“Oh, Agatha, don’t you know your fairy tales? If he takes me to the Ball, then he’ll kiss me! Like Cinderella at midnight! Kisses always happen at the Ball! And by then my hair will have grown and I’ll have fixed my shoes and—oh no, the gown! Can you steal some charmeuse from one of the girls? Some crepe de chine too. And tulle! Mountains of tulle! Preferably in pink, but I can always dye it, though tulle never looks quite right dyed. Perhaps we should go with chiffon, then. Much more manageable.”
Agatha blinked, speechless.
“You’re right, I should ask him first,” Sophie said, leaping up. “No frowns, darling. It’ll be easy as pie. You’ll see! Princess Sophie at a Ball!”
“What are you—YOU’LL RUIN EVERYTHI—”
But Sophie had already flounced to the Evers’ side, plopped next to Tedros, and held out her pail.
“Hello, handsome. Want some of my … feet?”
Tedros misfired his marble into Chaddick’s eye. The entire Clearing went silent.
He turned to her. “Your girlfriend’s calling.”
Sophie followed his eyes to Agatha, waving her off.
“She’s just upset,” Sophie sighed. “You were right, Tedros. She and I are too close. That’s why I left in the middle of class yesterday. To tell her it’s time I make Good friends now.”
“Dot said you left because you were sick.”
Sophie coughed. “Oh, well, I had a bit of a cold—”
“She said it was diarrhea.”
“Diarr—” Sophie swallowed. “You know Dot. Always making things up.”
“She doesn’t seem like a liar to me.”
“Oh, she’s always lying. Just to get attention. Since she’s, you know …”
Tedros raised his eyebrows. “Since she’s …”
“Fat.”
“I see.” Tedros lined up his marble. “Funny, isn’t it? She crawled into empty graves to eat enough worms for the two of you, just so you wouldn’t fail. Said you’re her best friend.”
“Did she?” Sophie saw Dot waving at her. “How depressing.” She turned to Tedros, who was preparing to shoot. “Do you remember when we first met, Tedros? It was in the Blue Forest. Nothing that happened after matters, not you punching me or calling me a Never or you landing in poo. What matters is what you felt at first sight. You wanted to rescue me, Tedros. And here I am.”
She folded her hands. “Whenever you’re ready, then.”
Tedros looked up at her. “What?”
“To ask me to the Ball,” Sophie said, smiling.
The prince’s face didn’t change.
“I know it’s a bit early, but a girl does have to plan,” Sophie pressed.
Beatrix shoved in. “No room for Nevers.”
“What? There’s plenty of room,” Sophie huffed—
But Reena jostled her, then six other girls, and Sophie was pushed out of the circle entirely. She whirled to Tedros to defend her.
“Can you go away?” he said, eyes on his marble. “You’re blocking my view.”
Agatha smirked as Sophie stomped towards her.
“Easy as pie, hmm?”
Sophie blew past her—
“Humble pie!” Agatha shouted.
“It’s the hair!” Sophie sobbed.
“It’s not the hair!” Agatha said as they trudged through the Blue Forest gates. “You need to make him like you first! Otherwise we’ll never get home!”
“It’s supposed to be love at first sight. That’s how fairy tales work!”
“Time for Plan B.”
“Then again, he didn’t say no,” Sophie said hopefully. “Perhaps it didn’t go so badly.”
Dot rushed up. “Everyone’s saying you called Tedros a liar, threw poo in his face, and licked his feet!”
Sophie turned to Agatha. “What’s Plan B?”
They arrived with the rest of their Forest Group to find eight glass coffins nestled in turquoise grass.
“Each week, we’ll repeat the challenge to discern Good from Evil, since it is the most crucial skill you will take into the Woods,” Yuba announced. “Today we’ll test the Evers. Given the fascination with yesterday’s burials, I thought we’d give you a taste of your own.”
With that, he made Evergirls and Nevergirls climb into the open coffins and with a swish of his staff, turned all eight into identical dark-haired princesses with big hips, round backsides, and trouty lips.
“I’m obese,” Sophie gasped.
“Look, this is your chance,” Agatha said, remembering Princess Uma’s words. “If Tedros is your greatest wish, he’ll be pulled towards you! He’ll know you’re his true love!”
“But Beatrix will wish for him too!”
“You have to wish harder! Focus on what you love about him! Focus on what makes him yours!”
Yuba slammed the glass lids on both girls and jumbled the eight coffins. “Now study the maidens carefully and search for signs of Good,” he said to the boys. “Once you’re sure you’ve found an Ever, kiss her hand and her true nature will be revealed!”
The Everboys warily ventured towards the coffins—
“We want to play too.”
Yuba turned to Hort and the Neverboys, chomping at the bit.
“Mmm, I suppose it’ll give our girls incentive to behave,” said the gnome.
Inside the coffins, eight plump princesses stiffened as both Good and Evil boys wandered around them. Hort snuck to a blue mint bush, stepped over a snacking skunk, and tore off a few leaves. He saw Ravan staring.
“What? I like being fresh,” said Hort, munching mint.
“Hurry up and make your choices!” Yuba barked.
In her coffin, Agatha wished Tedros would look deep into Sophie’s heart and see who she truly was. …
In her coffin, Sophie closed her eyes and thought of everything she loved about her prince. …
Tedros, meanwhile, didn’t want any of these girls. But just as he was about to bag the challenge, he felt his eyes drawn to the third coffin. Something pulled him towards its maiden, even though she looked just like all the rest. A warmth, a glow, a spark of energy pulsing between them. Yes, something was there. Something he hadn’t noticed before. One of these girls was more than what she seemed. …
“Time’s up!” Yuba said.
Agatha heard a bloodcurdling shriek and spun to Sophie, back in her body, lips scrunched against Hort’s.
Hort released her. “Oh, the hand. Oops.” He popped another mint leaf. “Should we start again?”
“You APE!” Sophie kicked him and he crashed into the mint bush, onto the snacking skunk, which raised its tail and sprayed him in the eyes. Hort staggered around, ramming into coffins—“I’m blind! I’m blind!”—until he smashed into Sophie’s again, which slammed shut, sealing his skunked body in with hers. Aghast, Sophie rammed the glass, but it wouldn’t budge.
“Rule #5. Nevers don’t trifle