Adrian stared at me, his fists clenching and unclenching as if he were fighting a terrible inner battle.
“The truth is...” He stopped, took a deep breath, then said the next part in a rush. “You can’t beat the demons, Ivy, no matter what. You closed their realms off for now, but demons don’t age or die of natural causes, so they’ll just wait until the realm walls eventually weaken and the gateways reopen. When that happens, they’ll go back to enslaving humans and making more minions, so even if you find and wield the spearhead, they still win.”
I stared at him, my jaw feeling like it had dropped into my chest. “You can’t believe that.”
His gaze hardened until his eyes resembled silver-encrusted sapphires. “I lived with demons for over a hundred years. Yeah, some want to kill you because you murdered hundreds of their kind, but most demons aren’t sentimental. Hunting you puts them at risk, since you have a weapon that can kill them. But leaving you alone only costs them their current slaves if you succeed with the spearhead, and none of them think you will.”
He didn’t say it, but I could hear, And neither do I, in the silence that followed. I’d always known that my chances weren’t good, but I hadn’t given up hope that somehow I’d pull off saving those trapped people. Had I only been fooling myself by training to build up my strength? Had it all been a waste of time because I never stood a chance? And was it pointless anyway because, no matter what, the demons would win in the end?
“Thanks for telling me this,” I said in a very calm tone. “Now, I’m going to get dressed and check on Brutus.” I’d been intending to do that anyway, and after these revelations, I needed to be by myself.
Adrian’s hands closed over my shoulders. “Ivy, wait—”
“It’s okay,” I said, shaking him off. “You told me the truth, and I’m glad. I just need a little time to let it sink in. Come on, we’re on a train, so you know I’m not going anywhere. Besides, you’re not the only one who’s allowed to storm off to be brooding and moody.”
He didn’t smile at my halfhearted attempt at humor. “Fine,” he said, moving so he no longer blocked the small door. “Take as long as you need.”
BRUTUS SEEMED TO love being in the luggage car of the train. It had no windows, so he wouldn’t have had to hide from the sun during the day, and he’d perched himself on top of a pile of soft-sided luggage like a king on a throne. Add that to the large cooler full of raw meat that Adrian had left for him, and I could see trains becoming the gargoyle’s preferred mode of travel.
I spent about fifteen minutes with Brutus, petting him and praising him while my mind was a million miles away. Then I left the luggage car, but I didn’t head back to my cabin. I was still too upset. My new, overwhelming sense of futility was now matched by an anger darker than I’d ever felt.
What was the point in my bio mother going through all that pain to give me up, if I wouldn’t be safe like she’d been promised? What was the point in breaking Adrian’s heart by dying trying to wield a weapon that would probably kill me long before I was able to free the trapped humans? Worse, what was the point in anything I’d done? I’d closed the realms, but as I now knew, that only amounted to a “pause” button for the demons in those worlds. As for the ones in this world, thanks to cursed earth, they could wait it out. Then they’d be right back to enslaving and killing humans, and everything I’d done to stop them would be no more than a punch line on my deluded, very short life.
Perhaps worst of all, I was endangering everyone I loved to keep looking for a weapon I might never find. It was one thing when I thought we were searching for the spearhead in a demon-free world. Now I knew that demons could pounce around any corner. How could I do that to my sister and Costa, who’d already suffered too much at demons’ hands? How could I do that to Adrian, who’d nearly died more times than I could count in these quests? I wasn’t risking only my life by searching for the spearhead—I was risking all of theirs, and the deck was more stacked against us than I’d realized.
Besides, if anything happened to Adrian or my sister, it would break me. Then I wouldn’t be able to keep looking for the spearhead anyway. But would I really not stop until one or both of them were dead? How could I do that to people I loved?
I was so engrossed in my thoughts, I didn’t think anything of the young man I passed on my way through the dining car until he touched my hand. Startled, I jerked away, only then registering the familiar faded blue hoodie he wore. He tipped it back, revealing close-cropped black hair, dark brown skin, handsome features and brown eyes. Nothing remarkable, unless you looked into his eyes. Then you’d feel what it was like to have a real-life celestial being see past all your defenses and stare straight into your soul.
“Hi, Zach,” I said, wondering why I was surprised to see him. Didn’t he always show up at pivotal points in my life? If I’d been thinking things through, I would have expected him.
“Ivy,” he greeted me, glancing at the seat across from him. “Won’t you have a seat?”
“Ooh, asking me to do something instead of ordering me,” I remarked, sounding flippant even though I felt anything but. “What’s with the new niceness?”
The faintest twitch touched his mouth, his version of a full-fledged grin. “You must have grown on me,” he said dryly.
I batted my lashes. Being a smartass was better than what I was feeling now. “Stop with the compliments. You’re making me blush.”
There was the look I was used to: half censure, half annoyance. “I am not here for meaningless banter. I’ve come to see if you’ve chosen to abandon your pursuit of the spearhead.”
That was right to the point. Normally, Zach was as cryptic as the day was long. “You’ve been here long enough to read my mind, haven’t you?” Mind reading was one of his talents as an Archon, and he had never shied away from doing it before. “Or did your ‘boss’ tell you that I was reconsidering this quest?”
His shoulder lifted in a half shrug. “Does it matter?”
“Not really,” I said, and sat down. I hadn’t wanted to finalize such a momentous decision right now, but when had life ever waited until I was ready? “Is Adrian right?” I asked, meeting Zach’s piercing gaze. “Will demons just reopen shop again eventually?”
“Of course.” Not only was there no sympathy in his tone, it actually had a faint tinge of amusement. “Did you really believe that you, a human, could defeat all the dark legions of the underworld permanently?”
Put like that, it did sound delusional, but I hadn’t thought I’d be able to kill them all or anything grandiose like that. My big hope had been to save the humans still trapped in the demon realms while also keeping others from ever being enslaved or killed by demons again. That had been worth dying for, but this?
“So what’s the point of me risking everyone’s lives to hunt for a spearhead that—in all likelihood—will kill me, if everything is only going to go back to horrible demonic normal one day anyway?”
Zach leaned forward. Tiny lights seemed to glow in the dark depths of his gaze as he stared at me. “Your best-case scenario was only ever to possibly free the thousands still trapped in the demon realms, if you found the final hallowed weapon. Not to defeat the demons or keep them from ever harming people again. That is a fight for Archons, not humans.”
“Let’s talk about that, too,” I said, gripping the side of the table so hard, my hands hurt. Still, better to feel physical pain than the hurt frothing inside me. “No one thinks I’ll be able to free the humans even if I do find and wield the spearhead. They think