‘You make it sound so easy,’ he whispered.
‘When the time comes it will be easy,’ she promised.
‘For other men perhaps. Not for me. I said I didn’t know myself, but I do know a few things. I know I can come across as overbearing, so that even if I like a woman she recoils from me.’
His words caused a pain in her heart. Driven by an impulse she barely understood, she took his face in her hands.
‘I’m not afraid of you,’ she said softly. ‘Life is treating you cruelly, not the other way around.’
‘How do I stand up to life and fight it back? And if I win, how will I know?’
‘You might never know. Sometimes the fight goes on for ever. But you don’t give in. There’s always something to fight for.’
A new look came into his eyes and he leaned forward until his mouth almost met hers.
‘Yes, there’s always something to fight for,’ he whispered.
The soft touch of his lips sent a tremor through her, then another, with such power and intensity that she had no choice but to return the caress. And then again, responding helplessly to the sweet excitement of the feeling.
‘Ellie,’ he murmured.
‘Yes—yes—’
She could not have explained what she was saying ‘yes’ to. She only knew that the desire to continue doing this had taken possession of her.
She felt his arms going around her tentatively, as though leaving the next move up to her. She returned the embrace, moving her mouth softly against his.
‘Yes,’ she repeated. ‘Yes.’
Then his arms became stronger, his embrace more desperate, and she felt herself drawn into a new world.
THE FLIGHT FROM London to Rome took two and a half hours. Ellie spent the time gazing out of the window, trying to escape the thoughts that haunted her. But in her heart she knew there was no escape.
She had thought of herself as sensible, controlled and disciplined. These were the characteristics that had enabled her to keep command of her life. Years of watching the aching unhappiness that had destroyed her parents’ marriage had made her overcautious. Feelings were dangerous things to be kept to herself.
Yet Leonizio had destroyed her caution without even knowing he was doing it. He was a hard man, protected from the world. That was how she saw him, how he preferred to be seen. But suddenly there had been a crack in his armour, giving her a glimpse of the pain concealed within.
Even more surprising had been the sympathy he’d shown for her own troubles. It was the last thing she’d expected from him, and it had softened her heart, making her reach out to him even more intensely.
The result had been devastating. She had meant only to offer him comfort. Yet the touch of his lips had sent desire and emotion blazing through her, destroying common sense, destroying caution, destroying everything but the need to travel this road to the end.
Night after night the memories returned as she lay alone. The sudden cool air on her skin as he’d stripped away her clothes and laid his lips against her breasts; the fierce yearning for him to touch her more—then more—and more. Finally the great moment when he had taken her completely, and everything in her had rejoiced.
It was something she would never forget: the fierce pleasure, unlike anything she had ever known before, the blazing satisfaction as they both climaxed. The feeling of empty desolation as they’d parted, each avoiding the other’s eyes.
When her mind cleared she was shocked at herself for having given in to her feelings without caution. But how could she have thought about it in advance when it had sprung on her out of nowhere, like a storm from a calamitous sky?
And if I’d seen it coming I wouldn’t have let it happen, she mused. Would that have been better?
She found that a hard question to answer. Would it really have been better not to discover the fierce pleasure of his lovemaking?
And could she have turned away from Leonizio when everything in her had flamed with need of him?
When it was over there had been the dizzying sensation of seeing her own reflection, her locks cascading about her shoulders. It was like meeting another person and trying to believe that it was herself.
Silently she’d addressed the woman in the mirror.
I guess you’re my other self. A different me, and yet the same me. I’ve never met you before, and I’m not sure I want you to hang around. You’ve already got me into trouble.
To make certain of it, she pulled her hair back again, fixing it tightly as before.
Now stay away, she told her other self, now fading into the mists.
If Leonizio noticed that she had changed selves he didn’t mention it. He’d paid his bill and they bade each other a polite farewell.
He’d soon returned to Italy and after that they had communicated only formally. He had abandoned his claim on his wife’s child and the divorce was moving to a speedy conclusion. That was the end, she told herself. Leonizio no longer needed her professional services and each could forget that the other existed,
Eight weeks had passed since she’d last seen him. She’d spent the intervening time telling herself that it had been a fantasy. Nothing had really happened.
But, with shattering impact, she had discovered that she was wrong. She’d been reckless to sleep with him, but they had used protection. Only it must have failed. It had to have failed. She was carrying his child.
To make her troubles worse, she desperately needed someone with whom she could share the news. But she was alone. Both her parents had died several years before, and there were no other family members that she was close enough to confide in.
Suddenly her life had become a desert. She was thirty-eight, and pregnant by a man four years younger than herself. Who else could she tell but her baby’s father? However hard it would be to manage, they must have one more meeting so that she could reveal the news that changed the world.
By good luck some papers arrived that required his signature.
‘Best not entrust these to the post,’ she’d said to Dallon. ‘I’ll hand deliver them.’
‘There’s no need for you to go all the way to Italy to be a messenger,’ he’d protested. ‘There’s a firm I can use to deliver this stuff.’
‘I think it would help if I was with him when he signs, in case he raises any problems.’
‘Fair enough.’ He’d given her a friendly grin. ‘You weren’t planning on doing some sightseeing in Rome as well?’
‘Well, it’s my grandmother’s city and I’ve always longed to see it.’
‘Ah, I see. Get a sneaky holiday under the guise of duty. Very clever.’
He’d winked kindly. ‘All right, I’ll fall for it. You’re due for a break.’
She’d smiled and let the matter go. Anything was better than having him suspect her real reason for going to Rome.
She’d emailed Leonizio that she would bring the papers and set off at once, without waiting for his reply. There was a flight due to leave that same day.
She landed in Rome in the evening, too late to go to his office, so she made for the Piazza Navona.
It was among the most