‘All sorts of things, and far too many to list at the moment if you don’t want anyone overhearing.’
His tone was flat yet she sensed a certain tension about him, which surprised her. It was unlike Connor to display his feelings. He’d always been very cool and contained, keeping his emotions in check—apart from when they’d been sharing their most intimate moments, of course.
The memory of their love-making brought a rush of heat to her cheeks and she turned away, busying herself with signing her name in the visitors’ book. Security was tight and only parents or people designated by a parent were allowed inside the crèche. She moved away from the desk, then paused. If Connor tried to follow her, he would have problems getting in. Even though she hated the thought of him meeting Izzy, she didn’t want to run the risk of him causing a scene.
‘Dr Mackenzie is with me,’ she informed the nursery nurse who was standing guard at the door. ‘Is it all right if he comes in with me?’
‘So long as he signs the book,’ the girl agreed. ‘Shall I add him to the list of people authorised to see Izzy?’
‘No,’ Lucy said quickly.
‘Yes.’ Connor signed his name, ignoring the furious look she shot at him. He treated the girl to one of his most captivating smiles. ‘If it isn’t too much trouble.’
‘Of course not!’ The young nursery nurse beamed at him. ‘Just fill in this card with your contact details and hand it back to me on your way out. I’ll do the rest.’
‘Thanks.’ Connor pocketed the card then slid his hand under Lucy’s elbow and steered her away from the desk. He shook his head when she opened her mouth to protest. ‘Save it till later. I don’t want Izzy getting upset because she’s seen us fighting.’
Lucy’s lips clamped together. She couldn’t argue with that sentiment, but she resented his high-handed attitude and intended to tell him that as soon as she got the chance.
She shrugged off his hand as they entered the main section of the crèche, which had once housed the physiotherapy department’s gymnasium. It had been transformed into an attractive play area now, complete with a large plastic slide and shelves full of toys. A separate room had been set aside for the babies so she went straight there, her face breaking into a smile when she saw Izzy sitting on a rug in the corner. The little girl was happily beating a plastic saucepan with a wooden spoon and Lucy felt a rush of love assail her as she knelt down beside her.
‘Hello, darling. Are you having a lovely time?’
Izzy immediately dropped the spoon and held out her arms to be picked up. Lucy lifted her into the air and blew a raspberry on her tummy, feeling her eyes fill with tears as she inhaled the familiar scent of baby powder. Today had been the first time they’d been apart since Izzy had been born and she had missed her so much.
‘Aren’t you going to introduce us?’
She looked round when Connor spoke and maybe it was because she was already feeling so emotional that a lump came to her throat when she saw the expression on his face. He was staring at Izzy with such wonderment that the coldest heart would have melted.
All of a sudden she felt ashamed of her decision to keep Izzy’s existence a secret from him. At the time it had seemed like the right thing to do but it no longer felt that way. And yet if she accepted Connor’s role in her daughter’s life, she would have to accept him as part of her life, too. Could she cope with being around him on that basis? Or would the strain prove too much?
Her heart began to race but there was no way that she could avoid the truth any longer. She still loved Connor, even though she knew that he had never really loved her.
‘HELLO, Izzy.’
Connor could barely speak for the wealth of emotions that had hit him the moment he’d seen the child. It was strange because he’d never imagined he would experience such an intense reaction. He’d expected to feel something akin to what he felt for the children he treated—he wanted to care for them and make then better—but this was so much more. He couldn’t seem to drag his eyes away from her as he crouched down beside her and took stock of every tiny detail.
She had dark hair just like his, he realised in amazement. And huge green eyes, also like his. The rest of her features were exactly like Lucy’s, from the delicately arched brows to the sweet little rosebud mouth. He was suddenly struck by the sheer wonder of what they’d done by creating this tiny human being. Izzy had inherited bits of him and bits of Lucy, and the thought that their love-making had resulted in something so perfect shook him to the very core of his being. And yet, was it really so surprising?
His gaze moved to Lucy and pain gripped him as the memories came rushing back. Making love with Lucy had always been a magical experience. He’d had his share of relationships before they’d met, but what he’d felt for her had been far more profound than anything he had experienced before.
It was the reason why he’d taken the job in Boston, in fact. He had always planned on spending another year in Dalverston but he’d realised that he had been getting too involved with her and had been afraid that his career would suffer because of it. Moving to Boston had been the sensible thing to do, yet all of a sudden he found himself wondering if there were more important things than a career—like people to love and who would love him in return. Surely they mattered far more than a job?
Connor took a deep breath. It was only natural that he should feel unsettled, but he mustn’t allow it to throw him off course. He tickled Izzy’s hand and laughed when she immediately grabbed hold of his fingers. ‘She doesn’t seem worried about having a stranger touching her.’
‘She’s not reached the clingy stage yet,’ Lucy replied coldly, and he sighed. It was obvious from her tone that she was still angry with him.
‘Something to look forward to,’ he said lightly. He didn’t want her to think that it bothered him to be persona non grata in her eyes.
The thought touched an already sensitive nerve and he stood up. He’d spent far too much of his childhood feeling like an outsider to enjoy re-enacting the experience. Lucy started to get up as well and he automatically offered her his hand but she ignored him as she settled the baby onto her hip.
Connor forbore to say anything as he followed her from the room. If there were battles to be fought, he would save his energy until it was needed. However, she didn’t know him very well if she thought that he would back down in the face of her continued hostility.
The same nursery nurse was on duty at the door and he groaned when he remembered the registration card.
‘I’ve forgotten to fill in that card you gave me. Can I let you have it the next time I come?’ he offered, pausing by the reception desk. Lucy didn’t stop to wait for him and he saw the young woman frown as she watched her hurrying away.
‘Yes, if Miss Adams is with you to authorise it,’ she agreed, guardedly. ‘We have a strict rule that either a parent or a guardian must be present whenever anyone’s name is added to the register. It saves any confusion about who can and can’t remove a child from the crèche.’
‘I understand,’ he said grimly because he didn’t like being made to feel as though he was doing something wrong by wanting to see his own daughter.
He left the crèche and followed Lucy across the foyer, finally catching up with her as she was about to leave the building. It was pouring down with rain and he could see the problem she was having, trying to open her umbrella while holding onto Izzy.
‘Here, let me hold her while you do that,’ he offered, reaching out to take the baby from her.
‘I can manage,’ she snapped, moving Izzy out of his reach.
Connor