‘It was just cutter talk,’ Gared groaned, ‘it dint mean anything.’
Leesha had never spat in her life, but she spat at him. ‘Didn’t mean anything?’ she screamed. ‘You’ve ruined my life for something that didn’t mean anything?’
Gared got up, and Leesha backed off. He held up his hands and kept his distance.
‘Your life ent ruined,’ he said.
‘Brianne knows!’ Leesha shouted back. ‘And Saira and Mairy! The whole village will know by tomorrow!’
‘Leesha …’ Gared began.
‘How many others?’ she cut him off.
‘What?’
‘How many other did you tell, you idiot?’ she screamed.
He stuck his hands in his pockets and looked down. ‘Just the other cutters,’ he said.
‘Night! ALL of them?!’ Leesha ran at him, clawing at his face, but he caught her hands.
‘Calm down!’ Gared shouted. His hands, like two hams, squeezed, and a jolt of pain ran down her arms, bringing her to her senses.
‘You’re hurting me,’ she said with all the calm she could muster.
‘That’s better,’ he said, easing the pressure without letting go. ‘Doubt it hurts anywhere near as much as a kick in the seedpods.’
‘You deserved it,’ Leesha said.
‘Suppose I did,’ Gared said. ‘Now can we talk civilized?’
‘If you let go of me,’ she said.
Gared frowned, then let go quickly and skittered out of kicking range.
‘Will you tell everyone you lied?’ Leesha asked.
Gared shook his head. ‘Can’t do that, Leesh. I’ll look a fool.’
‘Better that I look a whore?’ Leesha countered.
‘You ent no whore, Leesh, we’s promised. It’s not like yur Brianne.’
‘Fine,’ Leesha said. ‘Maybe I’ll tell a few lies myself. If your friends teased you before, what do you think they’ll say if I tell them you weren’t stiff enough to do the deed?’
Gared balled one of his huge fists and raised it slightly. ‘Ya don’ wanna do that, Leesha. I’m being patient with ya, but if you go spreading lies like that, I swear …’
‘But it’s fine to lie about me?’ Leesha asked.
‘Won’t matter once we’re married,’ Gared said. ‘Everyone will forget.’
‘I’m not marrying you,’ Leesha said, and suddenly felt a huge weight shift from her.
Gared scowled. ‘Not like you have a choice,’ he said. ‘Even if someone would take ya now, that bookmole Jona or somesuch, I will beat him down. Ent no one in Cutter’s Hollow gonna take what’s mine.’
‘Enjoy the fruits of your lie,’ Leesha said, turning away before he saw her tears, ‘because I’ll give myself to the night before I let you make it a reality.’
It took all of Leesha’s strength to keep from breaking down in tears as she prepared supper that night. Every sound from Gared and Steave was like a knife in her heart. She had been tempted by Gared the night before. She had almost let him have his way, knowing full well what it meant. It had hurt to refuse him, but she had thought her virtue was hers to give. She had never imagined that he could take it with but a word, much less that he would.
‘Just as well you’ve been spending so much time with Bruna,’ came a whisper at her ear. Leesha whirled to find Elona standing there, smirking at her.
‘We wouldn’t want you to have a round belly on your wedding day,’ Elona said.
Regretting her tea comment from that morning, Leesha opened her mouth to reply, but her mother cackled and whirled away before she could find a word.
Leesha spat in her mother’s bowl, Gared’s and Steave’s, too. She felt hollow satisfaction as they ate.
Dinner was a horrid affair, Steave whispering in her mother’s ear, and Elona snickering at his words. Gared stared at her the whole time, but Leesha refused to look at him. She kept her eyes on her bowl, stirring numbly like her father beside her.
Only Erny seemed not to have heard Gared’s lie. Leesha was thankful for that, but she knew in her heart it could not last. Too many people seemed intent to destroy her with it.
She left the table as soon as she could. Gared kept his seat, but Leesha felt his eyes following her. The moment he retired into the shop, she barred him inside, feeling slightly safer.
Like so many nights before, Leesha cried herself to sleep.
Leesha rose doubting she had ever slept. Her mother had paid Steave another late-night visit, but Leesha felt only numbness as she listened to their grunts over the cacophony of the demons.
Gared, too, caused a thump deep in the night, discovering the door to the house barred. She smiled grimly as he tried the latch a few more times before finally giving up.
Erny came over to kiss the top of her head as she set the porridge on the fire. It was the first time they’d been alone together in days. She wondered what it would do to her already broken father when Gared’s lie found his ears. He might have believed her once, but with his wife’s betrayal still fresh, Leesha doubted he had much trust left to give.
‘Healing the sick again today?’ Erny asked. When Leesha nodded, he smiled and said, ‘That’s good.’
‘I’m sorry I haven’t had more time for the shop,’ Leesha said.
He took hold of her arms and leaned in close, looking her in the eyes. ‘People are always more important than paper, Leesha.’
‘Even the bad ones?’ she asked.
‘Even the bad ones,’ he confirmed. His smile was pained, but there was neither hesitation nor doubt in his answer. ‘Find the worst human being you can, and you’ll still find something worse by looking out the window at night.’
Leesha started to cry, and her father pulled her close, rocking her back and forth and stroking her hair. ‘I’m proud of you, Leesh,’ he whispered. ‘Papermaking was my dream. The wards won’t fail if you choose another path.’
She hugged him tightly, soaking his shirt with her tears. ‘I love you, Da,’ she said. ‘Whatever happens, never doubt that.’
‘I never could, sunlight,’ he said. ‘I’ll always love you, as well.’
She held on for a long time; her father the only friend she had left in the world.
She scooted out the door while Gared and Steave were still pulling on their boots. She hoped to avoid everyone on her way to the Holy House, but Gared’s friends were waiting just outside. Their greeting was a hail of whistles and catcalls.
‘Jus’ came by to make sure you and yur mum ent keeping Gared and Steave abed when they oughta be working!’ Ren called. Leesha turned bright red, but said nothing as she pushed past and hurried down the road. Their laughter cut at her back.
She didn’t think she was imagining it; the way people stared and broke into whispers as she passed. She hurried to the security of the Holy House, but when she arrived, Stefny