Yet she could no longer hold it in.
‘Things are very tense between Fatiq and me, Adele.’
‘Birthdays and anniversaries are the worst. Well, I haven’t lost a child and my mother’s still alive but I know how much they hurt,’ Adele said.
Indeed they did.
‘Separate rooms aren’t helping matters,’ the Queen admitted.
‘Does that have to be adhered to?’ Adele gently enquired.
‘I don’t know.’ Leila gave a helpless shake of her head.
‘What about when you go away?’
‘Oh, it will be separate apartments there,’ Leila said. ‘I cry every night.’
Adele was worried, not just for Leila but for Fatiq too.
They were grieving for their son but not together, and the rules kept them apart at a time when they needed to hold each other most.
And Leila spoke then about her tiny son, and how his little feet and toes had been just the same as his brothers. How hard he had fought to live. ‘He wanted to live, just as much as I wanted him to live,’ she said. ‘I want his life to have meant something wonderful—instead, year by year, it is proving to be the death of our marriage.’
Adele didn’t know what to say.
‘Oh, we would never break up but we are growing further apart and this operation hasn’t helped. Maybe I should have carried on with the healer.’
‘Leila,’ Adele said, ‘you collapsed. And am I right in guessing that it wasn’t the first time?’
‘You are right.’
‘You needed the surgery. I am so sorry you are hurting so badly today.’
‘I will miss Aafaq for ever,’ Leila told her.
‘Of course you will.’
‘It has helped to speak of him on his birthday. Usually I just deal with it alone and so does Fatiq. One day I hope we can speak of him but I can’t see it happening. This evening Zahir is taking me to the desert so that I can visit Aafaq’s grave. Usually I go by myself.’
‘What about Fatiq?’ Adele asked, and then corrected herself. ‘I mean, the King. Does he go and visit the grave?’
‘He went this morning.’ Leila said. ‘Alone. He’s so...’ Her face twisted in suppressed anger and Adele watched as she fought to check it.
‘He’s grieving,’ Adele said. ‘It manifests in different ways.’
There was a sad atmosphere back at the palace and, late afternoon, as Adele lay by the pool, she looked up and saw a helicopter. She guessed it was the Queen and Zahir.
* * *
It was.
He held his mother’s hand as they were taken deep into the desert and he held her shoulders as she stood dry-eyed and pale at her son’s grave.
Zahir looked at the small stone his father must have placed there earlier today.
‘I wish we could celebrate his life,’ Leila said. ‘Yet all it does is tear us apart.’
Zahir knew his mother was referring to her marriage.
‘Adele says that he is grieving,’ Leila continued. ‘That it manifests in different ways. I just thought he was angry with me.’
‘He is grieving,’ Zahir said, and he was glad that his mother had had Adele to talk to.
But soon she would be gone.
Now that he had seen a photo of Aafaq, now that he had spoken with his mother, it hurt even more to be here, and yet he would work through it.
Zahir prayed for his brother, for the tiny Prince who had never had a chance to serve his people.
He himself, on the other hand, did have a chance, yet it was being denied to him.
Still there was no hint of solutions.
He knelt in prayer and every fibre in his body strained for a sign, for a glimpse as to what he should do.
Be patient.
Do what is essential.
In time the answers will unfold.
Yet still they hadn’t.
He picked up sand from his brother’s grave and pocketed it.
And then he put his arm around his mother and walked her back to the helicopter.
She was drained and tired and Zahir was again glad that Adele was at the palace because she greeted the Queen with a gentle smile and he knew that his mother was in good hands.
Adele walked up the many stairs with Leila and on the way she saw Fatiq and lowered her head as she had been instructed to.
‘Fatiq,’ Leila called to her husband, and there was a plea in her voice. Adele would happily melt away if only these two would talk, would embrace, but then the King spoke.
‘Layla sa y da.’
Goodnight.
Adele checked Leila’s wounds and they had all healed. She gave her her potion and Leila lay in the vast bed and looked so alone.
‘You’re going to cry when I go, aren’t you?’ Adele said.
Leila nodded.
‘Would you like to cry with me?’
And she did. She cried for her tiny son who should be a man and her husband who seemed to be moving further away from her every day.
And Zahir heard it.
Walking in the grounds, he heard his mother weeping and he wanted to go upstairs and shake his father.
There must be change.
He was no longer patient.
LEILA SEEMED MUCH better in the morning.
‘Look,’ she said to Adele when she came in to check on her.
They would not go to the healing baths today as the King and Queen were flying off and Leila was preparing for her trip.
She held out a small square of fabric to Adele. ‘I made this last night.’
There were tiny rows of gold and reds and above dark navy and dots of stars and there in the centre was a small silver heart.
‘Where the earth and sky meet.’ Adele smiled. ‘For Aafaq.’
‘It is beautiful, isn’t it?’ Leila said. ‘I put all my love into it.’
Her maid came in to dress her and Adele witnessed a very regal Leila. She wore a cream gown with a sash and when they went downstairs Fatiq was wearing a military uniform.
All the staff lined up to formally bid them farewell as it was official business they were leaving on.
‘I will be back on Monday morning,’ Leila said to Adele, ‘in time to say goodbye. You are to enjoy your days off. Do you have plans?’
‘I want to go to the souqs and to see the desert,’ Adele admitted.
‘Well, there is a driver at your disposal, just take some time for yourself.’
‘You do the same,’ Adele said.