I was sitting on her bed, watching her get ready for dinner with one of the partners from a multi-billion-dollar tax firm. Listening to her hand out advice on what I should do to handle Xander and the internship problem.
It wasn’t something I wanted to discuss with her, but she’d asked how the meeting had gone and so I’d given her the unadulterated truth. Which naturally she put her own spin on.
That was my mother’s answer to everything. Sleep with the dude and he’ll shower you with gifts. It had worked so well for her, after all.
At least up until the day her sure thing had gone to prison.
‘I’d rather sleep with Satan than Xander King,’ I said, my fingers picking at the flocked fabric of the cheap quilt.
Mum gave me an irritated look in the mirror. ‘Well, I can’t sleep with him. That would be a step too far, even for me.’
I gave an inward shudder at the thought. ‘God, Mum, I’m not asking you to.’
‘But you said you wanted that internship.’
‘Yes, I do. But sex isn’t the only way to get it.’
She frowned at her reflection as she put the finishing touches to her lipstick. ‘I don’t know why you persist in doing everything the hard way, Poppy. You’ve got the looks. Why not use that to—?’
‘No,’ I interrupted, not wanting to have this argument again. ‘I’m not doing that and that’s final.’
Conversations with my mother always ended up with her telling me I was beautiful and that she didn’t know why I didn’t use it to my advantage more often.
She didn’t mean it as a compliment. Her own looks had got her everything she’d ever wanted in life and she didn’t understand why I insisted on doing things like study and actual work. Even when I’d waved my architecture degree in her face she’d simply given me a puzzled look and asked why I was bothering with university. Money could be got easily enough if you put on a short skirt and batted your eyelashes at the right guy. Why was I working so hard at something I didn’t need?
I knew I shouldn’t blame Mum for the way she was. After my father died, leaving us with nothing, she’d had to do something to keep us afloat and she had no schooling to speak of. So she’d got back into the stripping she’d used to do after she’d left school and before Dad had come along, and there she’d met Augustus King—crime boss extraordinaire.
He’d promised her security and she’d grabbed it with both hands, not caring that he was the dodgiest of dodgy criminals, throwing herself into the lavish lifestyle that came with him. Then it had all ended when he’d gone to prison, leaving her with nothing but debts.
In her mind she had no choice about how she was going to pay them off—she needed to find another man to help her. Even though she was already married. But then vows didn’t matter to my mother, only survival did.
‘If it’s pride getting in your way then you might want to rethink that.’ She straightened and dropped the lipstick back in her handbag. ‘You can’t afford it. Because even if you were to get this internship, how are you going to get to London? I certainly don’t have the money for you to get there, let alone live there.’
There was that. Details I thought I’d handle if and when I ever got the internship. But I was going to have to think about them, wasn’t I? Because I had no money and since getting fired with no references from my last job I had no expectations of getting another any time soon.
Xander did say he’d pay you well...
I gritted my teeth, trying not to remember what had happened in his boardroom. How he’d slowly paced towards me, long and lean and fluid as a panther, dark eyes full of fury. And how I’d been unable to stop myself from retreating, something inside me wanting to give way before him.
Then I’d found the door against my back and him right in front of me, his tall, broad figure blocking everything out, the blackness of his gaze mesmerising. He’d been all darkness and heat, the force of his fury like a storm front, and I’d become breathless with a strange combination of fear and excitement, tinged with an odd satisfaction.
That somehow I’d got a rise out of him. That I’d made him lose his precious temper. That underneath his cold, uptight front was something else. A black fire that burned very, very hot.
Seeing that and feeling my own response to it was bad enough.
Him nearly recognising my excitement had been worse.
I shouldn’t have pushed him. Shouldn’t have touched him at all, but it was either that or have him discover what a turn-on I found his fury, and there was no way on earth I was going to let him know that.
I’d got angry at him, using my rage to cover the fact that my heart was racing and I felt hot—that there was an ache between my thighs that wouldn’t go away.
‘You should just fuck and get it out of your system,’ Ajax had said and I hadn’t been able to get that thought out of my head.
What would have happened if Ajax hadn’t come in?
I’d been so mad at Xander I’d seriously considered punching his stupid beautiful face, and what would have happened if I had? He wouldn’t have let me hit him, no way. He might have grabbed me, put my hands behind my back. And then maybe he would have forced me to kneel before him and—
‘If you think I’m going to ask Richard to pay for a trip to Europe for you, you’ve got another think coming,’ Mum said. ‘I’ve got too many other debts that need to be paid first.’
My face felt hot. Shit, I needed to stop thinking about...that. About him. Now.
‘I wasn’t expecting you to,’ I muttered, trying to force my attention back to what she was saying.
‘Well, you need to do something to help out, Poppy. I can’t do this all on my own, not again. What about that waitressing job?’
My gut clenched. I didn’t have the energy to tell her I’d been fired because I wouldn’t let the boss cop a feel. I knew what she’d say already. She’d get that angry, disappointed look and then tell me that I should have sucked it up and taken the money. Because we needed it and how could I put personal feelings of discomfort ahead of our survival?
The problem was, she wasn’t wrong.
My stepdad had given Mum an allowance before he’d gone to prison and it had been a generous one. Xander had continued the allowance after Augustus went to jail and it was enough to live comfortably on. But it wasn’t enough for Mum. She always spent the entire thing on stuff she didn’t need and then complained when we didn’t have enough money for rent, hence her having to find a new sugar daddy and me having to keep working to cover our costs.
I should have told her to stop spending or just let her get herself out of the hole she’d dug. But I couldn’t. She’d never wanted children and when I came along—her little accident—she hadn’t been glad. She’d been pissed off. Then she’d sucked it up and cared for me, and now it was my turn to care for her.
It wasn’t her fault Dad had died. It was mine.
‘It’s fine,’ I lied about the job.
‘Good. Because we’ve got another bank payment due and I don’t have the cash myself. I might see if I can get anything out of Richard, but don’t count on it.’
Crap. So she’d burned through her allowance for this month. Again.
You know what the answer is.
Double crap.
There were too many reasons why working for stupid