Start to self-love and self-praise: tell yourself you’re doing your best. Then nothing is impossible.
Saving things ‘for best’
How many times have we all used the phrase, ‘save it for best’, whether it’s fancy underwear, expensive shoes, a posh dress or the finest champagne flutes? And how do you know when ‘best’ actually is?
I’ve seen so many items in people’s homes, especially designer handbags, shoes, belts and clothes, that don’t get used or worn on a regular basis because they are being ‘saved for best’. And when I ask my clients what that actually means, their answers usually focus on the items’ cost.
When we’re out shopping for ‘best’ items, we get excited about the whole experience: the location, the styling of the store, the service, the wrapping, handing over the money and the luxurious branded bag. These are all part of the company’s plan to make us feel special and to enjoy our new ‘best’ item. However, once we bring it safely home, it all too often gets stored in a bag on a shelf in our wardrobe. Out of sight and out of mind.
Change this next time you treat yourself to something special: gaze at it and smile … you’ve had a wonderful experience and now it’s time to enjoy your purchase and show it off to the world. Every day should be your ‘best’ day, so use the good stuff you’ve worked hard for; have fun and enjoy wearing or using it to the full. As Kate, one of my clients, put it:
Imagine going shopping in the sales at a huge bargain-basement department store. There’s stuff everywhere, but among all the confusion you find some amazing pieces. And you pick up things that would be perfect for your friends, family and charities – it feels so good to give. Afterwards, you go home, and everything is so calm and all the items you found are so beautiful and just right. You relax, but then you realise that you weren’t charged for any of them. Having TGCO has made me take a fresh look at my home and all my treasures. I don’t miss anything I’ve discarded or given away, and I feel so calm and grateful for everything I have. It’s freed my mind to be creative again.
It’s OK to have a wobbly day
None of us is immune to a wobble – even TGCO has the odd moment. Life is full of highs and lows, but a wobbly day doesn’t mean you’re going down again. On the contrary: it’s just a wobbly day and they happen to us all from time to time – you’re not alone. Talking to someone (close friends and family can be very supportive), shedding a few tears or writing down how you feel can all help (as does my favourite – lemon meringue pie!). But try to keep things in perspective and remember what’s important, and things won’t seem so bad.
Don’t wait for a better today, make today better.
TGCO Top Tip
If you can’t allocate time every day to clean and tidy, don’t worry. Find a decluttering solution that works for you and your daily routine. For example, tackle the small, achievable tasks first before moving on to the more difficult or time-consuming ones. Working in this way, you’ll be able to tick more jobs off your to-do list and you’ll feel really good about yourself and the progress you’re making. You’ll be back in control and you’ll love living in your tidy home.
Talk to a Life Coach
A cluttered life often brings lots of debilitating and negative emotions, including stress, guilt, confusion, shame, anger and self-judgement. It’s disheartening if you feel like this every time you open the fridge, a cupboard or a drawer; or even when you look at your computer desktop or email inbox. We all live such busy lives and our mental load is hard enough to carry without these additional problems. In this chapter, I’ve made some of my own suggestions, but if you feel swamped and need help, talking to a life coach and working with them could make all the difference.
As Mary Meadows, an experienced life coach and NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) practitioner, says:
Many of my clients choose to take part in decluttering. Whether they choose to declutter their phones from unused apps or their sock drawer of holey socks, I have yet to coach someone who hasn’t uncluttered part of their life. A recent client shared with me that her sock basket was her nemesis: every morning when she looked inside it and found more pairs of socks needing sorting she thought, I am a bad mother. Every day those words were among the first things that went through her head. Through coaching around this subject, she was able to identify what it was that she needed to do, which patterns of behaviour had to be changed and, ultimately, how to change her perspective on that sock basket. Now she can laugh when it’s mentioned and tells everyone she knows how coaching not only uncluttered her sock basket, but also how she now feels a new sense of confidence, resilience and optimism. It literally changed her life.
Decluttering a small area, whether it’s a cupboard, a drawer or just your handbag, will support your mental health by not only giving you a sense of accomplishment, which is so important, but also creating space inside your head – space to let the good stuff in.
And it really can be a life-changer, as one of my online followers, Jennifer, can testify:
Your Instagram feed has helped me massively, not just to organise my home but also my life. I live with my three children in a two-bedroom flat, which is very hard to keep tidy, but I’ve managed it with your help. It’s so reassuring to know that everything has its place and the children know where to put things. It’s still a work in progress but I’m getting there. Without your tips and ‘before-and-after’ photos I would be living in a very cluttered, messy home.
Remind yourself that it’s OK not to be perfect.
The positive impact of decluttering
Fiona Thomas, mental-health blogger and journalist
In a study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin in 2009,2 women who said their homes felt ‘cluttered’ were found to have higher levels of cortisol (the stress hormone) than those who described their homes as ‘restful’ or ‘restorative’. Although cortisol is required for good health, excessive amounts in the body are associated with mood swings and irritability, which puts some people at a higher risk of suffering from depression and anxiety. They are less able to regulate common behaviours like concentration, decision making, judgement and social interaction, and although the link between depression and elevated stress levels is complicated, there is definitely a benefit in trying to reduce stress in order to improve overall wellbeing.
As a mental-health journalist, I encounter hundreds of people, online and offline, who are struggling to deal with depression and anxiety, and one of the universal problems is an inability to deal with an ever-growing list of things to do. Whether it’s paying an overdue utility bill, mailing a letter or renewing a passport, many seem to find these everyday tasks near impossible. I know this is true because I’ve been there myself. I’ve worn dirty clothes for days because I can’t bear to make a dent in a month’s worth of laundry. I’ve shoved piles of unwanted books, shoes and mismatched bikinis under the bed and shamefully snuck under the duvet at two in the afternoon. I’ve let credit-card debt spiral out of control because I can’t bear to pick up the phone to sort out my finances. It’s a well-known fact that depressed people find it difficult to take care of, well, anything. And it’s taken me years to realise that all of this clutter, mental and physical, can be tackled successfully in small steps.
In fact, taking that first tiny step in the right direction can give you the momentum to take the next one, and then the next, until, eventually, balance is restored and, before you know it, you’ll have conquered a mountain of boring tasks, such as cancelling that out-of-date insurance policy and vacuuming behind the sofa.
The positive