That, of course, was the whole point.
What made it worse was that she’d been expressly forbidden to interact with anyone or set foot outside unless absolutely unavoidable, and never without asking Geoffrey for permission first. So far, he hadn’t considered a single one of her reasons to be absolutely unavoidable. Hence the sneaking around on those occasions when staying in the house would have driven her unavoidably insane.
As disconcerting as it was to be stuck here with Marcus until tomorrow—at least—a part of her thrilled at the prospect. She’d never felt as free or unencumbered—or uninhibited—as she did with him. She scarcely recognized herself this morning. Never in her life had she behaved with a man the way she had behaved with him. Not only the part about having sex with someone she’d just met, but also the sheer volume of sex they’d had. And the earthiness of it. The carnality of it. She’d never done things with other men that she’d done with Marcus last night. But with him, she’d felt no reticence or self-consciousness at all. Probably because he hadn’t had any himself. On the contrary—he’d been demanding and exacting when it came to what he wanted. But he’d been every bit as generous when giving himself to her.
Something warm and fizzy bubbled inside, an unfamiliar percolation of both desire and contentment, of want and satisfaction. She’d felt it on and off throughout the night, usually between bouts of lovemaking when their bodies had been damp and entwined. But Marcus was on the other side of the room now, and their exchange in the stairwell had been a less than satisfying one. Even so, she could still feel this way, simply by being in the same room with him, knowing he wasn’t leaving her. Not yet.
So really, why was she so eager to leave?
Maybe, she answered herself, it was because a part of her still knew this couldn’t last forever and saw no point in prolonging it. The longer it went on, the harder it would be when it came time for the two of them to part. And they would have to part. Soon. The fantasy she and Marcus had carved out last night should have been over already. They should have separated before dawn, before the harsh light of day cast shadows over what they had created together.
They both had obligations that didn’t involve the other—Della to Geoffrey and Marcus to the faceless woman for whom he obviously still had deep feelings. Even if he was no longer “with” her, as he claimed, it was clear he still cared very much for her. Too much for the possibility of including someone new in his life. Even if Della was in a position to become that someone new, which she definitely was not. Not here. Not now. Not ever.
How much had he heard of her conversation with Geoffrey? she wondered as she turned from the window and saw Marcus pouring himself another cup of coffee. She tried to remember if she’d said anything that might have offered a hint of what her life had become, but she was confident he would never suspect the truth. Because the truth was like something straight out of fiction.
He glanced up suddenly, and when he saw her looking at him, lifted the coffee carafe and asked, “Would you like some?”
It was a mundane question from a man who looked as if this was just another typical morning in his life. But Della could practically feel a vibe emanating from him that reached all the way across the room, and it was neither mundane nor typical. It was cool and distant, and it was, she was certain, a remnant of their exchange in the stairwell.
Was this how it would be for the rest of their time together? Strained and difficult? Please, no, she immediately answered herself. Somehow, they had to recapture their earlier magic. If only for a little while.
“Yes,” she said, even though her stomach was roiling too much for her to consume anything. She only wanted some kind of conversation with him that wasn’t anxious.
“Please.”
She strode to the breakfast cart, standing as close to Marcus as she dared, watching him pour. He had magnificent hands, strong with sturdy fingers and no adornments. Looking at his hands, she would never have guessed he worked for a brokerage house. He had the hands of someone who used them for something other than pushing the keys of a computer or cell phone all day.
“Do you play any sports?” she asked impulsively.
His expression was surprised as he handed her her coffee. “I thought you didn’t want to know anything about me.”
Oh, yeah. She didn’t. She already knew more than she wanted to. So maybe it wouldn’t hurt to know a little bit more. Ignoring the convoluted logic in that, she said, “I changed my mind.”
He handed her her coffee with a resigned sigh. “Squash,” he told her. “Three times a week. With another one of the—” He halted, as if he’d been about to reveal something else about himself, but this time it was something he didn’t want her to know. “With a coworker,” he finally finished. He sipped his coffee, then met her gaze levelly. “Why do you ask?”
“Your hands,” she said before she could stop herself. “You have good hands, Marcus. They’re not the hands of an office worker.”
His eyes seemed to go a little darker at that, and she remembered that there were other ways his hands were good, too. Lots and lots of other ways. She spun around, striding away on slightly shaky legs. But when she realized she was walking straight toward the bed, she quickly sidetracked toward two chairs arranged on each side of a table near the window.
“It’s still snowing,” she said as she sat. “Maybe even harder than before.”
Marcus strode to the window, lifted one curtain for a scant moment, then let it drop. “I guess we could turn on the TV to see what the weather guys are saying about how much longer this will last.”
“I suppose we could.”
But neither of them did. They only looked at each other expectantly, almost as if they were daring the other to do it. Della knew why she didn’t. She wondered if Marcus’s reason mirrored her own.
Finally, he folded himself into the other chair, setting his cup on the table beside hers. He crossed his legs with deceptive casualness, propped an elbow on the chair arm to rest his chin in his hand and, looking her right in the eye, asked, “Who’s Geoffrey?”
Della felt as if someone punched her right in the stomach. Obviously he’d heard more of the phone conversation than he’d let on. She wondered how much. She wondered even harder about how she was supposed to explain her relationship with Geoffrey to Marcus. It wasn’t as though she could be vague about something like that.
She reminded herself she didn’t have to tell Marcus anything. Not the truth, not a fabrication, nothing. She could say it was none of his business, repeat their agreement not to disclose any personal details about each other—which he’d already breached a number of times, one of which had been at her own encouragement—and change the subject.
But she was surprised to discover there was a part of herself that wanted to tell him about Geoffrey. And not just Geoffrey, but about everything that had led to her meeting him. She wanted to tell Marcus everything about the mess that had started on New Year’s Day to herald the beginning of the worst year of her life, about the months of fear and uncertainty that had followed, right up until her encounter with him at Palumbo’s. She wanted to tell him about how she hadn’t felt safe or contented for eleven months. About how lonely she’d been. About how hopeless and scared she’d felt.
At least until her encounter with him at Palumbo’s. It was only now that Della realized she hadn’t experienced any of those feelings since meeting Marcus. For the first time in eleven months—maybe for the first time in her life—she’d been free of anxiety and pleasantly at ease. She’d spent the past twelve hours ensconced in a perfect bubble of completeness, where nothing intruded that could cause her harm or pain. All because of a man whose last name she didn’t even know.
But she couldn’t tell him any of that, either.
She