“I know what you meant,” she said. “Yes, married for real. I mean, we’re not in love with each other, Alan and I. But when you have kids, that stuff’s more trouble than it’s worth. He knows that, and so do I.”
“Yeah, I guess it could be that way,” Grayson growled. “This guy has kids, too?”
“Teenage daughters, Anna and Sarah. And they come first. Them, and Sam. For both of us.”
“Makes sense.”
“Does it? I keep thinking you should be angry, Gray. Angry that this is happening at all. That I got you into it. In fact, on some level, you are angry.”
“No, I’m not,” he insisted. “Or, not with you. It’s not your fault. Neither of us realized, when it was happening, that it was real….”
Real. Real as in legal. A very different kind of “real” from what she hoped to build with Alan.
The word echoed in Jill’s mind, and she suddenly wondered if she had the slightest idea what “real” actually meant. She thought back…
Las Vegas. The show. “Cinderella on Ice.” A dream come true. A dream made real. Only, from the very beginning, it hadn’t been.
Jill had skated since she could remember, pushed into it at first by her selfish and demanding mother, then loving it for its own sake. She had found a home away from home at the rink, when life with her mother, Rose Chaloner Brown, had been like a minefield that all beloved stepfather David Brown’s care and sense couldn’t make safe, and all of her sisters’ companionship couldn’t distract from.
Rose had kicked her out the door when she was pregnant and alone at just eighteen, along with her stepsister, Catrina, who was almost Jill’s twin in age. Jill’s older sister, Suzanne, had refused to stay under a roof where her sisters weren’t welcome, so she’d left at that time, also.
“Ungrateful,” Rose had called all three of them. She’d used much harsher labels, as well.
After this, the expense of Jill’s competitive amateur career had been way too much for the sisters’ stretched finances. So she had concentrated on teaching as a fallback, while dreaming of the chance to skate in professional shows.
She had had Sam to raise, also. He was still the best thing that had ever happened to her, despite the disaster of her naive infatuation for his father. None of it had been easy, though. Ivy League boyfriend Curtis Harrington hadn’t wanted to know about the coming baby. Jill didn’t know how she would have managed if she hadn’t had Suzanne’s and Catrina’s help, as well as that of Catrina’s eccentric Cousin Pixie, for the past couple of years.
Back in March, just after Sam’s fourth birthday, she’d gotten her big break at last. Andrea, a close friend during their teens at the ice rink in Philadelphia, had been forced to pull out of her role in “Cinderella on Ice” for six weeks, due to an injury. The one-sided contract Andrea had signed stipulated that she’d lose her place in the show permanently unless she could come up with a temporary replacement of her own.
Enter Jill Brown, with stars in her eyes.
She had left Sam in the loving care of her sisters and flown out to Las Vegas to step onto the ice as a Featured Mouse and Cinderella understudy. And she had hated every minute of it. Her dreams were shattered. She felt like a fool for thinking that a showgirl lifestyle, so incompatible with Sam’s needs, could have made her happy.
The show was a cheap takeoff of the far more glamorous Disney version. The performers were badly paid and badly treated, and tensions between the cast members were high. Jill had missed Sam more than she’d have thought possible, every minute of every day. The knowledge that he was happy and well cared for with Cat, Suzanne and Pixie didn’t help.
She was supposed to endure almost six more weeks of this?
Maybe it should have helped when Trixie, the regular Cinderella, came down with a bad dose of flu on Jill’s first Saturday in Las Vegas. To skate as Cinderella should have been a dream come true, but it wasn’t.
Lying in bed in a darkened room, Trixie had overwhelmed Jill with advice and instructions, in a pained, croaky voice. “And don’t forget that publicity thing afterward. The ‘Cinderella Marathon’ thing.”
“What?”
“The ball thing, the contest, with the cable channel.”
“I don’t know anything about that.”
“You just have to stick around the hotel. It’s in the big function room. You’re the so-called ‘Celebrity bride.’ They’ll tell you what to do. You haven’t heard about it? There’s been a lot of publicity about the rules and prizes, and all.”
“No, I haven’t heard about it.” I’ve been too busy crying into my pillow, missing Sam and wishing I’d never come.
“It’s no big deal, but you know management will kill you if you don’t show.”
“I know.”
So she had “shown” for the “Cinderella contest thing” in the big function room just as she was supposed to do, without the slightest idea what it was all about….
“This is it,” Gray said, wheeling the pickup to a halt in front of a big metal shed.
Jill was impressed by the sizeable collection of buildings grouped nearby. She could only guess what they were used for. Milking? Did the McCalls run the kind of cattle that got milked? Somehow, she thought not.
In the distance, she could glimpse the large new house on the hill, the place that the McCalls were renting out in order to stretch their cash flow a little. It was separated from this section of the ranch by three fences and a line of healthy young trees, their leaves ablaze with fall color.
Gray jumped out of the truck, and she watched him for a moment before getting out herself. He was such a capable looking man, as upright and sturdy as a tree trunk, both in body and heart, but she had known from the moment they met that he was hurting. Something in his life wasn’t right, and he had his back to the wall as he fought his circumstances.
She didn’t know the whole story, but she knew some of it, thanks to the way they’d talked that night in Las Vegas six months ago. His father had overstretched their finances with the purchase of a neighboring ranch immediately before his death. As a result, Grayson, his newly widowed mother and his fit but elderly grandfather were in danger of losing the land that had been in the McCall family for over eighty years.
Until seeing the place for herself today, Jill hadn’t been able to grasp what that meant. Now, she was just beginning to understand. This place was substantial, beautiful, and expensive to run—rewarding of success and dramatically unforgiving of failure.
And somehow the thought of Gray failing, of losing the fight to save his family ranch after the blow of his father’s death, suddenly mattered to her. It mattered in a way that made her throat tighten and took her breath away. She didn’t want to think of him failing after such a struggle, through no fault of his own.
This was what the word “real” meant, she understood.
“Real” wasn’t the bewildering whirl of their publicity-stunt Cinderella marriage, under the glare of TV lights. The marriage was legal, as Jill’s lawyer had advised, but it wasn’t real. “Real” wasn’t even the unexpected moment of stillness in the midst of it all. The moment when she and Gray had said their vows, still believing them to be a meaningless charade, and had looked into each other’s eyes and felt…magic.
None of those things were real. But this…This was real. Gray’s struggle to keep his ranch and the life he loved was real. No wonder he just wanted to sign those divorce papers, watch Sam get quickly well and wave them goodbye.
Alan was right, she thought. He knew I couldn’t get the magic of that night with Gray out of my head. He knew I had