys to keep him amused, while she had a shower and dressed. Then she scooped him back out of his cot, changed him, and took him downstairs to play.
‘I might’ve just made the biggest mistake of my life, Ty,’ she said. ‘Or it might’ve been the best idea ever. Right now, I just don’t know.’ And it terrified her. She’d already made too many mistakes. ‘I don’t know how Dylan really feels about me. But we both love you.’ She was sure about that. ‘And, whatever happens between us, we’ll make sure that your world stays safe and secure and happy.’
She still didn’t have any solutions by the time that Tyler had his morning nap.
And then a mobile phone shrilled. It wasn’t her ringtone, so the phone must be Dylan’s. He’d obviously left it behind and was probably ringing to find out where he’d left it.
She found the phone and picked it up, intending to answer and tell him yes, he’d left it here, and yes, she could drop it in to the office if he needed it. It wasn’t his name on the screen; but she recognised it immediately. Nadine.
What should she do?
This might be important. She ought to answer it. On the other hand, if she answered the phone and Nadine demanded to know who she was, or got the wrong idea, it could make everything much more complicated.
She grabbed the landline and rang Dylan. ‘You left your mobile behind.’
He groaned. ‘Sorry. Well, don’t think you have to bring it out to me or anything. I’ll manage without it for today.’
‘You might not be able to. Um, Nadine just rang.’
‘Why?’ He sounded shocked. ‘What did she say?’
‘I don’t know. When I saw her name, I was too much of a coward to answer. Sorry.’
‘It’s fine. Probably just as well.’ He sighed. ‘Did she leave a message?’
She glanced at the screen of his phone. ‘It looks like it.’
‘What does it say?’
‘How would I know? I don’t listen in to your messages, Dylan.’
‘It’s probably something to do with paperwork for the divorce,’ he said, and sighed. ‘I’ll sort it out. And I’ll see you later. Em...’
‘Yes?’
‘Never mind. We’ll talk when I get home.’
Emmy spent the morning playing with Tyler. But when the baby had a nap, she looked a few things up on the Internet. And then she really wished that she’d let it go. Now she’d seen a picture of Nadine, she could see that Dylan’s ex was perfect for him. Poised, sleekly groomed, very together—everything that Emmy wasn’t.
And the divorce was taking a very long time to come through. Assuming that they’d split up before Tyler was born...why hadn’t it been settled yet? Did Nadine want him back? Had she heard from a colleague that Dylan was guardian to the baby she’d wanted, and did she think that Dylan might be prepared to give their marriage another chance?
She blew out a breath. OK. Dylan wasn’t a liar and a cheat. He wouldn’t have slept with her if he’d still been in love with his ex. She knew that.
But...
Her relationships always went wrong. What was to say that this would be any different? And there had been that night where he’d pulled her close and murmured Nadine’s name...
The doubts flooded through her, and she just couldn’t shift them. What if Dylan had changed his mind about her? What if, when he came home tonight, he wanted them to go back to their old relationship—at arm’s length and only sharing the baby’s care? What if they got together and, once the first flush of desire had worn off, he started realising how many flaws she had, just as her exes always had? What if he started wanting her to change, and she couldn’t be who he wanted her to be?
Tyler woke; feeding him distracted her for a little bit, but still the thoughts whizzed round her head. And the doubts grew and grew and grew until she felt suffocated by them.
‘I