Daniel Rose.
I remember the very first time I saw him. It was just after autumn half-term break in year eleven. Dad was back at work but things were still tight. That year, I had April’s old school cardigan from the year before, but if April knew, she didn’t tell anyone and I’d been able to keep myself under the radar.
But then I’d been late for registration again and Sister Mary Margaret was waiting outside the Science block for me at break time. She gave me a clear polythene bag along with some sharp words and pointed me towards the playing field. If I got back to Sister with a full bag before the end of break, I might have still had time to join Stubbs and Verity for a piece of soggy cheese and tomato pizza in the steamed-up dining hall. If I didn’t manage a full bag of litter within the first few minutes, I’d have to spend the whole of break out there freezing my backside off. I made my way towards the fence where the crisps packets gathered.
That’s when I first saw Daniel. He was leaning on the fence drawing on a sketch pad and as I approached he looked up, ran his hands through his Judd Nelson–style curtains of hair and indicated my litter bag with his pencil. He nodded at me in acknowledgement. He wore a checked flannel shirt over his uniform and I thought he was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
He walked over. “What you in for?” he asked, eyeing me up and down as if to assess my crime.
“Late,” I said.
“Yeah.” He nodded wisely, looking deep in thought, and gave another flick of his curtains.
“What about you?” I asked.
“This,” he said. He pointed to his blazer pocket where he had torn off his school badge and sewn on a Nirvana patch. “They’re so oppressive here. They don’t let us express ourselves, you know? They said I’ve got detention every break until I take it off and wear their school propaganda, but I said this place was an oppressive regime and it was symbolic of that, you know?”
I nodded, even though I didn’t have the foggiest what he was going on about. I studied him and noticed his trousers were ripped – not through wear and tear; I suspected he had done it himself.
“So, do you want to split this lot between us then?” I asked, pointing at the crisps packets. “We’ve still got fifteen minutes of break left. Or are you just going to stand there and doodle?”
He shook his head. He ripped a page out of his sketchbook, screwed it up and threw it among the other litter.
“Didn’t you like that one then?” I asked, picking it up and putting it in my litter bag.
“Art is meaningless,” he said, motioning his head towards his crumpled-up paper. “And it means everything. You know?”
My God, he was amazing. He was different to all the other boys at school, apart from the curtains haircuts – they all had those, of course, but Daniel was different. Daniel looked like a rock star and he had noticed me. I had spent years trying not to be noticed, but here I was enjoying the attention.
“I don’t know really,” I said. “I wasn’t allow to do art because…well, I can’t draw to save my life and there was that time in pottery where I made the My Little Pony penholder that exploded in the kiln, so I don’t think Mrs Kelly likes me much. So I do Office Studies and Information Processing.”
“Yeah?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Yeah. It’s perretttty cool,” I said, trying not to cringe over telling him about the penholder and not sounding like I was cool at all. My social skills were underdeveloped as it was and here I was trying to talk to this rock star of a boy.
“Yeah,” he said, nodding and staring intently. The wind whipped up around us sending the litter up in the air and I instinctively tried to grab them like I was a Crystal Maze contestant. I grabbed a drinks carton and a pickled onion Monster Munch packet and then I stumbled trying to reach for a Wham bar wrapper, which left me nearly upside down.
“Stay there! Stay still,” he shouted.
“What? Right here? Like this?” I was bent over, nearly upside down, unsteady on my feet and talking to him through my legs.
He used his hands to frame me like a film director and then frantically sketched. “Don’t move,” he said, “I’ve nearly got it.”
I could feel blood rushing to my head due to the whole being upside down business. I tried to steady myself by placing my hands on the ground, but the grass was wet and my hands slipped forward, taking the rest of upper body with them. My feet stayed where they were so I landed on my knees.
“Sorry,” I said, wondering what the hell I was playing at. “I slipped.”
He tore the page from the book and handed it to me.
“Erm…thanks?” I said, staring at the page.
“It’s the wrong way up,” he said.
“Oh right.” I turned the page the other way round. “What is it?” I asked squinting.
“It’s how I see you,” he said. And then he left. He was walking off towards the school gates when Sister Mary Margaret went chasing after him.
*
“And what the bloody hell is that supposed to be?” said Verity after break when I passed the drawing to her in double English.
“He said it was how he sees me.” I think Daniel was the first boy ever to notice me.
“He sees you as a weird egg-shaped head, standing underneath a climbing frame?” she asked.
“They’re my legs,” I said, trying to wipe my still-dirty knees with soggy school toilet paper.
“Why are you holding a giant Wham bar?”
I shrugged.
April Webster turned round from the seat in front of us, talking to me for the first time in over a year.
“What are you two looking at?” she sneered and snatched the drawing.
“Daniel drew it,” I said.
“Daniel Rose?” she asked.
“Yes, Daniel Rose.”
Daniel, the only person to notice me.
*
After April had very slowly and carefully enunciated every single syllable in his name, and added in a few extra ones for good measure, she smiled a tight grin. She stared directly at me for longer than was comfortable, and said, “I’ll get you some tickets. We can sell them behind the bar.”
As she flounced off she took another glance back over her shoulder. She walked away towards her friends who were all sniggering and whispering behind their hands and I felt, once again, like I did at school.
The news that Daniel Rose was back in town filled me with a sense of unease. “Well, that sounds about as much fun as sticking hot needles in your eye,” Verity said. “You can count me out, for a start. What a waste of babysitting fees that would be. Talking of which, I’ll have another please, Stubbs. Time is money and all that. You’re not going are you, Cara? Cara?”
“What?” I said, still distracted. “Oh, no.” I shook my head. “Absolutely not. Especially not if he’s going.” I shivered and my face went hot all at the same time.
“Oh come on, you’re not still bothered about what happened all those years ago are you? It’s such a trivial little thing. I don’t know why you’re so fixated on it!” said Verity. She tutted and looked more than a little disappointed in me.
“Hey, I might go, you know,” said