‘I’ve been up to visit your mum every couple of months, you know that.’
‘But you do get dressed apart from that?’ She has to.
‘I never go without undies.’ She drags in a breath and sits up very straight. ‘Your mum and I both have a soft spot for Cath Kidston sleepwear. I expect you’re the same?’
‘You got navy and red stripes from Cath Kidston?’ Loungewear used to be my first choice, but lately pyjamas in the day make me feel too much like an invalid. And I might be confused, but I’m damn sure those stripes aren’t a colourway I ever saw in the Bath shop.
A flash of guilt crosses her face. ‘Actually these are Harry’s.’ Her hands are in the pockets and as she winds the jacket tight around her hips her nose goes up in defiance. ‘They’re warm. He had so many pairs I might as well get my wear out of them.’
‘Great.’ I’m sounding the kind of bright that goes with pretending that her wearing my dead uncle’s pyjamas is entirely expected and everyday normal. Considering it’s off-the-scale bonkers, I have to ask. ‘So, when did you last put your coat on and pop into St Aidan?’
‘It was the first meeting at Trenowden’s Solicitors, to deal with the will.’ She pauses and winds the wedding ring that’s loose on her finger. ‘George from there has been very good. Since then he’s brought things to me.’
‘But that has to be ages ago?’
‘Only a year and a bit.’ Her tone brightens. ‘You know what it’s like. Harry was the extrovert, I’m hardly going to go out on my own when I don’t know anyone.’
This is way worse than any of us thought.
She takes a sip of her tea. ‘Anyway, enough about me. You’re looking well.’
I don’t tell her how often I hear that, or how it makes me feel like a pretender every time. ‘I’ll show you my magic secret.’ I smile and whip out my make-up bag.
She comes in closer. ‘Laura Geller Balance-n-Brighten? How does that help with your brain?’
I can’t help laughing. ‘It’s not for my head, just for my cheeks.’ My make-up bag’s never been so full. When other parts let you down, how you look matters more. That’s another reason I’m welded to my pink and black dogtooth coat and my Audrey Hepburn slim tailored slacks.
‘You mean for contouring? I’ll have to try some of that.’ She gives a knowing nod. ‘I might not have bothered with proper clothes, but however bad I’ve felt, I’ve always put my face on.’
‘You didn’t run out of powder?’
She shakes her head. ‘You must have heard of Amazon Prime? It’s well worth the extra, they deliver all the way to the French windows in the day room.’
‘Is that where we’re going now?’ I dump my tea down the sink, then follow her into a space where the giant poppies and ferns furling between black bars on the wall make it feel like being locked in a cage in a hot-house.
She edges onto a cream linen sofa. ‘You’ll be used to lavish decor like this with your work?’
I didn’t ever work on the designs as such, but we never let our statement prints get out of control like they are here. How can I put it without being downright rude?
‘Our designs are … less in your face.’ Less likely to make you gasp for all the wrong reasons.
‘A crumbly cottage by the sea was Harry’s dream, not mine.’ Her frown drives the last of her lightness away. ‘I’d swap back to my Harpenden Tudor in a heartbeat if only I could.’
That was nineties mock, not fifteenth century Elizabethan, and Dad insisted the half-timbering was plastic. But the staircase scored a ten on the Cinderella scale, so as kids Tash and I were smitten. It also had a garden so large it could easily have swallowed up our entire cul-de-sac.
‘It could be worse.’ Ignoring the paper, the place looks sound enough.
‘Worse how?’ Her voice rises to a shriek. ‘It’s dreary and dirty, it’s practically being blown off the clifftop and the nearest John Lewis is counties away.’
‘I’m here now, I’ve got this.’ All I need to do is to make the place fit to sell. ‘We’ll have you back to happy Harpenden before you can say Henry the Eighth.’ I only hope I’m not talking bollocks. Me coming through on this is vital for both of us, then we can both move on. But the great thing is, it’s not like my real job where everything’s too hard. This is stuff I can do, and it’s going to be great to feel useful. I’m going to love it here, with the beach and the sea, and no one to judge what I can’t do. We’re a perfect match – Aunty Jo needs the help and someone to jolly her along. I need a place to stay, some company while I get better. Back to how I was.
‘It’s very good of you to come.’
She sounds so uncharacteristically grateful there’s a lump in my throat. My mum’s always been the sister with the less shiny life, and we’re used to being the shabby relations who get looked down on, not the ones who come to the rescue. We’ve never had to help fix things before, because Josie and Harry didn’t have disasters like the rest of us. But she can relax now; the cavalry has come to Cornwall. Give me a few months, I’ll make sure she’s okay again – or at least as okay as you can be when you’ve lost your life partner.
‘I’m happy to help.’ Even if I haven’t the first idea how I’m going to cope with the sludge in the fridge or how stubborn and snobby Aunty Thing can be at times, it’s buying me the time I need to get back to how I used to be, and turning her life around too. ‘You know me, I always like a …’ It’s the one word that always escapes me. I’m Zinc Inc Interiors’ some-kind-of manager for the south-east. How the hell do I not know it?
The worry lines in her brow deepen as she considers. ‘A quest?’
‘Quest. That’ll do. You’re my quest.’ I let out a short sigh because, like so many things in my life now, it’s not quite right. And it’s not completely wrong either. But for now it will have to do. ‘Shall we phone for a pizza?’
Day 134: Thursday, 15th March
At Periwinkle Cottage
Epic Achievement: Getting Aunty Josie back out into the world.
There’s always a fragment of every morning, as I gently slide into consciousness, when, for the first intake of breath, everything feels like it used to do. And then there’s this frantic scramble as my head catches up with my body and, seconds afterwards, I readjust and remember again. I’m Edie Browne. I’m thirty-two. And my life’s been turned on its head.
When it came to choosing a bedroom last night I went for the oversized rose and daisy garlands. Waking to giant sprigs was jarring, but the orange birds of paradise next door would have been worse, and it would have been worse again if the sun had been streaming in. As it is, when I realign with reality and look outside today, the sea and the sky are both stony, but it’s definitely light enough to be morning.
I still wear the watch Marcus gave me, not because I understand the pointers any more but because it was super expensive and he always used to notice if I didn’t have it on. But right now I’m wearing it for me, as my reminder. A promise to myself that I will find my way back to who I was, a talisman to help me find my path back to where I should be.
When I get down to the kitchen and peep into the day room Aunty Josie is already up, eyes tightly closed, the tartan of her PJ trousers knotted into some cross-legged position. The funny kind of humming moan I could hear all the way down the stairs and through