He didn’t answer for a long, long time. “I owe this to Cody. He loves his mother and wants us to be a family again.” Brad closed his eyes, as if he couldn’t bear to see the pain he was inflicting on me. “I’m so sorry, Lydia. I’d give anything not to hurt you.”
“But I love Cody, too!” I cried. The numbness had attacked my entire body now. I could barely function as I turned away.
“I know you do, and he loves you.”
“But I’ll never be his mother,” I said in such pain I thought I’d be physically ill. Janice would always be the woman he’d loved first, the woman he loved best. Hard as I tried, I would only be a shadowy imitation. Squaring my shoulders, I turned back. Brad hadn’t moved. “I … I guess you’re glad I delayed our wedding plans, aren’t you?”
“No,” he breathed. “Lydia, please, try to understand. I don’t want this—I didn’t ask for this.”
We stood there, he and I, and the room seemed to grow smaller and smaller around us.
Pride demanded that I do my best to put a good face on this, although it took every ounce of resolve I possessed. “Seeing that you’ve made your choice, all I can do is wish you, Janice and Cody a good life.”
He didn’t respond.
“I can’t play this game, Brad. I won’t play it.”
“This isn’t a game.”
“But it can be. It will be. After a while, Janice will realize she’s made yet another mistake and she’ll want her independence once again. Only I won’t be here.”
“What are you saying? All I’m asking—”
“For whatever reason, you want to give Janice another chance,” I broke in. “For Cody’s sake or your own, I’m not sure. That’s your decision, but I can’t let you in and out of my life on her whim.”
“I don’t know what’s right anymore,” he shouted.
“I don’t, either,” I told him. “But apparently I’m second-best now.” It was difficult to maintain my composure. “Does she want to move back in with you? Is that it?”
“No.” Brad shook his head. “She’ll keep her place and I’ll keep mine. We haven’t made any other decisions. I couldn’t do that until I talked to you.”
This was supposed to cheer me up? If so, it hadn’t worked. Brad was obviously deluded about his ex-wife’s motivations. I knew Janice loved Cody. We’d talked several times, Janice and I, over the past months, and she’d made it perfectly clear that despite her maternal connection with Cody, she didn’t want the demands of a husband and family. I was completely dumbfounded by this sudden change of heart.
“I love you,” I said, and my voice trembled so badly it was hard to speak, “but I can’t and won’t play tug-of-war with Janice over you and Cody. You can’t ask me to share your life one minute, and then the next want me to step aside while you test the waters with your ex. I don’t know what you expect me to say.”
He didn’t respond but I could see that his teeth were clenched, his jaw rigid. “I’ll do what I can to switch routes so we won’t have to see each other.”
“Thank you.” I was surprised by how calm I sounded, because on the inside I was crumbling.
“I’m sorry, Lydia.”
I looked away, unwilling to let him witness the pain I was in.
The man I loved turned and walked out of my life. The instant the door closed, I fell into a chair and covered my face with both hands. I took deep, shuddering breaths as I struggled to make sense of what had just happened. Moments earlier, I’d been anticipating our Fourth of July barbecue with Cody…. My heart froze as I realized anew that not only was I losing Brad, I was losing Cody. Sweet Cody, who’d taught me so much about love and what it meant to be a mom.
The bell jingled with irritating gaiety. I dropped my hands and plastered a smile on my face, which became a frown when I saw it was Margaret. I said the first thing that came to mind. “You’re late.”
“I know,” she said, without explanation.
“If you’re going to work for me, then I’d appreciate if you could make an effort to be here on time,” I snapped. “Just because I’m your sister doesn’t mean you can show up for work whenever you like.”
Margaret’s jaw sagged at the unexpectedness of my attack. “Okay, message received.”
I stood and retreated to the back room but the trembling in my hands refused to stop. I had to pull myself together, or I’d be an emotional wreck. Unfortunately it was probably too late.
“Did you get out of bed on the wrong side this morning?” Margaret asked, following me.
I attempted to pour a cup of coffee and couldn’t. Setting the pot back on the burner, I turned to face my sister, certain I’d gone completely ashen.
“Lydia,” she whispered, looking shaken when she saw me. “What happened?”
I opened my mouth to speak but the words wouldn’t come. Instead, a low moan escaped and then my body was racked by gut-wrenching sobs. So much for regaining my composure.
Margaret’s arms were around me in a flash, and it was a good thing because I was on the verge of collapse.
“Lydia, Lydia, what happened?” She paused, staring at me. “Is it Brad? I saw him outside and he didn’t say a word to me.”
I couldn’t make myself speak. It felt as if this was the end of the world—my world, anyway. I’d been so happy, so excited. For the first time since I was a teenager, I felt truly alive and normal. I’d found love—only to discover how fleeting it can be.
“I … need to go upstairs,” I whispered after I’d pulled myself together enough to speak. “Can you handle the store for a while?”
“Of course.”
“Thank you.” I retrieved Whiskers from the front window and by chance looked out to see Brad sitting inside his truck. He had doubled over, his forehead pressed against the upper curve of the steering wheel.
Margaret came to stand behind me. She placed her hand on my shoulder and then glanced out the window.
“You and Brad?” she asked gently.
I nodded. “He’s going back to his ex-wife.”
Margaret turned me in her arms, and hugged me close and hard. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered and I’m sure she was but not nearly as sorry as me.
15
CHAPTER
ELISE BEAUMONT
Elise wasn’t in the best of moods when she returned from her knitting class. Her nonexistent class. She’d arrived at A Good Yarn to find that Lydia had fallen ill and the class had been cancelled. Margaret had tried to be helpful, but apparently she wasn’t much of a knitter and had never made socks. She did say Lydia would extend the class by one week, which was only fair. Elise, however, had made a considerable effort to get to the yarn store on time and was sorely disappointed.
By way of apology Margaret had offered Elise, Bethanne and Courtney a thirty percent discount on anything they wanted to buy that day. Elise wasn’t buying anything. She didn’t need yarn, she needed help with the socks and was annoyed that she’d have to wait until the following week to continue.
“You’re home early,” Aurora commented when Elise walked into the house. Her dour look must have conveyed her mood because her daughter frowned. “What happened, did