Her mind froze with the implications of losing him. This time around it would be so much worse, because he was willing to give it all up for her.
And she had to push him away.
‘I—I can’t. I’m sorry.’
She had a second to register his open-mouthed shock before she bolted from the restaurant, dodging a family of boisterous children brandishing crackers and a bedraggled Santa who looked as if he’d been doing overtime all week.
She couldn’t head for the car, and both sides of the road were lined with outdoor chairs and tables filled to overflowing with Christmas revellers.
Her hesitation cost her dearly. A hand clamped around her upper arm.
‘I’ve asked the waiter to hold our meal until we’ve had a little chat. In private.’
She could have struggled, but with people casting concerned glances their way and reaching for their mobile phones she acquiesced to him leading her to the car, where she slouched in the front seat like a recalcitrant child.
‘Nora told me you have trust issues and that you’d tell me the rest. Is that what this is about?’
Way to go, Mum, she thought. Traitor.
She folded her arms and glared. ‘Maybe I’m just not that into you?’
He laughed. ‘Not buying it. Try again.’
She clamped her lips shut in the hope that he’d tire of the silent treatment and give up.
‘She said you were scared. Has some guy done a number on you? Because I can emasculate him if that’ll help.’
The corners of her mouth curved upwards before she could stop them.
‘You know I’ll keep throwing out outlandish suggestions ’til you tell me the truth, right?’
And he would. If the guy had been determined enough to win the World Championship five times, odds were he wouldn’t let up.
She took a deep breath, blew it out. ‘My dad let me down repeatedly. Rarely followed through on promises. Popped in when he felt like it. Paid more attention to his next three wives than he did to Mum and me. Then when Mum was diagnosed he stopped contact altogether.’
Archer swore.
‘Yeah, I think I’ve used that expletive a few times myself.’ She shrugged, hoping he’d back off and she wouldn’t have to divulge the rest—the real reason why she was petrified of a relationship with Archer. ‘Guess I’m reluctant to trust people because of that.’
‘There’s more.’
She should’ve known he’d be too smart to let this go.
‘Cal, look at me.’
But she couldn’t. Couldn’t risk him seeing her real fear.
‘Your dad sounds like a selfish jerk, but that’s not what has you so scared.’
When she still wouldn’t eyeball him, he swore again. ‘Thanks to you, I sorted things out with my family. I stashed my damn pride and took the first step in rebuilding the gap I created.’ He jabbed a thumb at his chest. ‘I’ve got trust issues too, because they didn’t trust me enough to confide in when they should’ve. I often wonder if it’s me, something about me that made them do that. But I’m not wasting time second-guessing myself any more, Cal. It’s not worth it. I’m going out on a limb here because it’s you. I’m scared like you are, so there has to be more.’
Damn him for being so intuitive.
‘Is this about the motor neurone disease? Are you scared you’ll inherit it?’
Her gaze snapped to his, and in that instant she gave away her final fear.
‘Because it’s natural to be scared, but whatever happens in the future we’ll face it together.’
‘Are you crazy? You saw my mum. And she’s only going to get worse. You think I want you to...?’ She trailed off in horror, tears blurring her eyes at how close she’d come to blurting the truth.
‘Tell me.’
He placed a fingertip under her chin and gently tipped it up so she had no option but to look at him.
She wanted to fob him off, to lie, but the love blazing from his intent stare was her undoing.
‘You think I want you to be stuck with something like that? For you to give up your freedom for me?’ She shook her head, dislodging his touch. ‘If the disease didn’t kill me, the guilt would.’ A great sob tore from her chest. ‘I want more for you.’
‘You’re all I want—’
He broke off, and for one horrifying moment she thought he might cry.
‘Look, I’m new to this emotional stuff. I don’t know what to do or say to prove I love you.’
He dropped his head into his hands, his defeatist posture so far removed from the confident guy she knew it got through to her as nothing else could.
He loved her.
He wanted to be with her.
How many people got a second chance at their first love?
Tentative, she reached out and laid a hand on his shoulder. ‘Genetic testing says I don’t carry the mutated gene, but that doesn’t mean I can’t get it. My chances are still elevated.’
He lifted his head, his bleak expression tearing at her inside. ‘Life’s full of risks, Cal. I take risks every day. Sharks. Rips. Getting on a plane. In a car. If we don’t take risks we’re half dead anyway. And that’s not you. The woman I remember in Capri was vivacious and bold and lived life to the max. I’ve seen glimpses of that woman the last week and she’s magnificent.’
She couldn’t speak if she wanted to. Her throat was constricted with emotion.
‘I won’t pre-empt your mum, but she’s going to tell you the same thing I just did. She wants you to make the most of your life, to embrace it, not run from it for fear of losing it one nebulous day that may never come.’
‘I don’t want you to give up who you are for me. I won’t be that selfish, like Dad—’
‘He’s a callous bastard and you’re nothing like him. You’re standing by your mum. You’re doing everything in your power to show her how much she means to you. As for your trust issues because of him, I can deal with them.’ He jabbed a hand through his blond spikes. ‘I can deal with anything as long as I have you by my side.’
When it came down to it, that was what convinced her to give their relationship a go.
Having Archer by her side, through good and bad, was a pretty potent attraction.
‘What about kids? I’m not sure I could take the risk. They may inherit—’
‘Enough. You’re reaching for excuses, probably terrified to commit like me.’
Damn straight she was.
He tapped his chest. ‘If you’re feeling half as vulnerable and open wide in here as I am, you’re grasping at whatever you can to avoid taking a risk.’
He was good. He’d homed in on exactly how she was feeling: raw and vulnerable and shell-shocked.
And downright petrified.
He was right. She was grabbing at any old excuse, hiding her fear behind it.
But in opening her heart to him a second time around hadn’t she already taken the biggest risk of all?
He snagged her hand, squeezed it. ‘You’re worrying about the future when we need to live in the present.’
When