‘While you’re growing up fast,’ Nina said, but then paused to consider how slowly she should lead the conversation in the direction it needed to go. ‘Are you having sex?’
‘Mum!’ Scarlett cried, glancing at her briefly before remembering herself and looking away.
‘I’m not daft, Scarlett. I know it’s going to happen eventually and you’re showing all the classic signs of having man trouble.’
Scarlett laughed.
‘So I am right?’
Her daughter had continued to laugh, but very quickly she was gulping for air as she fought and failed to hold back the sobs. Terrified, Nina wrapped Scarlett in her arms and let her cry on her shoulder. She patted Scarlett’s back to match the pace of her own heart thumping inside her chest. ‘Oh, Scarlett. Please tell me what’s going on.’
‘I – don’t – know – what – to – do.’
‘About what? What’s happened?’
‘Nothing, nothing’s happened and I don’t know if it ever will.’
‘But you want it to?’
Scarlett nodded. ‘I think so.’
‘You think? That doesn’t sound so definite to me. You’re fifteen years old, Scarlett. You might feel like you’re all grown up, and I’m not saying you’re not maturing faster than I’d like, but you’re not there yet.’
‘But I want to be, Mum. I want this bit to be over. I want to be middle-aged with a boring job and a family.’
It was Nina’s turn to laugh. ‘It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.’
‘Neither is being fifteen.’
‘I know. But I can’t go back in time, and you can’t fast forward. We are where we are.’
Scarlett hadn’t finished crying, but she managed to control her sobs enough to lift her head from her mum’s shoulder. ‘I’m scared, Mum. I don’t know what to do.’
‘If this boy respects you, then he’ll see you’re unsure and he’ll wait. Who are we talking about anyway? Is it Linus?’
Turning back to face the front, Scarlett put her hands over her face. ‘It’s OK,’ she said. ‘I can look after myself.’
‘Do we need to make an appointment with the GP?’ Nina asked.
Using the cuff of her jumper, Scarlett wiped away her tears. ‘No, it’s all right.’
‘You’re sure?’
‘Yes.’
Nina hadn’t realized she had been holding her breath until she released it. She should have felt relieved, but she didn’t. Sorting out contraception was only ever going to be part of the solution. ‘OK, I’m trusting you to do the right thing, Scarlett, but whatever happens, you can’t let it affect your schoolwork. It’s an important year.’
‘Don’t I know it.’
‘No more going out with your friends until you’ve got your grades back up where they belong.’
‘You can’t do that! I’ll turn into a weirdo like Liam if I never go out,’ Scarlett said, not afraid to face her mum now. ‘And what about the party?’
‘Let’s see how we get on with Mr Swift first, shall we?’
‘Fine, as long as you know what you’re doing,’ Scarlett said with a hint of a warning. ‘Don’t blame me if I go crazy.’
In truth, Nina didn’t know what she was doing. She was attempting to navigate through a perilous period of parenthood without a road map. She didn’t know how to solve Scarlett’s problems and help her towards the next stage of her life, all she could do was let her know she didn’t have to do it on her own. She had a mum who loved her; a stepdad who would do anything for her; and a brother who would protect her if he knew what was good for him; not to mention Mr Swift, who would help her daughter get back on track, academically at least.
I was starting to feel weird around my friends. It was like I was out of sync with everyone. I tried to carry on as normal, but it was hard pretending not to have all these horrible feelings messing with my head.
Me and my friends spent most of our time hanging out in Eva’s garage. We’d made it really nice in there with a couple of old sofas and big fleecy throws so it was all cosy. Sometimes it was just us girls, but mostly it was the boys too – and when I say boys, I mean boys. Everyone was getting excited about the Halloween party Eva was planning for her sixteenth, and I wanted to get excited about it too, but part of me didn’t want to be around them any more. It was when I complained that the boys in our year were all lame that Eva came up with this stupid idea about inviting people from sixth form. If Liam was anything to go by, sixth formers weren’t exactly mature either.
It had really got to me that he had called me a little girl. It was so annoying because I didn’t want him to see me that way. That’s why I went on the pill.
It was so horrible when Mum tried to talk to me about it. Like I was going to tell her I’d already been to the doctor. And, oh my God, it was so disgusting when she just assumed I was thinking of going with Linus. As if! OK, we’d hung out together over the summer and we’d snogged a bit, but I never once said I was his girlfriend. It makes me cringe, thinking about all that fumbling around we did. I wanted something else. I wanted someone else and going on the pill was me being mature. I was getting prepared. I wanted to show him I wasn’t a silly little girl.
I should say now, in my defence, that I still wasn’t sure I’d actually do it, even if he wanted me to. Mum had said she trusted me and, for a split second, I honestly thought she did, but in the next breath she was having a rant about my schoolwork, which only proved she didn’t really.
It was so unfair because I was keeping up at school. I’m not totally irresponsible. Maybe I could have focused more, but if Mum thought forcing me to stay at home and take on extra lessons was going to solve my problems, well, it turns out that was so the wrong thing to do. Everyone was trying to fix things and it was laughable. They didn’t have a clue what was going on, none of them did, not Mum, not my friends and definitely not Mrs Anwar, who invited herself along to the meeting with Mr Swift.
‘Do you know why we’ve asked your mum to come in, Scarlett?’ Mrs Anwar said.
I was tempted to make some smart remark, but I bit my tongue and shrugged. She was sitting on one side of the table next to Mr Swift, while me and Mum sat on the other. It was a wonder my chair wasn’t smaller than everyone else’s so they could all look down on me. It was actually funny because I was taller than Mum and Mrs Anwar, and it was only Mr Swift who was on my level.
Mrs Anwar shuffled through a pile of papers in front of her and turned a couple around so Mum could read them. I didn’t need to, the sheets were covered in my writing with comments from teachers in red ink.
I still didn’t get what all the fuss was about and said, ‘I got a B for that one.’
‘And a C for the other one,’ Mr Swift said. ‘And for some of our students that would be a pretty decent result, but not for you, Scarlett.’ He dug out another test paper further down in the pile. ‘This is the kind of result you were getting last year.’
Mum leant forward to read the grade. ‘An A-star.’
‘And there are plenty more where