Quickly, Isla changed the subject, and they found themselves bouncing back and forth memories of university days, avoiding how it had ended.
‘You’re truly remarkable,’ Trevor said eventually. ‘You know, coming back from what you went through.’
After another silence, where she stared at her hands, she said, ‘It was hard for a time … a really long time, in fact.’ She hadn’t spoken about it for so long, and could hear her voice cracking.
‘But you’re OK now?’ He sounded so genuine, his eyes searching her face.
She shrugged. ‘His sister …’
Would it be OK to talk to Trevor about the appeal? Tell him about Darleen Jeffery? Ask him what kind of woman fights their brother’s innocence, when it’s so obvious he’s a monster? There was a huge part of Isla that desperately needed to talk. Say the words she couldn’t say to Jack or her family for fear they would think she was taking a step back. Vocalise the fears that hovered under the surface. The desire to tell someone about the Facebook message she’d received from Darleen Jeffery several months ago was overwhelming. ‘I need to discuss the truth, Isla,’ it had said.
‘His sister fought for an appeal and won,’ she went on, wishing immediately that she’d said nothing.
‘Jesus.’ He looked so concerned, his eyes wide and fully on her. ‘When is it?’
‘The end of September.’ The words caught in her throat.
‘Are you going?’
She shook her head. She’d contacted the Director of Public Prosecutions. Told them she wouldn’t be attending, that she didn’t want to know the outcome. Being in a courtroom with him again would be like resting her head on a block, Carl Jeffery controlling the blade.
‘I can’t face it,’ she said, her voice a whisper.
‘I don’t blame you.’ He shook his head. ‘It’s sickening that he killed three women. Unbelievable.’
She thought of lovely Jack, knowing how hurt he would be if he knew she was keeping the appeal – and the way it was affecting her – from him. He would be hurt if he knew that within a few minutes of meeting her ex, she was confiding in him – letting it all out. But there was something oddly comforting in the detached feeling of talking to an almost-stranger on a train – because that’s what he was now. Someone she probably wouldn’t see again for another eight years.
‘I’ll be in Canada when it takes place. I can forget it’s even happening. And I’ve told them I don’t want to know the outcome.’ She pinged the band on her wrist, before turning and fixing her eyes hard on the window, a surge of tears waiting to fall. She needed to change the subject. ‘So what are you up to now?’
‘I’m a chemist,’ he said, his tone upbeat.
‘Not a forensic scientist, then?’ That had been his dream.
‘Never happened, sadly,’ he said. ‘I’m working on a trial drug at the moment.’
‘Sounds interesting.’ Her eyes were back on him.
He shrugged. ‘Not really. Not as interesting as travel writing.’
She stared, narrowing her eyes. ‘You know I’m a travel writer?’
He smiled. ‘I guessed.’ He nodded at her camera. ‘You wanted to be the next Martha Gellhorn.’
‘You remember that?’
He nodded, entwining his fingers on his lap, eyes darting over her face. ‘You haven’t changed,’ he said again.
She knew she had. Her blonde hair came out of a bottle these days, and there was no doubting she was different on the inside. She looked away again, through the window where fields were blurs of green.
As seconds became minutes he said, ‘Maybe we could catch up some time. Now we’ve found each other again.’
Words bounced around her head, as a prickle of sweat settled on her forehead. She didn’t want to be unkind, but she was with Jack, and even if she wasn’t, there was nothing there – not even a spark.
She turned to see his cheeks glowing red, and an urge to say sorry for hurting him all those years ago rose once more. ‘I’m with someone,’ she said instead.
‘That’s cool. Me too,’ he said, with what seemed like a genuine smile. ‘I meant as friends, that’s all.’ He pulled out his phone, the yellow Nokia he’d had at university. ‘We could exchange numbers.’ His shoulders rose in a shrug, making him look helpless. ‘It would be good to meet up some time.’
***
Triple-glazed windows sealed against the noise of heavy traffic rattling along the road outside, and a whirring fan that was having little effect, meant the apartment felt even hotter than outside. Isla hated that she couldn’t fling open the windows to let the fresh air in. Sometimes she would grab her camera, jump into her car, and head to the nearby fields to snap photographs of the countryside: birds and butterflies, wild flowers, sheep, horses, whatever she could find – pictures she would often put on Facebook or Instagram.
‘Can you open that, please?’ She plonked the chilled bottle of wine she’d picked up from the off-licence in front of Jack on the worktop. ‘I desperately need a shower.’
He looked up from chopping vegetables. ‘Well hello there, Jack, how was your day?’
‘Sorry,’ she said, tickling their cat, Luna, under the chin before stroking her sleek, grey body. ‘I’m so, so hot. Sorry, sorry, sorry.’ She disappeared into the bedroom, stripping off her clothes, and dropping them as she went.
Fifteen minutes later she was back, in shorts and a T-shirt, damp hair scooped into a messy bun. She picked up the glass of wine that Jack had poured. ‘God, that’s better,’ she said, taking a swig. She smiled and touched Jack’s clean-shaven cheek. ‘Well, hello there, Jack, how was your day?’
He laughed and plonked a kiss on her nose. ‘Well, Tuesday’s done. I’ll be glad when I’m over hump Wednesday.’
‘Wednesday’s the new Thursday, and Thursday’s the new Friday.’
‘Must be the weekend then.’ He raised his glass. ‘Cheers.’
She pulled herself onto a stool. ‘I saw an old boyfriend on the train home. Trevor Cooper.’ The guilt of talking about the appeal made her want to tell Jack.
‘The bloke you went out with at uni?’
‘Aha.’
‘Should I be jealous?’ he teased.
‘God no.’ She took another gulp of wine, before adding, ‘He was suggesting I meet with him some time.’
Jack’s eyebrows rose and a playful smile dimpled his cheeks. ‘Do you fancy him?’
She shook her head. ‘Of course not.’
He laughed as he put chicken onto plates. ‘Well, go ahead then; you have my blessing.’
‘I’d go without it, if I wanted to,’ she said, with a laugh. They’d been together two years. He should be able to trust her. ‘To be honest,’ she continued, ‘I’m not sure I want to meet up with him. I’ll think of an excuse if he texts. Maybe come down with something contagious.’
Jack smiled and shoved a plate of delicious-looking food in front of her. She picked up a fork and began tucking in, making appreciative noises. ‘I probably shouldn’t have given him my number.’
‘And you did, because?’
She shrugged, remembering. ‘I suppose I didn’t want to hurt his feelings again.’
There