Jessie’s heart turned over. It was already happening, what she’d feared all along. If she kept seeing Kane, Emily was going to get more and more attached to him and one day, poof, he’d be gone and her little girl would be broken-hearted. Her own broken heart she could cope with. She was a grown-up. But how could you explain to a four-year-old that adult relationships didn’t always end in marriage? They usually just ended.
‘He wants to take me and Emily out this Sunday,’ Jessie said with a worried frown on her face. ‘I’m going to have to call him and tell him no.’ She should never have said yes in the first place. She was weak, weak, weak!
‘But why, for pity’s sake?’
‘Because it’s not fair on Emily, letting her think he really likes her. It’s not Emily he wants, Dora. It’s just me.’
‘You don’t know that. Ask him.’
‘No. He’ll only lie to me.’
Dora looked at her with shocked eyes. ‘I knew you were cynical, Jessie. I didn’t realise you were that cynical. For what it’s worth, I think you’re making a big mistake. He’s a nice man and deserves a chance. Not only that, you deserve a chance. And Emily, too. Don’t make hasty decisions. Give your relationship with Kane a bit of time. OK, so it might not work out, but if you don’t try you’ll never know. Life can be cruel but it can also be wonderful. You have to believe that or life isn’t worth living. I was very lonely and depressed till you and Emily came along. In fact, I was in danger of being a miserable old witch of a woman, I was so full of regrets and resentments. But you brought some light into my life. You and Emily. You’re a lovely girl, Jessie Denton, but where men are concerned you’re way too hard. And way too distrustful. I’ve seen a lot of life and I’d put my money on Kane being a decent man. He might even change his mind about having children now that he’s become involved with you and Emily. People can change, you know.’
Jessie didn’t think that a man who divorced his wife over that single issue was likely to change. At the same time, she supposed she was being a bit hard on him. He’d really been wonderfully warm and considerate last night. He had the capacity to be a sensitive new-age guy as well; he was very capable in the kitchen. And he could give a massage like a professional. He made a great boyfriend and lover, even if not a husband and father.
She’d be out of her mind to voluntarily give him up. Just the thought of never experiencing again what she’d experienced last night made her feel sick. At the same time, she had to make some firm ground rules between them. No pretend family outings. No coming over till Emily was asleep at night. And no expecting her to stay at his place all night on the occasions they did go out.
There! That was reasonable.
Kane didn’t think so when she rang him during Emily’s after-lunch nap.
‘You’re being ridiculous again,’ he growled. ‘About everything. Jessie, I really like you. No, that’s a lie. I love you, damn it.’
Jessie gasped into the phone.
‘Yes, yes, I’m sure you don’t believe me. But it’s true.’
‘It’s you who’s being ridiculous,’ Jessie countered once she got over her shock. ‘I know what you love, Kane Marshall, and it isn’t the real me. It’s the silly, weak woman I became last night. I don’t know what got into me to let you do all those things. My only excuse is that I hadn’t been with a man in such a long time. And, of course, you seemed to know just what to do to tap into my dark side.’
‘Your dark side? I wasn’t trying to tap into your dark side, sweetheart. Just your feminine side. That side you put on hold most of the time whilst you’re being one tough mamma who thinks all men are lying scumbags who couldn’t possibly love you or want you for anything other than sex. For pity’s sake, I know you’ve been hurt by other men in the past. Your less than admirable father and that creep, Lyall. But that doesn’t mean all men are bad. You don’t like other people misjudging you, or jumping to conclusions over your morals, but you’re only too ready to jump to conclusions over mine.’
Jessie winced. He was right. She knew he was right.
‘You’re a wonderful girl, Jessie,’ he said more gently. ‘But you really need to get that chip off your shoulder. I want you in my life. You and Emily. But you have to believe in me, and trust me. I don’t know what else I can say to convince you that I’m sincere. Look, if you don’t think you could ever love me back, then I suppose I’m just wasting my time. If last night was just you exorcising your sexual frustrations then I guess that’s that, then. Just let me say that last night was the most incredible night of my life. You are everything I want in a woman and a lover, Jessie Denton.’
Jessie felt totally chastened by his speech. And moved. ‘I…I thought last night was pretty incredible, too. I’m sorry I said what I said, Kane. And I’m sorry I’m such a bitch.’
He laughed. ‘In a way, I like that about you. But I like the woman you were last night, too. They’re both you, Jessie. And I love them both.’
‘I wish you wouldn’t keep saying that you love me.’
‘Why?’
‘Because I’m afraid of it.’
‘Yes, I know that, sweetheart. But you’re going to have to get used to it. I love you and I’m not going to go away.’
She was beginning to see that, his reassurance flooding through her heart like a giant wave, washing away some of those old fears, the ones where she did think no man would ever truly love and want her, not now that she had Emily. Her mother had drummed into her that no man really wanted another man’s child.
But was he talking marriage here? She didn’t like to ask. It was premature. And what about the matter of children? Dora could be right there. Maybe he would want children with her, if he loved her enough. If not, at least she already had Emily. And he seemed to genuinely like Emily.
‘It might be nice if you told me what you feel for me,’ Kane inserted softly. ‘I need some encouragement here.’
‘I doubt you ever need encouragement when you want something, Kane Marshall.’
‘I’ve never wanted something quite so unattainable before.’
‘How can you say that after the way I acted last night? You said “jump” and I said “how high?”’
‘That’s just during sex. On a day-to-day basis, you’re extremely difficult to handle. Now, am I allowed to come over today?’
‘No.’
‘How come I knew you were going to say that? What about tomorrow? Can I take you and Emily out, as I was going to?’
‘Yes, but no sex.’ This edict was more for her benefit than his. She was so tender down there, it wasn’t funny.
‘I wasn’t expecting any. Besides, I’m knackered.’
‘That’s today. You’ll be recovered by tomorrow.’
‘You could be right. I’ll be even more recovered by Monday.’
‘Monday is a work day.’
‘Yes, but there’s always our lunch-hour. Karen always goes out and I have that lovely office—complete with that huge Chesterfield—all to myself.’
Jessie’s cheeks burned at the thought. Just as well he couldn’t see her. ‘You don’t honestly expect me to do that, do you?’ she said, trying to sound shocked and not excited.
‘A man can always hope.’
‘Friday night is our date night,’ she said primly. ‘You’ll have to wait till then.’
‘Friday night is a definite, then? No excuses?’
‘No excuses.’