“Exactly what have I done?” Carol asked with a smile. “And why would that ruin your mood?”
Her brother looked around, and, after a few minutes, frowned. “I don’t know exactly, but there’s a difference.”
He’d noticed. Actually, everything was in the same place it’d been during his last visit. The furniture was all the same, too; outwardly very little had changed. Yet the condo felt transformed. The flowers and polished wood and shining glass were small things, but they expressed her new attitude toward home and what it meant. This was a place of love, a place waiting to welcome a child.
“There is a difference,” Carol confirmed, “but I’m the one who’s changed. I’m happy, Rick, genuinely happy.”
The forlorn expression on her brother’s face was enough to bring tears to her eyes. “And you’re not,” she said softly.
“No,” he breathed. He leaned forward and braced his arms against his legs, letting the beer dangle between his parted knees. “Nothing seems right without Ellie.”
Her brother and Ellie had divorced a year ago. He’d never spoken of the breakup before, and his willingness to introduce the subject now was an indication of how miserable he was.
“I’m still in love with her,” he confessed, “but I screwed up.”
Carol held her breath. Because she loved and respected both her brother and his wife, she’d done her best to stay out of it. The one conversation she’d had with Ellie since the divorce had been awkward and unsettling, and Carol hadn’t phoned her since.
Carol wasn’t the only one in the dark, either. Even her parents didn’t know what had caused the dissolution of Rick’s marriage. Whatever it was, he seemed to regret his divorce and want his ex-wife back. “Have you been in touch with Ellie?” she asked.
Rick nodded. “She said it’d be better if we went our separate ways. I tried, Carol, I gave it a real effort, but my life isn’t any good without her. I had no idea it would be like this.” He briefly tilted his head toward the ceiling and forcefully expelled his breath. “I hear she’s dating again.”
“That must hurt.” Rick and Ellie had been college sweethearts. Carol remembered the first time she’d met the outgoing blonde. She’d instantly liked Rick’s girlfriend and had hoped to have her as a sister one day.
“The thought of Ellie with some other man is driving me insane. All I can think about is how stupid I’ve been. I’d give anything to work this out with her. If it meant quitting my job, I’d do it in a heartbeat.”
“I’m so sorry.” Carol felt at a loss to help him, especially since she still didn’t know what had gone wrong.
“Yeah, I am, too.”
“Do you want to explain what happened?”
“Ellie didn’t tell you?” he asked, his eyes widening. “I assumed she had.”
Carol shook her head. “I called her after you told me she’d filed for divorce, but she said she’d rather not discuss it.” She didn’t add that Ellie had been sobbing at the time. Until the end, Carol had hoped the two of them would be able to settle their differences and reunite. After the divorce, though, it seemed Ellie was intent on moving forward with her life.
“I’m away from home so much,” her brother said. “It gets lonely, you know?”
This was what Ellie had implied but Carol had refused to accept it. Rick would never do such a thing, she’d told herself. He was her older brother, her hero. Still, she had to know. “You … didn’t have an affair, did you?”
“No,” he said. “It wasn’t like that … But Ellie—well, she can’t accept the fact that I’m around beautiful women on the job and away from home. It became a trust issue.”
Carol wouldn’t feel entirely comfortable with Doug constantly being around other women, either, but she didn’t say so. Her brother didn’t need to hear about her own insecurities.
“I don’t know why she felt that way,” Rick went on. “It’s Ellie I love.” He wiped his face in a weary gesture. “I tried to convince her that she’s the only woman for me but she wouldn’t listen. I can’t believe she threw away our marriage because she didn’t trust me.”
Carol couldn’t believe it, either, but she kept her thoughts to herself. There were two possibilities: Ellie had been jealous and irrational or there was more to Rick’s behavior than he was saying.
“I did everything I could to talk Ellie out of the divorce,” he continued. “Okay, so maybe I was tempted, but hell, what am I supposed to do every night? Sit in my hotel room and watch television? I did go out occasionally. Can you really blame me for that?”
Maybe there was some basis for Ellie’s distrust. Still, Carol found it practically inconceivable that her brother would cheat on his wife. He was an honorable man but he was a man, and if he had a drink with a flight attendant or a female pilot now and then—was that so bad? Perhaps Ellie had simply overreacted.
“I suppose I should be grateful we delayed having a family,” he mumbled.
Carol agreed; if there was anything to be grateful for, it was that. She hated the thought of children suffering the upheaval of a broken home.
“Ellie wanted kids, but I wasn’t ready.”
Carol nodded.
“Any idea what I should do now?” he asked, peering at her as if she could provide him with answers.
She patted his arm gently, not knowing how to respond. Rick could be his own worst enemy. He’d always been a sociable person, the life of the party, a natural daredevil, and she’d loved and admired him as her gallant older brother. It saddened her to see how unhappy he was.
“You need to prove yourself to Ellie.”
“But how?” he cried. “I’m telling you, Carol, I’m at my wits’ end. Ellie claims she doesn’t want to see me again.”
“Perhaps you could write to her.”
“Write what?”
“A letter,” she said. “Better yet, use e-mail. Tell her you’re an idiot.”
“I think she already knows that.” For the first time since they’d started talking, she saw a hint of smile on his face. “What if she won’t answer me?”
“Don’t take no for an answer. Let her know you aren’t giving up.”
“Should I send her flowers? That kind of thing?”
“Bring her strawberries and fresh fruit from the Pike Place Market.” Fresh fruit was available in Juneau, but it was extremely expensive. “A whole basket,” Carol suggested. “As I recall, Ellie loves blueberries.”
“She does?”
“Rick! You should know that. She was your wife.”
“That’s the problem,” her brother moaned. “I didn’t pay her near enough attention. I didn’t realize how much I loved her until it was too late.”
“Then you’re going to make up for lost time.”
He grinned, and it was the same boyish smile she remembered from childhood. “Your enthusiasm is catching. You really think I can win her back?”
“Yes,” she cried. It felt good to have her brother turn to her, to need her help. Rick had made a mistake and hadn’t fought for his marriage, but she’d do everything she could to support him.
12
CHAPTER
ALIX TOWNSEND