I put my hands on top of hers. ‘It was my fault OK, not yours. You’ve got nothing to blame yourself for. It’s me who should feel guilty and I do. Every single day for the past eight years, I’ve beaten myself up about it. I should never have even brought the vodka that night and I should’ve tried harder to stop her. I-I should’ve got help, but I didn’t honestly think any harm was going to come to Vicky. That was all on me. You did nothing wrong.’
She looked up at me with sad eyes. ‘If I could go back and undo it all, I would. That night should never have happened. And I-I didn’t mean to go weird on you afterwards, you know. It was just such a horrible situation that I shut myself off from everyone. Didn’t know how to deal with it, really.’
I shook my head and smiled, squeezing her hands. It killed me to think Elle had been carrying around so much guilt for so many years, but I also felt a tiny bit relieved to know I hadn’t been alone. There had been someone else in the world who’d felt as awful as I had about what had happened to Vicky.
‘That doesn’t matter now. At the time, I thought you hated me for what I’d done, but you’re right. It was a bloody weird time and neither of us knew how to cope. But we’re back now and we’ve got a second chance at being friends. What do you say?’
Elle’s face lit up with a smile. ‘You’re on, Harper!’
Later that night, I found myself firmly ensconced in The Purple Partridge. Elle had been true to her word and dragged us down there, promising to buy shots and sing on karaoke. George had been all for it, of course.
‘Make it Sex on Fire and you’ve got a deal!’ he’d said with a cheeky wink in her direction.
So there we were, nursing our drinks and waiting for the karaoke to start. Judging by the garish yellow poster we’d seen on the way in, the ‘extravaganza’ would kick off at seven. Elle was busy filling us in on her travels round the world, most recently Australia and New Zealand. George was looking at her like she was reciting the winning lottery numbers.
‘Bondi Beach was amazing, obviously,’ she said, signalling the start of another anecdote. ‘The surfer guys there were out of this world Luce; they were like those hunks on the Australian soaps we used to watch! Look at this.’
She broke conversation to show me an aquamarine bracelet on her tanned wrist. ‘You like it? I made it myself! I’m thinking of starting my own jewellery business in the future. After Bondi, there was the Great Barrier Reef, where I went scuba diving. One day, I was learning to surf from this gorgeous American called Brett and the next, I was snorkelling and seeing all these incredible fish and marine life. Honestly Luce, you should go the first chance you get. I’ve been travelling for pretty much the past eight years; my gap year kind of turned into a gap life. It’s been amazing, but it’s nice to be back in good old Luna Bay too. Though I must admit, it’s strange going from an apartment in Melbourne with views across the entire city to my old bedroom at my mum’s house. I still have posters of Peter Andre on the wall!’
I laughed as more memories began to resurface. Our earlier chat had reminded me of all the good times Elle and I had shared with Vicky. It made a change from the horrid ones that usually filled my head.
‘Remember the three of us singing along to Mysterious Girl and planning our weddings to him? Those were the days.’
Elle paused and I noticed the bright smile on her face shrink almost imperceptibly ‘Seems like a lifetime ago doesn’t it?’ A brief pause, then she shook her head and dazzled us with another of her brilliant smiles. ‘Anyway, enough about the past; what about you? Tell me everything about your kick-ass career and the trail of broken hearts you’ve left all over London. We didn’t get to that earlier, so you’d better have some news for me, Harper!’
‘Well it’s not been quite like that…’ I trailed off for a second. ‘Guy-wise, there’s been no one really special for ages. I’ve had a few short-term things, but they haven’t worked out. I guess I’m just not very good at letting people in. Always assume they’re going to leave at some point! As for my career… The less said about that the better at the moment. Anyway, tell us more about your travels.’
I wanted to switch the focus away from me and shine the spotlight back on Elle. She belonged there, I didn’t.
‘More drinks anyone? We can do more travel stories in a sec!’
Elle got up and practically sprinted over to the bar, her long legs taking huge strides across the worn, tatty carpet. Once she was firmly out of earshot, George leaned in to me.
‘OK, so she’s absolutely amazing. What do I have to do to get her to go out with me? Like seriously, I’d crawl through pig shit for a date with her.’
‘Oh charming!’ I said with a grin. I hit him playfully on the shoulder and he ruffled my hair, something he knew I hated. ‘She always liked bad boys when we were at school, but I don’t know about now. Haven’t seen her in so long, she’s changed loads since then.’
As Elle waited at the bar, she turned round and grinned at me. There was something different about the way she looked at me. The sparkling confidence she had shown all evening had disappeared and I saw a woman who still carried a lot of guilt. Her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes and in a blink of an eye it was gone. Except, it was too late and I had seen it. My oldest friend in the world was still bearing the scars of the past and it was up to me to change that.
Although the pub was pretty quiet, a large queue had formed thanks to a barrel needing to be changed. I went to join Elle, leaving George to choose a karaoke song for us – he’d also made me promise to talk him up to Elle. He’d probably pick some obscure song by a band we’d never heard of, but I’d exact my usual revenge of making him sing Destiny’s Child or Girls Aloud later.
‘God this place hasn’t changed!’ said Elle, looking around the room. She was right: the décor was the same, as was the faint smoky musk and rustic, rural charm. ‘It’s just like I remembered it.’ She craned her neck and a smile formed on her lips as she saw Jake buzzing around behind the bar. ‘Then again, they didn’t have people like him working here back then, did they?’
‘Who, Jake?’ I tried to sound casual, but totally failed on every level. ‘Yeah he’s OK, I suppose.’
She nudged me in that way all old friends do when they know you’re lying and hunkered down to my level, leaning her elbows on the slightly sticky bar.
‘Just OK? Luce, he’s totally your type from what I remember. Unless you’ve suddenly gone off tall, dark and handsome. I tell you who else would’ve liked him: Vicky.’
My heart froze when her name hit the air, piercing the convivial atmosphere and destroying the uneasy peace I’d felt in Luna Bay over the past few days.
‘Yeah,’ I said with a sharp exhale, ‘she’d have gone mad for him.’
‘She’d have been making wedding plans by now.’ Elle shifted uncomfortably and pursed her lips. ‘It still feels weird talking about her, doesn’t it?’
‘I saw Maggie the other day; she didn’t exactly roll out the welcome wagon when she saw me.’ I laughed emptily: that was the understatement of the year. ‘Have you seen her since you got back, Elle?’
The memory of her gaze casually sliding away from me, as though I was nothing, replayed in my head again. Even as a collection of thoughts, it was deeply unsettling.
She shook her head, sending her blonde waves cascading around her shoulders. ‘I haven’t seen her since the… Well since the thing happened. Listen, could you keep my place in the queue? I’ll be back in a minute.’
She strode off in the direction of the toilets and I was left alone at the bar. My eyes fell to Jake, who was