He had cheated death, but for a while it could just have easily gone the other way. Life was that fragile. Not that he had dwelt on the possibility of death for long. What would have been the point? Such things were out of his hands and if he had learnt anything from the experience it was not to waste time worrying about things over which you had no control.
Izzy released the breath she had not been aware of holding. ‘You were awfully young for …’
‘Cancer? Yes, I was twenty-eight.’
God, so young at a time when a man like Roman would think he was invincible. ‘But they must have … I mean, don’t they … freeze your …?’
‘Are my future children in a test tube in some laboratory somewhere?’ His eyes flashed as she blushed and nodded.
‘Yes, but due to a technical glitch they got thawed prematurely.’
Her eyes widened. ‘That’s terrible! You said you were dumped. Is that why …?’
‘The beautiful Lauren gave me back my ring? Actually she kept the ring, but, no, she was fine with the idea of a baby-free life. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of admitting to her that if the cancer returned then there was the possibility that they might have to amputate my leg. Poor Lauren couldn’t stand the idea of being stuck with a cripple.’
Izzy’s contempt for this woman knew no bounds.
‘She sounds like a total and complete idiot!’ she fumed, wondering if underneath the cynical, amused façade he wasn’t still in love with this prize bitch.
Probably—men had no judgement when it came to beautiful women.
She caught him looking at her oddly and added quickly, ‘I’d have thought they’d have had all sorts of backups to prevent that kind of thing from happening?’
‘They do, but they also have human error.’ The sympathy in her wide clear eyes was genuine, as was the dismay when he added, ‘Lily might be my one chance to be a father and I intend to be fully involved in her life.’
Fully involved. The words made her uncomfortable. ‘I get that … I see, but I’m sure you’ll have your own family.’
‘I already have a family.’
‘We’re not …’ Izzy took a deep breath and forced herself to speak more moderately. ‘In what way, fully?’ she asked, struggling not to sound defensive and knowing she hadn’t succeeded.
Roman held her eyes and set out his intentions so that there was no chance of her misunderstanding. ‘In every way …’
He saw her blue eyes flicker and the muscles beneath the pale skin of her throat ripple as she swallowed, probably wondering what he knew about being a father. But what did he know about being a father?
Refusing to acknowledge the rare voice of silent self-doubt, Roman pushed it away.
‘I hope you’ll help me.’ Roman felt he was being pretty fair given the circumstances, but he would learn with or without her help. ‘I’ve already missed out on the first months of her life.’ Roman stifled the resentment that made the muscle in his cheek clench. What was important, he reminded himself, was the future.
‘And for that you blame me.’
‘I’m trying hard not to.’ But her attitude was making it increasingly difficult; she was so spiky and damned confrontational.
Sensitive to the thread of accusation in his voice, Izzy raised her chin. She was perfectly willing to take responsibility for her part. She’d had sex with a stranger and had got pregnant—not something she was proud of—but she hadn’t done so alone.
‘I realise it might be difficult for you to share Lily …’
Her eyes widened and she shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Holding the buggy handle, she used her free hand to lift the collar of her jacket against the chill breeze that was blowing.
‘And why the name Lily?’ Roman asked, looking at the sleeping child.
‘Why. Don’t you like it?’
The suggestion of a smile vanished from his sensual lips as he turned his attention back to Izzy. ‘Do you have to be so defensive? Look, if you want a fight I can do that,’ he said, now visibly exasperated.
‘Of course I don’t.’
‘Actually, I like the name …’ A name he had had no part in choosing. He pushed away the thought and the anger that came with it.
‘Roman, I would have told you about her, but I had no idea how to contact you.’ She gave a laugh to hide her embarrassment and managed to inject a note of rueful amusement into her voice as she added, ‘I didn’t even know your name.’
‘You could have hung around to find out.’
‘When I woke up you were gone.’ Izzy closed her eyes, feeling the familiar sick churning of shame and self-disgust in her stomach as she relived the moment she’d realised that her lover of the previous night had not waited for her to wake up.
That had been the grim reality for her in the early hours of the morning after she had fallen asleep in the arms of her lover, believing this was perhaps the start of a love affair between two people destined to be together.
Even the memory embarrassed her now.
Now she knew it had just been sex. Casual sex.
‘I’d only gone across the road to …’ Izzy shrugged and lowered her gaze, still able to recall the guilt and self-disgust she had felt when she had woken up in that strange room alone. She intended never to forget it.
‘It doesn’t matter now, Roman. It was such a long time ago.’
‘And you have so many meaningless affairs that you might have me mixed up with someone else?’
‘Hardly an affair,’ she countered calmly. ‘More a one-night stand.’
‘I have no taste for semantics.’
‘Well, I like things to be clear … and clearly I’m not your family.’
‘You’re the mother of my child. That makes you my family.’
Izzy’s teeth clenched in frustration as she watched his dark eyes follow a young woman wheeling a pushchair along a path that ran parallel to the lake. She released a hissing sigh and dragged a hand down her cheek, tucking the stray shiny strands of hair behind her ear.
‘You can visit Lily any time you like.’
‘I don’t want to visit Lily.’ His dark eyes held hers as he dropped the bombshell so casually that she barely heard it go off. ‘I want to watch her grow up. I want to help her with her homework. I don’t want to visit her—I want to live with her. Support her …’
‘I support her. I’ve been supporting her for the past fourteen months.’
‘How?’
His scepticism irritated the hell out of her.
‘What do you want—a report? A letter from my bank manager or my CV?’ She gave a snort at his expression.
‘You work? You’re an academic like your mother?’
‘No, I’m not an academic.’
His brow lifted. ‘Have I touched a nerve?’
‘No, you have not touched a nerve!’ she yelled, then, encountering the ironic glitter in his eyes, bit her lip. ‘I did an interior design course at college and got a place with Urquarts.’
‘Impressive. It must have been hard to leave.’
‘How do you know I’ve left?’
‘You