There would be other women on the ship who were nicely dressed, who would attract and keep the attention of a man like him. Such a nice-looking man.
She sighed and told herself not to be stupid. But she wasn’t used to being ignored. She’d been told many times she was a fine-looking woman. Other men had wanted to court her when she was younger, not just Daniel.
She wasn’t fine-looking now, wouldn’t have been even if she had been dressed nicely. Haggard was the best way of describing her, and she knew she looked years older than her age.
Perhaps one day she’d attract a man again, even if not this one. She’d like to marry, have children, live a normal life.
In the meantime, she had an adventure to face: a journey by ship to the other side of the world.
She had new friends: Ellis and his boys, and the Blake sisters. They were well-read and always had something interesting to say. She envied them their education. They must have read many more books than she had. She would enjoy their companionship on the ship.
Sarah was glad when it was time to board the ship but sorry to find herself lodged with another group of single women –widows like herself –instead of with Pandora and her sisters.
Her cabin was large. It had a long narrow table down the middle and cubicles down the sides, each sleeping four women in two pairs of hard, narrow bunks. They were placed in messes of eight with a leader appointed to take care of the food for the whole group. Why they chose Sarah as leader, she couldn’t work out. She didn’t want to be singled out in any way, just wanted to build up her health.
When they went up on deck, the matron kept a careful eye on the single women. That amused Sarah. Did they think any of the men would want women who looked like starvelings?
She didn’t see the Doyles the first time on deck, but on her second outing little Rory came running towards her smiling and she found herself sitting there talking to him, telling him stories as her mother used to do with her.
Kevin stood to one side pretending not to listen.
Ellis came across to join his sons, speaking politely about the weather, not staying long. He didn’t waste words, that was for sure.
At first time hung heavy on their hands. Everyone feared for the three months the voyage would take, but to her delight the ship’s passengers organised classes to help pass the three month journey to Australia. She joined groups for reading and sewing, went to the regular weekly concert. She’d have joined the choir, because she loved music, but she was a poor singer, often making people wince when she did join in.
She noticed that Ellis was in the choir and found the boys coming to sit with her during the concerts. Afterwards he would always hurry them away.
There was no pretence of courting. Well, it wasn’t real, was it? He probably found her ugly, with her scrawny body and horrible old clothes.
Only once did they have a real conversation.
‘What did you do in Ireland, Mr Doyle?’ she asked.
‘I was a stable hand. I’m good with horses. But I’ll work at anything to make a good life for my lads in Australia. It must be hard for you, going so far away on your own.’
‘Yes, but I have a job waiting, as a maid.’
‘Will you like that?’
‘I’ll like eating regularly and being paid. And it’ll give me a start.’
‘I don’t have a job waiting. But I’m hopeful. People always need help with horses, don’t you think?’
He stood as if trying to think of something to say, then walked away abruptly.
Although the journey was long and the confines of the ship so stifling, Sarah found enjoyment in reading and sewing classes.
In the reading class, the Blake sisters were the best speakers. Sarah could have sat and listened to them all day.
Ellis was also a member of the reading group but when he was asked to take his turn, he read so haltingly and looked so embarrassed that he wasn’t asked again. The teacher was tactful like that.
A very short woman called Miss Roswell was the best at sewing. It was obvious that she didn’t need lessons, just wanted the company. She soon began helping the teacher, who could get a bit impatient if people were clumsy in their work.
When the teacher claimed exhaustion and gave up running the class, Miss Roswell took over, which was all to the good.
One day she asked Sarah to stay behind. ‘I hope you don’t think I’m being too personal but I know what it’s been like for the people of Lancashire. I can see that your clothes were made for other women and I wondered if you’d like me to help you alter them?’
Sarah felt ashamed but wasn’t going to miss an opportunity like that. ‘Would you have time?’
‘I have all too much time on my hands at the moment. You’d be doing me a favour.’
Gradually, Sarah’s hand-me-downs were transformed into well-fitting and even stylish clothes. Oh, that made her feel so much better.
But out of perversity, she didn’t wear the best of them, even though Miss Roswell had hinted that Ellis kept looking at her when he thought no one would notice and she should encourage him.
Sarah knew her face had become rosier, could see for herself that she was getting her shape back under her newly altered clothes. But if he had to have her wearing new clothes to want her, then he wasn’t worth it. Was he? Or was she being too proud?
Ellis joined the reading group to while away the long hours of doing nothing. He sent his lads to a class for children, relieved that they wouldn’t see how poor he was at reading. Well, when had he ever had the chance for a proper education?
He saw Mrs Boswick in the class but when he made a mess of his first reading and heard how well she could read, he felt too ashamed to do anything but sit at the back and try to escape everyone’s notice.
He was glad to see her looking better, filling out a little, getting nice rosy cheeks. She must have been short of food for a long time. She wasn’t the only woman whose appearance had changed since they set off. Quite a few of them had blossomed. But the others didn’t interest him. She did.
After the second reading group meeting the teacher asked him to stay behind.
‘Would you like me to give you some extra help with the reading, Mr Doyle?’
‘Why would you do that, Mr Paine?’
‘Because I have too much time on my hands and because reading is such a joy to me that I like to share it with others.’
‘Oh. Well. If you don’t mind, I’d be grateful, I would so.’
‘You can come to my cabin for the lessons. We can be private there.’
But what was he going to do with his boys? They were so lively, they needed someone to keep an eye on them. He didn’t want them falling overboard.
After some thought, he asked Mrs Boswick if she’d mind watching them because she seemed to enjoy their company. He was too embarrassed to explain why, but she didn’t ask, just said in her usual quiet way, ‘I’d enjoy that. We can play games or I can read to them.’
Rory in particular seemed very attached to her. Ellis wasn’t sure whether that fondness for her was a good or bad thing. After all, they might never see one another again after they arrived in Australia and Rory had already lost one person he loved. But learning to read better was so important, Ellis took the risk of her finding out what he was doing and looking down on him.