‘Why would you stay?’ Grace whispered, fighting her desire for his presence, fighting her longing for him to come close again, fighting all those softer feelings with the sure knowledge at that moment that she was doing what had to be done. She was facing up to reality, struggling to move forward and step away from the lure of a future that could no longer be hers. How could she feel any other way when that future had been so inextricably linked to their baby?
‘You’re my wife, hara mou. I belong by your side,’ Leo countered with fierce conviction. ‘You’re upset, we’re both upset but together we’re stronger.’
‘Maybe that would’ve been true had we been in love...but obviously we’re not.’ Grace closed her restive fingers into a tight ball of self-restraint, her deep sense of hurt tamped down. ‘Us...as a couple, that’s over. Of course it is. How could it be anything else after what’s just happened?’ she asked shakily, anger at the tumultuous emotions she was crushing arrowing through her trembling frame because with every word she spoke she was going against her own heart.
But how could she do anything else? she asked herself in despair. They had come together for the baby’s sake and without the baby there was nothing to keep them together. She had to face that, deal with it, live with it whether she liked it or not. She loved him but he did not love her. She was too proud and too fair-minded to cling to him and make him feel that he somehow owed it to her to stay with her.
Leo welded long tanned fingers to the rail at the foot of her bed, every muscle in his lean, powerful body pulling dangerously tight. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ he said in a harsh undertone.
‘I’m just saying what needs to be said. You’re free, Leo.’
Leo lost colour, the exotic slant of his cheekbones pronounced. There was a lurch in the region of his gut as though he had been punched. He didn’t want to be free. Naturally he had got used to being married and he was content to stay married and eventually try for another baby. Grace suited him. He didn’t know how she did it or why she was so important to him but she matched him in all the ways that mattered. Indeed he had become so accustomed to Grace being around that he could not imagine his life without her. Obviously he was more of a creature of habit and routine than he had ever appreciated because within a short time Grace had become astonishingly necessary to his comfort.
‘And what if I don’t want to be free?’ he grated, soft and low.
‘If that’s what you think you feel right now you’re lying to yourself,’ Grace told him with astonishing conviction. ‘And why are you lying to yourself? Because you feel sorry for me and you think it’s your job to look after me. You have a very strong sense of responsibility and that’s a noble trait but don’t let it blind you to what you really want out of life. And what you really want, Leo, is not me.’
Leo wondered why she was telling him how he felt. Did she really think he was so inadequate that he couldn’t work out his own feelings for himself? Annoyance slashed through him and he wanted to express it but he was horrendously aware of the experience she had undergone and that it was his duty not to make the situation worse.
‘Our marriage was all about the baby and everything you have ever shared with me related to the baby and the baby’s future needs. Without our baby...’ Grace framed unsteadily, tears glinting in her over-bright eyes ‘...we don’t have a marriage. We don’t even have a relationship. We can get a divorce now.’
‘Are you insane?’ Leo heard himself snap back at her, all self-discipline vanquished by her use of that bombshell word. Divorce? How was he supposed to listen to that in polite and understanding silence?
‘I’m looking at a guy who doesn’t even wear a wedding ring!’ Grace shot at him equally out of the blue and Leo looked down at his bare hand in bewilderment, wondering what wedding rings had to do with anything and whether simply leaving the room would be wiser than remaining.
‘You never bothered to ask but I would’ve liked to get married in a church. But then you never really wanted to be properly married to me, so obviously you didn’t bother to ask my preferences. You didn’t choose me,’ Grace condemned heatedly. ‘You married me because I was pregnant, so why would we stay together now?’ she demanded emotively.
Leo lifted stunned dark golden eyes from the offending hand that lacked a wedding ring and thought how sneaky women could be. She had never mentioned his omission or the church thing. She had never by so much as a hint let him know how she felt about him not wearing a wedding ring and now he was being hung out to dry for a sin he hadn’t known he had committed. How fair was that?
‘I can buy a wedding ring,’ Leo pointed out gruffly.
‘That’s not the point!’ Grace exclaimed in seething frustration because he was not giving her the reaction she had expected: he was not looking guiltily relieved.
‘Then why did you mention it? And could we have this conversation at some other time when you’re not emotionally overwrought and we’re both feeling calmer?’ Leo pressed grittily. ‘Because right now is not working for me.’
Grace lifted her chin. ‘I thought it was better to say it and get it out in the open. I don’t want you faking what you don’t feel. You felt things for the baby, not for me.’
‘That is untrue,’ Leo grated, losing patience. ‘You’re my wife and I made a serious commitment to you.’
‘But I don’t want your cold sense of commitment...I want love!’ Grace flung back at him helplessly.
‘I warned you that I couldn’t put that on the table,’ Leo breathed harshly.
‘Oh, you could if you wanted to,’ Grace fielded with unmistakeable bitterness. ‘But you don’t want to. And do you know why? It’s not because you had an unhappy childhood, it’s because you’re an emotional coward.’
His nostrils flared, his eyes kindling like flames. ‘Let’s not descend to that level.’
‘But it’s true. You don’t get involved because you’re scared of getting hurt. Nobody wants to get hurt, Leo, but most of us still try to make a relationship that goes further than practicality and convenient sex. You’re too busy protecting yourself to even give it a go.’ Exhausted by telling him what was wrong with their marriage, Grace fell back against the pillows, drained by emotion. ‘Go back to the castle.’
‘To start planning our divorce?’ Leo challenged darkly.
‘It’s inevitable now,’ she whispered numbly, her heart heavy as lead inside her tight chest. ‘There’s nothing left to keep us together.’
‘If you really want me to leave, I’ll leave and come back first thing in the morning,’ he bit out grimly, his darkly handsome features bleak with constraint.
‘There’s no point you coming back for the second scan.’ Grace knew she would cry then because, no matter how hard she was striving to be realistic, a little spark of hope still flourished inside her. She would be shattered when she received the confirmation that, yes, she had miscarried and lost their baby and she didn’t want Leo to witness that emotional breakdown and start feeling sorry for her again. ‘I could handle that better alone. I’ll be able to leave the hospital straight after it.’
‘To do what? Fly back to London?’ Leo demanded bitterly. ‘You’re in no fit state for that. At the very least you need to spend a couple of weeks recuperating. If it makes you happier, I’ll leave and you can have the castle all to yourself. At this moment I feel that getting fully back to work would be a welcome distraction.’
‘I didn’t want it to be like this, Leo,’ Grace muttered wretchedly. ‘I know you’re upset as well.’
‘I’m