She bit her lip. ‘The worst thing is, Mum always wanted more children after me but couldn’t have them. He refused to consider adoption or fostering. And then his current woman found out she was pregnant, and he left us for her. Mum felt she’d failed.’
* * *
Dylan knew exactly how it felt when your marriage failed and you were pretty sure it was all your fault. First-hand. And it wasn’t a good feeling. ‘It wasn’t your mum’s fault,’ he said. ‘I might be talking out of line, here, but sounds to me as if your dad was incredibly selfish.’ Just like his mother. He knew how that felt, too, realising that you were way down someone’s list of priorities. The amount of times he’d come home from school and let himself into a cold, empty house, and there was a note propped on the kitchen table telling him to go to his grandparents’ house because they’d be looking after him for a few days. Days that stretched into weeks.
‘My dad was incredibly selfish. He probably still is.’
‘Probably?’ Dylan was surprised. ‘Don’t you see him?’
‘He didn’t stay in touch with us, and for years I thought it was my fault that my parents split up. It was only later, when I’d left university and Mum told me what really went on when I was young, that I realised he was the one with the problem.’
And now Dylan understood why she’d accused him of breaking up his marriage because of an affair. She’d been caught in the fallout from her father’s affairs, and it clearly still hurt.
She blew out a breath. ‘I think he decided not to see me because whenever he did see me it reminded him of my mum, and that made him start to feel guilty about the way he treated her.’
‘So is that why you’re single? Because you don’t trust men?’ And that would certainly explain Spiky Emmy. It was clearly a defence mechanism, and it had definitely worked with him. He’d taken her at face value.
She frowned. ‘Not quite. I just have a habit of picking the wrong ones. Men who want to change me—everything from the way I dress, to what I do for a living. Nothing about me is right.’
At one point Dylan would’ve wanted Emmy to change—but now he knew her better and he understood what made her tick. And he knew that she wasn’t the woman he’d thought she was. ‘You’re fine as you are. There’s nothing wrong with what you do for a living. Or how you dress.’
‘I wasn’t fishing for compliments.’ She shrugged. ‘I’m tired of dating men who can’t see me for who I am or accept me for that. I’m tired of dating men who are all sweetness and light for a couple of weeks, then start making little “helpful” suggestions. All of which mean me changing to fit their expectations, rather than them looking at their expectations and maybe changing them.’ She sighed. ‘It’s not that I think I’m perfect. Of course I’m not. I’m like everyone else, with good points and bad. I just wanted a partner who understands who I am and is OK with that.’
‘Maybe,’ he said, ‘you should’ve got Ally to vet your dates before you went out with them.’
‘I wish I had.’ She sighed. ‘The last one...’ She grimaced and shook her head. ‘No, I really don’t want to talk about him. But he was definitely my biggest mistake. And he was my last mistake, too. So if you’re worrying that I’m going to be flighty and disappear off with the first man who bats his eyelashes at me, leaving you to look after Tyler on your own, then don’t. Because I’m not. I’ve given up looking for Mr Right. I know he isn’t out there. My focus now is being there for Tyler while he grows up.’
‘So you’re not looking for a husband or a family, or what have you?’
‘No. But I have Tyler. That’s enough for me.’
Before they’d become co-guardians, the Emmy Jacobs Dylan knew was flighty as well as spiky. He’d disliked her because she’d reminded him so much of his mother. Selfish, always apologising for being late but never seeming sincere.
Now, he was seeing a different side of her. The way she looked after Tyler and put the baby’s needs first: she was definitely responsible. She was kind; without being intrusive, she’d worked out what he liked to eat and the fact that he loathed lentils, and changed her meal plans to suit. She was thoughtful. And she was fiercely independent; from what she’d just told him about her childhood, he could understand exactly why she wouldn’t want to rely on someone. She’d seen her mother’s heart broken and had learned from that.
And he didn’t want Spiky Emmy back. He liked the woman he’d got to know. More than liked her, if he was honest with himself. ‘I’m not worried at all,’ he said lightly. ‘You didn’t need to tell me that. I already know you’re not flighty.’
‘Oh.’ She looked slightly deflated, as if she’d been gearing up to have a fight with him and now she didn’t have to. ‘So what about you? Are you looking for Ms Right?’
‘No, I made enough of a mess of my marriage.’ And then he surprised himself by adding, ‘And it was my fault.’
‘How? You didn’t have an affair.’
‘Neither did Nadine.’
‘So what went wrong?’ She put a hand to her mouth. ‘Sorry. I know I shouldn’t ask you personal stuff.’
Absolutely. He didn’t want to talk about his feelings or his past. But he surprised himself even more by saying, ‘Given our situation, you probably ought to know. And I know you’re not going to gossip about me.’
‘Of course I’m not.’
‘Nadine and I—we wanted the same things, at first. A satisfying career, knowing we could reach the top of our respective trees. Neither of us wanted kids. Except then she changed her mind.’
‘And you didn’t?’
He shook his head. ‘She gave me an ultimatum: baby or divorce. So I picked the latter.’
She blew out a breath. ‘And now you’re in exactly that situation with Tyler—a stand-in dad. Though obviously you and I—we’re not...’
Her voice faded, and he wondered if she was thinking about that kiss. He most definitely was. He forced himself to focus. ‘Yeah.’ But his voice sounded slightly rusty to his ears. He hoped she wouldn’t guess why.
‘So does that mean...I mean, the three months are up in a couple of weeks. And you don’t want to...?’ She looked worried.
‘I’m glad you brought that up,’ he said. ‘It’s working for me. I think we’re a good team. I know we’re never going to be as good as Pete and Ally, and I for one still have a lot to learn about babies, but Tyler seems happy with us.’
‘Are you happy?’ she asked.
‘Yes. And I feel a bit guilty about it. I said I didn’t want to be a parent. But, actually, I’m enjoying it,’ he confessed. It was a relief to admit it out loud, at last. ‘I like coming home to a baby. I like seeing him change. I like hearing him babble and I like seeing his face when he tries something new.’
‘Me, too,’ she said softly.
‘So we keep going?’ he asked.
‘What about your ex?’
He grimaced. ‘As I said, I feel guilty. Maybe it could’ve worked, if I hadn’t been so stubborn. Or maybe it wouldn’t. I don’t know.’
‘Why didn’t you want a child?’ she asked.
He blew out a breath. ‘I just don’t. Didn’t.’
‘You mean, back off because you don’t want to talk about it?’ she asked wryly.
He was slightly surprised that she’d read him so well. ‘Yes. Tonight’s