‘Mum, this is Nick.’
Alison tried very hard to treat him as if it were Ellie or Moira or just any friend coming in on Saturday morning before they headed out for a shopping expedition. Rose did the same as Alison finished getting ready, offering him a cup of tea, which Nick accepted, and chatting to him about the hospital and about England and how she and her late husband had wanted to take a trip around Europe when they retired.
‘So you’re just here for a couple of months, then?’ Alison heard her mum saying as she walked into the kitchen.
‘That’s the plan.’ Nick nodded. ‘I’ve got a cousin in New Zealand who’s getting married.’ Nick was pleasant and polite, and from the way he chatted he was in no rush to head out—in fact, he even accepted Rose’s offer of some toast and ginger marmalade.
‘Alison can’t stand it,’ Rose said as Alison rolled her eyes. ‘It was Tim’s favourite.’
‘Tim?’ Nick said as the air in Alison’s chest stopped moving.
‘My son,’ Rose said, and thankfully Nick didn’t push. But his eyes swept past her a couple of times to the endless photos on the mantelpiece and when Alison went to her bedroom to find a missing shoe, it came as no surprise when Rose followed her.
‘What time will you be back from the shops?’
‘Actually…’ Alison swallowed. ‘There’s a party on tonight. Vicky, one of the A and E nurses, is getting engaged.’ She saw her mother’s rapid blink. ‘I told you last week.’ Which she had, and it was true, except Vicky was actually Ellie’s friend and Alison’s was more a casual invitation than an expected guest, and she could have sworn she felt her nose grow a touch as she continued. ‘She’s down the road from Ellie—Ellie said I could stay at hers.’ She gave her mum a hurried kiss on the cheek. ‘I’ll text and let you know what’s happening.’
And then finally, finally, they were in the car and heading off, and following blue lines to a parking spot.
‘You’d rather this than a bike ride in the mountains?’ Alison commented as she grabbed a pencil and tape measure.
‘We can do that another time,’ Nick replied, and Alison walked on in silence. ‘I’ve missed this.’ He nudged her as they walked through. ‘I’m not joking. I want to do something normal.’
He was actually very helpful. The fact he had seen the flat, combined with a male brain, meant he could remember strange details like there was a window where she wanted that large bookshelf, and that there was no way on earth that desk was going to fit where Alison intended.
‘It’s the same the world over.’ Nick grinned as they sat in the canteen with their meatballs and chips and red berry jam amidst frazzled couples, yet maybe because they weren’t a couple and it wasn’t their bed or their sofa they were buying, they could just sit there and enjoy. Nick even bought her a little bottle of wine with a glass that screwed to the bottle.
‘I’m going to keep this.’ Alison was delighted.
‘Emergency supplies for your bedroom!’ Nick said, and went up to get one for himself too. It was just a tiny reference that he’d picked up on the tension at home, though he said nothing else about it.
Not until later, much later when they were sitting on the balcony, having eaten a mountain of prawns. Nick had cooked and Alison had tossed a salad—a ten-minute meal that would stay in her memory for ever. They were looking out at the ocean and the view was somehow nicer than the one from the bus and from the one walking on the beach. The sun was setting behind them, the colours reflecting on the water, and the waves were very active that evening. She had pinched one of his jumpers and it was worrying how nice his company was, how thrilling it felt to just be with him—for normal things to be so invigorating. He made no suggestion that they go out, or head off to Vicky’s party, gave no indication the day had been less exciting than what he was used to.
In fact, for Nick, silence, mutual silence, was lovely.
For months now he’d been a guest—in another country, or at a friend’s, or a hotel or hostel, or a hospital—with strangers who were about to become friends. Yes, it was fun and exhilarating, but it was also exhausting—perpetual new faces at breakfast, having to dress for bed in case you needed to get up in the night to go to the loo. It had been a welcome relief to have, after all this time, a flat to himself and a glimmer of a routine, but he shared that precious space with surprising ease now.
And looking over at Alison, who was staring out to the ocean she loved, there was no need to regale, just a deeper need to know, to go that bit further, to find out a little more, and so he asked her.
‘What happened to Tim?’
She’d sort of known that the question would come all day, and in some way she’d been waiting for it.
‘He was with my dad,’ Alison said. ‘They were fishing.’ He didn’t say anything and she was glad of that. ‘The weather wasn’t that bad, probably a day like this. They got into trouble, ended up too close to the rocks.’
‘When?’
‘Two, nearly three years ago. I’d finished my training—I was doing some shifts in emergency before I headed off overseas.’
‘They weren’t, I mean, you weren’t there when they…?’ She could hear the dread in his voice and immediately she shook her head.
‘No. I wasn’t at work or anything. I was sharing a flat with friends. I got a call from Mum to come straight home and the police were at the house when I got there. It was all over by then.’
‘Doesn’t it kill you,’ Nick said, after a very long silence, ‘working in Emergency? ‘
Again Alison shook her head.
‘I like it. Dad and Tim never even got to Emergency—at least the people who get there have some chance. It’s nice to see that there are some happy endings, despite the most terrible odds.’
‘It’s not just the kids that upset you, is it?’ He remembered that morning how he had learnt something, he just wasn’t sure what.
‘It’s the family.’ Alison nodded. ‘All that’s taken away, and the chaos that they’re thrown into…not just the ones who are killed. Like with David. That interview was so important to him—and it all just fell apart. I know in the greater scheme of things his wife and daughter were far more important, but I can remember when Tim and Dad had their accident—I was supposed to be flying out at the weekend and I knew it didn’t matter, but it did.’ She closed her eyes as she tried to explain it. ‘I felt selfish even thinking about me, but I did and I wanted someone to step in, to cancel the tickets, to deal with the airline, to deal with the details, to help look after Mum.’
‘How’s your mum now?’
Alison shrugged. ‘Stuck in a time warp, really. I moved home when it happened, but…’ She looked over into his kind green eyes and even though she’d sworn not to land it on him, somehow, under his gaze, she could. ‘She’s petrified of anything happening to me. I’m petrified of it too,’ Alison admitted. ‘Not for me, though, but for her. I mean, how would she cope if something happened to me?’
‘You can’t live like that.’
‘I know,’ Alison said. ‘Which is why in a few weeks’ time I’ll have my own place, and won’t have to account for my every move.’ She gave him a smile, tried to move the conversation away, because he didn’t belong in that space. ‘It’s complicated.’ She gave a small shrug. ‘It doesn’t matter.’
Except it did.
It did matter, because when they were lying on his sofa and revisiting that kiss on the beach, only this time without Alison having her top on, when she should be able to close her eyes and just sink into him, she was all too aware that she was five minutes