I Am the Border, So I Am. @BorderIrish

that went well, considering, Border.’

      ‘It did, Jean.’

      Brexisnt.

      Could I sue Brexit for damages?

       Aye, sure, go on, rain on me, as if that could make things worse.

      I have a little sign on my desk to remind me and my visitors of my responsibilities. It says ‘The Backstop’s Here’.

      Don’t let me keep you now.

      Ambridge Analytica manipulate rural voters.

      I was going to call this book Fuckoon.

      I’m Brexasperated.

       SPONSORED CONTENT

      The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Leaving

      Jim

      World expert on the process of Leaving. Drawing on three years’ experience of Leaving and going absolutely nowhere

       Special Brexit edition

      ABOUT THIS BOOK

      Do you want to Leave? I mean really Leave. Leave absolutely and completely. Leave so there’s no coming back. Yes? Good for you. Me too.

      My name’s Jim and I’m a Leaver. I’ve been Leaving since 2016. I’ve put in at least 25,000 hours of Leaving over the past few years and now I’ve distilled my vast experience into a book so you too can be a Leaver. A BeLeaver.

      There are seven steps to Leaving:

      1 You must BeLeave in BeLeaving.

      2 Tell yourself you’re going to Leave. Don’t think about how, just tell yourself that it’s going to be easy.

      3 Tell everyone else you’re going to Leave. If they object, tell them they’re Leaving with you whether they like it or not.

      4 Find a safe place from which to Leave.

      5 Stand in that place.

      6 Wait. Something will come along soon.

      7 Be calm. Becalmed.

      In this book I’ll take you through the 7 steps and then you’ll be ready to Leave. You’ll be standing, becalmed, alongside me. I know you’re excited about standing around saying you’re going to Leave and not actually Leaving. I am too.

      Let’s Leave! Soon! Really soon!