‘Henry and Delia must have been frantic when they realised you were pregnant,’ Will observed, finding a certain grim humour in the thought. He would have liked to have been a fly on the wall during that conversation—and yet Julia was on good terms with Delia now. That argued some clever diplomacy. Oh, no, it would not do to underestimate his wife. Not just another man’s mistress and a liar, but as intelligent as he had first thought.
‘They were as relieved as you obviously are that my child was stillborn, although at least they managed to conceal it decently.’
‘And what would you have done if the baby had lived?’ How subtly the colour ebbed and flowed under her skin, he thought, studying the curve of cheek that was all he could see of her averted face. She had grown into a kind of understated beauty that he could have sworn she had not possessed before. One tear trembled on the end of her lashes. Very effective, Will told himself, fighting the instinct to pull her into his arms and comfort her. That was what she wanted, hoped—to twist him round her little finger.
‘If he had lived, I would have had to admit the truth. I was prepared for that: I could not have cheated Henry out of his rights.’
‘No? You expect me to believe that you could deny your own child a title and an inheritance? Keep silent and you would have been the mother of the heir. You would have had another twenty-one years as mistress of King’s Acre.’
‘It would not have been right,’ she said doggedly, as though she really believed what she was saying.
‘So you would have bastardised your own son? Forgive me if I do not believe you.’
She swung back, control lost at last, her fury with him plain on her face. ‘You think I could live a falsehood like that?’ Her voice was low and shaking with vehemence. ‘You think I could defraud a decent man of his inheritance and make my own child an innocent party to that for his entire life?’
‘I have no idea what you might do, Julia,’ Will said, as much to see the fire spark in her eyes—flint struck against steel—as to continue the argument. His body was beginning to remind him that he had been celibate for a very long time. Too long.
‘Well, I could not do such a thing. You hardly know me, so you will just have to accept my word.’ She caught her full lower lip between her teeth in a way that had him biting his own lip until the pain reminded his body just who was in charge. When he did not speak she turned and went to the dresser, smoothed her hand over the garments that lay inside the open drawer, then pushed it closed.
‘Do I?’ Will asked her unresponsive back. ‘What if I chose not to accept it? What if I decide that you have lied to me, deceived me from the start in order to foist another man’s bastard on me? What would the law’s opinion of our unconsummated marriage be then, I wonder?’
Julia turned and looked at him steadily as though down the blade of a rapier. ‘You think to cast me off? You may try if you are so unkind—and so uncaring of the world knowing you were incapable of making me your wife. But if you think to do it so you may court your pretty Caroline Fletcher, you will be disappointed. She is betrothed to the Earl of Dunstable who appears to be in complete possession of all his faculties and a great deal of money besides.’
Of course she is. Caroline had thought him dying and could not cope with that. Once she believed him dead she would not have gone into mourning. Curiously, he found he did not care in the slightest. Will shrugged. ‘She is beautiful, richly dowered. It is a miracle she is not already wed. It is nothing to me.’
Julia turned towards the door. The white-muslin wrapper flounced around her feet as she walked, her steps rapid and jerky as though she really wanted to run and was holding herself in check. The sash was belted tight around her natural waistline and showed the curve of hip and buttock, the elegant line of her back.
His mouth dried and he had to moisten his lips before he said, ‘We can hope that the next one is also a boy to put poor Henry out of his misery.’
‘The next one?’ Julia stammered.
She was going to refuse to sleep with him? ‘You want to have it both ways?’ Will demanded. ‘You want me to acknowledge that I was the father of your stillborn child, you want the rights of marriage and yet you would deny them to me?’
‘You would not expose me?’ She had gone bone-white, whiter even than when she had told him about the baby. The possibility of scandal seemed to terrify her.
Will shrugged. ‘No, of course not. I am not attempting to blackmail you. But if you cannot be truly my wife, then we will have to end this marriage somehow for both our sakes. Coming back from the dead rearranges one’s priorities somewhat. You’d be amazed what I find utterly unimportant now. What I do find important, what I have always, is that we have the truth between us. I will not be deceived and lied to, Julia. I grew up in a household of lies and deceptions and I’ll not stand for it now. I cannot live like that and I certainly cannot bring up children in that atmosphere.’
They stared at each other and gradually Julia found she could focus and move from blind panic to actually listening to what they were saying to each other. Will thought she was going to try to keep him from her bed and that was never what she had intended.
Julia swallowed hard. ‘I have no intention of being other than a proper wife to you, if you will have me. I just needed a little time to come to terms with it, that is all. I am sorry if you cannot believe me about the elopement, but it was the truth.’
If only she could understand the roiling mix of emotions inside her. Over all of it was the terror that a public scandal would expose her and that she would be arrested for Jonathan’s murder. Below that, like fish swimming in muddy water, were layers of other feelings. There was fear of the intimacy, of being hurt again, physically and mentally. And there was the attraction she felt for Will, due, she supposed, to him being such an attractive man. But if she became pregnant again, what would happen? Could she carry the child safely? If she lost another... Her mind shied away from the thought because it was simply too painful to think about.
But she had her duty to her husband and she owed Will a great deal. If it had not been for him, goodness knows what would have become of her three years ago. The fear and the pain and the doubt she would somehow have to overcome.
He was studying her with those dangerous amber eyes. ‘It was a shock,’ he said eventually. ‘If it had not been for the baby, would you have told me about your lover?’
‘I do not know,’ Julia confessed. ‘Would you have been able to tell?’
‘Possibly,’ Will said with a wry smile. ‘Probably.’
‘Shall we...I mean, do you want to...?’ How difficult it was! To want something and yet to be so frightened of it.
‘Yes, I want to,’ he said. ‘If you are sure.’
Julia nodded and walked before him, back to her bedchamber. She turned when she reached the bed and watched her husband as he closed the door and came towards her.
Courage. Seduce him. Oh, who do you think you are fooling? You could not seduce anyone to save your life. No, don’t think that...
One glance at those skintight breeches told her that her husband did not need much encouragement. Of course, he had been without a woman for a long time, which would explain it. But she wanted him to want her, not just any woman to slake his desires with.
What would he expect her to do now? Jonathan had simply ripped off his clothes,