He was silent for a while, the silence winding itself around the line of tension that already stretched between them and pulling it tight. Finally, he spoke. “Do you want me? Do you want more than what happened last night?”
“I don’t see what that has to do with anything.” Being curt was her last line of defense. And even it was hanging on by a thread.
“It doesn’t matter if it’s relevant or not, this is what I’m asking you right now. I told you, one question. And then we can get back to being relevant.”
She took in a deep breath, deciding yet again that she was going to pursue honesty. Because after what had transpired between them the night before it would be foolish of her to try and deny that there was something between them. Ignoring it wasn’t working anyway. “Obviously, I am attracted to you. It would be disingenuous of me to say otherwise. As to the question of whether or not I want you, that’s a different story.”
“Is it? Do you think wanting me and wanting to want me are the same?”
She felt some of the defenses around her crumble. “Aren’t they?”
He looked at her, his dark eyes boring into hers. She could feel frustration coming off him in waves. “No, Victoria, they are not the same thing. I could go out onto the street, snap my fingers and have any woman I wanted—do you realize that? I can go right outside this hotel this very moment and find a woman and be back in my room having sex with her in less than an hour. I have that choice.” His voice vibrated with intensity, an intensity that echoed through her. “But...I don’t want to make it. Because I want you.” The words hit her hard, unexpected and, much more unexpected than the words themselves, welcome.
He wanted her.
He wanted her.
Not because of what she could offer him, but because he was attracted to her. He already had use of her, without seduction. This had to do with lust. Simple lust. And it meant more to her than she’d ever imagined something like that might.
He continued. “Do you suppose I find that terribly convenient? Do you suppose I want that? No, I would much rather have the easy way. What man wouldn’t? But with us, it will never be simple.”
Victoria’s throat constricted, her chest tightening. “Why bother with something that isn’t easy?” she asked. “I mean...isn’t life hard enough?”
“True,” he said, his voice rough. “But easy is never fun. Not for people like us.”
The truth that resonated, in his words and through her, was unwelcome. “I would take some easy,” she contradicted.
He met her gaze. “No. You don’t want easy. You’re like me. You want a fight. You want this fight, too, don’t you?”
“Fine,” she said, barely able to force the words out. “Fine, I want you. But I don’t want to want you.” She finished the rest of it in a rush, not quite able to believe she’d said it out loud.
She felt as though she had stuck her head into a bonfire. She’d done this once before. And she’d been rejected horribly, seen her entire life turned upside down because she’d chased after desire. She had laid herself bare and been turned away, and even saying those words to Dmitri now took her right back to that place. To feeling as though she’d taken her clothes off for him to either accept or reject. Just as she’d done back then. But this was more somehow, bigger, even without all of the feelings that had accompanied her attempted seduction of Nathan.
Because it had been one thing to offer herself to a man when she’d been a sixteen-year-old girl who had wanted something nebulous and romantic. Who had wrapped everything in the soft haze of love and fine feelings.
It was quite another thing to say it to a man like Dmitri. When what she wanted had nothing to do with romance or love. When it had everything to do with desire. When she was a woman and old enough to understand exactly what that meant. To know that the ache between her thighs was because she was desperate to be filled by him, that she wanted him inside of her, skin to skin, clinging to each other as they both chased their climax.
She felt dizzy, her vision getting fuzzy around the edges, the world tilting on its axis.
“I will not seduce you,” he said, his voice rough, “you have my word.”
She laughed shakily. “As if you could seduce me.”
“I already have, Victoria. I think I proved that last night. I said I enjoyed having you mindless, and I did. But the truth is I do not want you mindless when I finally take you to bed. I want you to know exactly what you’re getting into. I want you to know exactly what you are agreeing to when you say yes, Dmitri, yes. So I will not seduce you. You will choose it. You will beg me,” he said, his tone rough, harsh, his dark eyes blazing.
This was not the laid-back playboy she’d met, casually sparring with a man in the gym. This was the warrior. And for the first time she truly appreciated what he was.
And it only enticed her further.
“I would not...” She tried to force words through her dry throat. “I will not...”
“If you will not, then we will not. I will not push it.” He unbound the leather cuff that was tied around his wrist. She had noticed it on their first meeting and a couple of times since. It had stood out because he was a man who didn’t seem to care about his appearance one way or another, which meant it wasn’t just a simple accessory. He took it in his hands, then held it out toward her. “Take this.”
She closed the distance between them and took it, running her fingers over the leather, still warm from the contact with his skin.
Everything about him made her warm.
“What is this?” she asked.
“This is something that I always wore when I fought. It’s kind of a good luck charm. It has no real sentimental significance. I wore it in fights.” His tone was detached, as though he was speaking well-rehearsed lines that were meant for someone else. “I don’t fight anymore. I only wear it out of habit. It’s yours now.”
There was something more. Something he wasn’t telling her. And yet she felt she had no right to question him. Because she shouldn’t care.
But she found she did.
“Why?” she asked. “Why are you giving this to me? To make me feel indebted to you? If so, I must tell you it will take more than a leather bracelet to accomplish that.”
“That isn’t the idea. I feel in debt to you. You gave something to me last night.”
Her heart pounded wildly, and she wondered for a moment if he had guessed. If he had known that he was the first man to ever give her an orgasm. If he had figured out that she was a virgin. That would be a humiliation too many.
“What is it I gave you?” she asked.
“Your release, princess. I consider that a gift.” He reached out and touched the end of the cuff, avoiding her skin. “I’m giving this to you with no expectation. It makes us even. However—” his eyes met hers, and a sharp shock of pleasure hit her low and square in the stomach “—if you would like to be with me all you have to do is return this.” He lowered his hand and took a step back.
She swallowed hard, drawing her hands to her chest, holding the cuff tight. “Why?”
“Nathan seduced you. You were young, and he took advantage of that. If you and I are together I want to know it’s your choice. I want to know for sure that it’s because you want to be with me. That you have made a decision to be with me. This will prove it.”
She curled her fingers around the strap. “Well, you won’t be getting it back, so I really hope you weren’t lying about it having no sentimental value attached to it.”