‘Not at all.’
‘Bill will be home soon,’ Cynthia said. ‘He plays golf on the course next door every Saturday afternoon but he promised to come straight home after the game. Should be here by four-thirty—five at the latest, he said. You and he could have a game of billiards before dinner, Ryan. That is, if you play billiards?’
‘I certainly do.’
Jane chuckled. ‘I dare say you’re good at it too.’
Ryan smiled. ‘I’m good at most sports and games.’
Was sex a sport to him? Laura wondered ruefully. Or a game?
‘Come on then, darling,’ he went on as he stood up. ‘Let’s get going before the sun goes down.’
Suddenly, Laura didn’t want to be alone with him. Certainly not down at the creek which was a very private spot, totally out of sight of everyone. She had little option, however, but to stand up and do exactly what had been suggested. To refuse would have seemed odd.
He took her hand, as she knew he would, and she didn’t object, as she knew she wouldn’t. No doubt they looked like lovers, strolling down the hill together, hand in hand. But love had nothing to do with the feelings which were zooming through Laura. She tried to say something, anything at all. But she remained silent. Ryan didn’t say anything, either. When they reached the shelter of the trees which lined the creek, he let go of her hand and turned to face her.
‘Tell me what you’re thinking.’
She dragged in a deep breath which she exhaled slowly as she assembled her thoughts. No way could she tell him what she was really thinking. But she had to make some comment to excuse the way she’d responded to his kisses.
‘I’m thinking you were right about my being too long between men. And kisses.’
He frowned. ‘So you’re saying that that’s why you enjoyed my kissing you as much as you obviously did? Because you’re sexually frustrated?’
She kept her eyes cool. ‘It seems a logical explanation, don’t you think?’
‘True. But I can hardly make the same claim. I certainly haven’t been five years without a woman. But I sure as hell enjoyed kissing you, Laura. Maybe Erica was right after all. And so were you.’
‘About what?’
‘You said I didn’t know women as much as I thought I did. Erica actually went off her brain when I told her what I was doing this weekend. Accused me of fancying you.’
‘Really?’
‘Yep. I got so mad at her that I broke up with her on the spot.’
‘You did?’ Lord, but she shouldn’t have been quite so happy about that. But she was. Oh yes, she definitely was. How stupid could she get?
‘Sure did,’ he confirmed. ‘I didn’t want to say so earlier on because I thought it might cause you some worry. But she was right, wasn’t she? I do fancy you.’
‘Really?’ Now she was even happier! Until she remembered that Ryan fancying a woman meant next to nothing. He’d obviously fancied Erica and look what happened to her.
‘Yes, really. But my fancying you is not a good idea, Laura.’
‘Why?’ Oh Laura, Laura, did you have to sound so disappointed when you said that?
His eyes showed that she’d betrayed herself to a degree.
‘You are a work colleague and I do not date work colleagues,’ he stated.
‘I see,’ she said, not quite so happy now.
‘You wouldn’t want to date a man like me anyway,’ he ground out. ‘I’m not what you want. Or what you need.’
Laura shook her head from side to side. ‘I’m not sure what I want or need any more.’
‘Then let me remind you: you want a man who’ll love you, marry you and give you children. That man will never be me, Laura. Because that’s not what I want.’
Laura frowned at this last statement. What had happened to Ryan in the past that he never dared to risk getting emotionally involved with anyone? Something must have happened, because it wasn’t natural to shun love. Everyone wanted to love and be loved.
‘And why is that?’ she couldn’t resist asking. ‘What have you got against love and marriage and children?’
‘Absolutely nothing,’ he bit out. ‘It’s just not for me. Look, it’s as well that we’ve had this little talk. I would hate to think that I would do something tonight which we would both regret. Under the circumstances, I think you should ask Cynthia to put me in a separate bedroom when we get back.’
Laura sucked in air sharply. ‘But I can’t do that!’
‘Why not?’
‘Because I just can’t!’
His eyes narrowed on her, with a glint of wicked humour. ‘Is this your pride speaking, or something else? Don’t tell me you’ve been secretly attracted to me all this time?’
‘Don’t be ridiculous!’ she snapped. ‘No one was more surprised than I when I reacted the way I did when you kissed me.’
‘I wouldn’t say that,’ Ryan said dryly. ‘I was pretty surprised myself. Okay, so it’s a matter of pride. In that case I won’t ask for a separate room, but I think I will sleep on the floor. I don’t trust myself to keep my hands off you if we share a bed. Hell on earth, woman, stop looking at me like that!’
‘How am I looking at you?’ she asked, trying to sound innocent but feeling anything but. She didn’t want him to sleep on the floor. And she certainly didn’t want him to keep his hands to himself.
‘Don’t try to play games with me, Laura. I’m way out of your league in the games department. Erica called me a libertine.’
‘I don’t believe you’re a libertine at all,’ she said, feeling angry with Erica for saying such a nasty thing. ‘A libertine doesn’t care about people’s feelings. You obviously care about mine to warn me off you. A libertine would just take what he wanted without a second thought.’
‘Would he now?’
For a split second, his eyes grew so cold that a shiver ran down Laura’s spine. But then he whirled away from her and strode over to the edge of the creek. She stared after him, not knowing what to say or do. So she just stood there and waited. Eventually, the sun dipped down behind the hills and the air turned suddenly cool, at which point he turned and walked back towards her.
‘Let’s get back,’ he said, and grabbed her hand once more.
But there was nothing warm or affectionate in his grip. She could feel anger in his fingers, but wasn’t sure who he was more angry with, her or himself.
‘I promise I won’t look at you like that any more,’ she said during their hurried walk up the hill.
‘Good,’ he snapped. ‘And I promise I won’t bloody well kiss you any more!’
‘HE’S absolutely gorgeous, Laura,’ was the first thing Gran said. ‘I can’t tell you how pleased I am for you.’
They were in the old servants’ quarters, Jane propped up in bed and Laura sitting in an armchair not far from her. Cynthia had certainly done the room up nicely, Laura conceded privately, with everything Jane could wish for. The walls had been painted a rich cream colour. There was a brand-new flat-screen television sitting on a high chest-of-drawers opposite the