She refused to wince. Somehow being insecure in the face of Ethan’s confidence seemed like the worst possible thing. And blowing up in a full panic attack in front of him? Not an option. Years ago he’d left her because she was weak.
She dug her nails into her thigh and tried to hang on, to keep her body and her mind from bolting out of control. It wasn’t easy with her pulse stuttering and a thin sheen of cold sweat coating her skin.
Even with Ethan’s knowledge of Sean’s first proposal, Ashley didn’t know what to think. She had no idea what Sean was involved in or what Ethan’s plans for her were.
Until Ethan proved his intentions, she wasn’t about to go along without more than a story that needed to stay in the past. “You’re speculating a lot. Maybe the man was trying to help me.” Not likely, since he’d made his threats quite clear, but if that was the case, there was no reason to panic. Maybe—please, Lord—this was all some giant mistake.
Ethan’s face hardened like cut stone, dark eyes steely under blond hair just long enough to have a wave in it. He checked for traffic and accelerated onto the highway. “Stop it. This is not a game.” The leather seat protested as Ethan pushed against it. “You and I both know what he wanted. He threatened you. He was no Good Samaritan.” The look he fired at her was one usually reserved for suspects under arrest. “Fine. Here it is. All of my cards, on the table, so you’ll know this is bigger than all of us.”
In that moment Ashley knew. She knew what she’d always suspected, knew there was more to his disappearance than her inability to cope with life. Her fingers balled. “You went into Intelligence.”
A frown creased Ethan’s cheek and he turned his attention to the road, almost as though it was too painful to look her in the eye. “I did. For a while.”
Yeah, he ought to be afraid to look at her. After serving as an MP, Ashley’s goals had curved toward Intelligence, gathering information on their enemies using her beloved computers. Ethan had been right there beside her, driving toward the same dream.
And Ethan had been there the day the dream blew away on the wind.
“That’s why you took off when I was recovering. When I got in, you were wait-listed.” The realization pounded tension across her forehead. “When I got shot, you took my spot.”
“They offered me the schooling and I took it before I fully realized what was going on. If I hadn’t gone in your place, someone else would have.” He dragged a hand through his hair. “Sean filled me in on how you’d been doing. You got out of the army to help companies shore up their network security and infrastructures, using your contacts to hook people up with what they need to function in the twenty-first century.” His smile lost its sadness and grew smug. “Am I right?”
So he thought he knew so much. Oh, how she wanted to wipe the grin off his face. “You’re right, but how is this laying out all of your cards? Sounds more like you’re telling me what I already know. All you’re doing right now is proving you’re a stalker.”
The smile vanished. “Sean is working with me.”
Ashley fought to keep her face impassive, even as her eye twitched. She watched city fade into the darkness of the country through his side window. “Sean’s not with Intelligence.”
“No, but he’s involved in an ongoing operation.” Sinking against the seat, Ethan settled in as though he had a long story to tell. “And, even though you don’t know it, so are you.”
That wasn’t true. Of all people, Sean knew better. And Ethan should, too. “What do you want?” The words rode the edge of a blade, sharp and cold.
“Trust me.”
The simple request tugged at her the way Ethan alone could. But...no. He wanted her trust? After taking on the position she’d earned? After simply vanishing on the very day she’d decided to tell him she needed him in her life? She’d hurt Sean and embarrassed them both because she hadn’t been able to shake her feelings for Ethan, feelings he hadn’t returned.
She’d waited for him for hours, alone in her hospital room, and he’d never shown. Not that night or the next... Not ever again until today. He’d simply disappeared without even a phone call, making no further contact even when a complication from the gunshot had nearly taken her life.
Never. She’d never give him the chance to hurt her again.
Ashley held up one finger, then pinched her cheek between the thumb and index finger of her free hand, eyes welling with unshed tears. She searched Ethan’s profile a long time. The headlights of a passing car illuminated the hard set of his jaw. Hold it together, girl. Ethan might have almost gotten her killed and taken off on her when she’d needed him, but he’d never, ever lied. “Okay. I believe you, but you tell me what you know before I tell you anything. Those cards? Still not on the table.”
“Smart girl. Even if you’re using those smarts against me.”
No way was she going to glow at his praise. No. Way. He didn’t deserve it.
Ethan didn’t wait for her to respond. “Seven months ago, Sean deployed to Afghanistan. Likely it was sooner than anyone expected.”
“He’s been gone so much the past few years, I was pretty shocked the army would send him again when he’d been home less than a year.”
“He asked.”
Her eyes widened and her mouth opened, closed, opened again before she could find her voice. “Why?”
“On his last deployment, Sean got wind of some issues with the Field Ordering Officer, the guy in charge of the money going to contractors to build Forward Operating Bases and the like. He did a little digging and found discrepancies in the paperwork from some of the contractors. A group of locals and two companies in particular. Some of the discrepancies didn’t match between live documents and backup copies. Someone had hacked in and made changes, small ones scattered over a lot of entries. It added up to huge amounts of cash, virtually untraceable. He contacted me because he was unsure if his chain of command was involved.”
Ethan watched her closely from the corner of his eye, gauging what she knew.
Well, he could gauge all he wanted. All of this was news to her. Deeply troubling news in light of Sean’s mysterious messages. “Prove to me you’re helping him and not digging for information, thinking he’s involved with the bad guys.” Ashley knew how investigations worked, and she wouldn’t tip her hand until she was certain Sean wasn’t in danger.
“Nobody’s saying Sean’s in with the bad guys, but you know for us to be good at our jobs we have to keep every possibility in mind.”
“There’s no way.” She shifted slightly in the seat, streetlights playing dark and light across her hands.
“Anything is possible for anybody.” The truck engine hummed louder as Ethan changed lanes to take an exit that would lead them away from Syracuse and deeper into the North Country. Shadows in the cab grew darker as they left the city behind. “Money can turn even the strongest of minds.”
Something about the look on his face didn’t sit right with her. He couldn’t possibly think Sean could be bought. “So you’re telling me even you have a price?” She leaned closer, not quite bridging the gap between them. “How much would it take? Ten thousand? Half a million? At what point would you turn your back on the country you’ve sworn to defend? If everyone has a price, what’s yours?”
Red heat hit his skin as though she’d turned a flamethrower on him. Yeah. He ought to be ashamed of himself.
Her chuckle was low and harsh. “It’s insulting to you. And it would be just as insulting to Sean.” She tugged at the sleeve of