I thought about turning my back on Rose Cottage. I could walk away, go back to London and forget about the whole thing. However, I found myself walking up to it, with Mum hot on my heels.
‘So what do you think?’ she asked, falling into step with me. ‘Are you going to stick around here and give things a go or head back to London?’
I sighed and ran my hand over the gate before pushing it open, ‘I’ve no idea Mum, I’m just trying to take this all in at the moment.’
I walked up the gravel path, loving that the crunch and scrunch beneath my feet drowned out the cacophony of voices in my head, which were all shouting equally bad advice. The air tasted of the sea – fresh and salty – and a light breeze bobbed in and out of the trees and long grass. There was a chill in the air – the last remnant of a classic Luna Bay winter – so I pulled my jacket closer around me and shivered. Weak sunlight fell in dappled shades across the gravel path as it sliced through the leaves on the trees. I unlocked the front door, which creaked when I pushed it open, and stepped inside.
The second I stepped in the hall though the smell of damp hit me right between the eyes. It was certainly different to the aroma of freshly baked bread that had greeted me before. I knew the house had been empty since Nana Lily had gone to live in a nursing home further up the coast. Spotlessly clean furniture had been engulfed by dust and grime and the house’s shiny, welcoming lustre had completely vanished. A sense of panic enveloped me. What was I supposed to do with this? The enormity of the potential task lying in front of me overwhelmed me.
Mum appeared at my side, smiling optimistically. ‘It needs some work, but it could be made really nice. Obviously it’s been a bit neglected for a while, but if you decide to stay, we could start doing it up together.’
I swallowed. I had the chance to live in the house I’d loved so much growing up, basking in all the fantastic memories that had been made here. However, to do that, I’d have to confront everything that made me leave Luna Bay behind. I wasn’t sure I was ready to do that just yet.
‘Yeah that’d be lovely. I just don’t know where to start!’
I couldn’t meet Mum’s gaze. I badly wanted to tell her about losing my job but the words died in my mouth.
‘It could be a nice little project,’ she continued, walking into the living room. ‘You could stay at home until it’s ready to live in, then do the rest up as you go along.’
The urge to tell her everything resurfaced again. I tried my best to tamp it down; no good could come of telling her I’d lied. Following her into the living room I caught sight of the breath-taking views of Luna Bay Beach through the stunning French windows that led out to the garden. I walked over to them and my fingers brushed against the ornate silver handle, making the door open a little. I looked out and allowed myself to drink in my surroundings. The sea gently lapped against the shore and a few families and dog walkers making the most of the fresh but chilly spring day were dotted along the vast cove. The sand stretched out into a thin ribbon as it curled around to the imposing black cliffs. It was only after seeing it again after so long that I realised how much I’d missed it.
This view, this life, it could all be mine again. All I had to do was reach out and grab it.
‘Some view eh?’ Mum echoed my thoughts and came over to stand beside me. ‘This room could be lovely if it was done up right. Just think, you could sit here with a glass of wine at night and look out at the sea –’
But as soon as she said that out loud I snapped. The weight of the decision I had to make, plus the strain of keeping my sacking a secret became too much to bear.
‘Don’t, OK, don’t! I moved away for a reason and you know that. I can’t come back here.’
‘That was a long time ago Lucy, things have moved on a lot since then!’ Mum’s voice was tired and weary. One look at her face and you could see the desperation etched into it.
I sighed and moved a few paces away from her, heading back towards the front door.
‘No they haven’t, not really. I saw Maggie Cunningham at Nana Lily’s wake yesterday and she certainly hasn’t moved on! Not that I can really blame her after what happened.’
I trailed off, stopping short of mentioning the terrible tragedy of eight years ago, the events that tore me away from the corner of the world I loved so much.
‘You need to stop blaming yourself for that!’ Mum said, calmly making me stop. ‘It all happened so long ago now and nobody could have stopped it. What happened to Vicky was tragic, but it was an accident. Nana Lily said she didn’t blame you in her letter and nobody else round here does either. Maggie might still hold a grudge and that’s not entirely surprising because of what happened, but for everyone else in this village time has moved on Lucy. I’d love to have you back here and not have to hop on a train for hours when I fancy seeing you. Just think about it, eh?’
I could see the pleading in her eyes and it broke my heart. She’d just lost her mother and I knew how much it meant to her to have me home – but, I’d gotten used to the idea of being invisible, of losing myself in London’s urban sprawl. When I was there, nobody had to know what I’d done or how it had wrecked people’s lives. Guilt had kept me away from Luna Bay for so long and it was about to force me back to the purgatory of London again. But things were pretty much ruined there now: I’d be going back to no job and probably no flat either.
Yet Fate had thrown me a very intriguing yet impractical option… to return to this beautiful place with its dark secrets and bad memories. I definitely couldn’t stay here. Could I?
I heard a rustling noise coming from the corner of the room. Mum was rummaging through one of Nana Lily’s numerous boxes of things. Although she’d lived in a nursing home for the last portion of her life, most of her possessions had been kept at Rose Cottage.
‘Look at this,’ she said, peering at a slightly crumpled photograph. ‘It says “me and the Broken Hearts Book Club, December ’08.” That woman at the top is Diane from the Moonlight Café and that fella’s Frank who runs the corner shop. God, there’s quite a few familiar faces here!’
I went over and picked up the photo, but when I looked at the group of people in the photo I was hit with an overwhelming sense of grief. They were all smiling but I could tell none of them were truly happy. Their smiles were nothing more than masks used to convince the world they were OK when they weren’t. Some of them were faces I’d grown up with, whilst others weren’t so familiar. I’d gone to Frank’s shop for ten pence mixtures as a kid and Diane’s café had been the scene of many birthday treats. My relationship with her wasn’t the best any more though; she was Mrs Cunningham’s best friend and had taken her side after the accident.
And suddenly I knew, just by looking into their eyes, that I had to check out the Broken Hearts Book Club – even if it was just to see why they meant so much to Nana Lily. Diane probably wouldn’t make me feel very welcome, but I had to satisfy my own curiosity. Although I didn’t want to admit it, a strange