“I… I need to be alone,” she whispered, still not looking his way.
Noah raked a hand through his hair. “For all your talk about wanting to heal people, did you ever stop to think you need to heal yourself first?”
She flinched at his words, but remained silent.
“I’ll be at home if you need anything.”
Not that she’d call. If she even spoke to him on their next shift it would be shocking. Well, spoke to him on a personal level. Because there was no way they could avoid each other forever. Communication was key to their working relationship.
And he’d just learned the hard way that they also had a personal relationship, whether either of them wanted to admit it or not. Because even though they hadn’t taken things to the next level, they’d crossed an invisible line that neither of them could come back from.
Suddenly he found himself in a role reversal with the captivating Lucy Brooks. After all his mental battles with himself over keeping his pain inside, he knew he’d have to be the one to get Lucy to open up and heal because she was more broken than she’d let on…and perhaps more than she even knew.
“I figured you’d want to know.”
Even as his captain spoke on the phone, Noah paid him no mind. He was too busy watching Emma play on the floor with her cowgirl doll and horse. She crawled all around the area rug chattering and pretending, looking happy and at ease. He marveled at how quickly she’d adapted to this home, this new life. Now if he could just take a page out of her book and do the same.
He could start by unloading some of those boxes stacked in his bedroom. He’d tried to make the rest of the house cozy and livable for Emma, but he hadn’t brought himself to unpack the personal items they’d brought from Texas.
After the storm had torn through the town, he’d attempted to stay. He’d remained with the force and tried to rent a house and start over. But he couldn’t. The few things they’d accumulated between the storm and now were still in boxes. They were just things, he told himself. His entire life had taken on a whole new perspective since that fateful day. So why hadn’t he unpacked them?
When he heard the voice in his ear bark out his name, he focused his attention back on the call from his captain. “Why would I want to know this?”
Cameron laughed into the line. “I just had a hunch you’d want to know we picked up the driver who hit Lucy.”
Damn it. Was he that transparent? Was something that he’d barely admitted to himself obvious to everyone else?
“Well, I’m glad he was caught,” Noah stated. “Thanks for letting me know.”
“I just spoke to Lucy, as well,” Cameron went on to say. “She’s taking the night off.”
He’d been at her house earlier that day. The memories kept rolling through his mind and he’d barely slept since coming home. What little sleep he’d had had been filled with dreams of what would’ve happened had she not put the brakes on.
He’d woken restless, achy, needy, and cursing himself for letting things get out of hand.
Then he’d cursed himself for how far he’d let his feelings go. On one hand, he knew he couldn’t grieve forever, but on the other, he felt like he was cheating on his wife.
And he honestly wasn’t sure if he wouldn’t have put the brakes on himself. Clearly he and Lucy weren’t in a place to try to physically console each other—another reason he should seriously keep his distance. Which was easier said than done, he admitted.
“Is she okay?” Noah asked.
“Still sore and her hip is bothering her,” Cameron told him. “Lucy is a hell of a worker and I’m going to hate losing her when she finishes her degree. But there are times I wish she had someone to check up on her.”
“Are you meddling, sir?”
Again, Cameron’s laugh filled the line. “Not at all. Just stating my opinion. Have a good day off, Spencer.”
Noah disconnected the call and laid his cell on the table by the sofa. Like hell his boss wasn’t meddling. But Noah knew he meant well. Happily married people always wanted to see single people happily married, too.
“Daddy, when will we have real horses again?” Emma asked, never taking her eyes off her toys. “I miss riding.”
“Me, too, baby girl.”
He may have been a police officer since he graduated college and the academy at the age of twenty-three, but ranching had always been his life. Their Texas ranch had been Noah’s grandfather’s, then his father had expanded it with more livestock and an extra barn, and once Noah had taken over, he’d grown the livestock even more.
Now he was starting from scratch. He couldn’t help but wonder if this was how his grandfather had felt when he’d wanted to have his own spread and had gotten started.
This house they were renting was definitely going to be temporary because Noah needed space. He needed land.
The land Lucy had was exactly the type of space he was looking for. Something not too large so he could get started little by little.
As Noah stared down at Emma, he vowed their first purchase after the new house would be a horse. But that would take time and more funds than he had right now. He was keeping his eyes open for land to build or a house with acreage, but he wasn’t going to rush. As much as he wanted all those things again, he knew it would take patience.
One day at a time. That had been his life motto since losing his world.
“I just want to ride,” Emma stated again. “What if I forget how to do it?”
Noah sank into the floor beside her, smoothing a wayward strand of hair back from her face. “You won’t forget. When you love something that much, it will live inside you forever.”
Emma immediately looked to him. “Like Mommy? Because I never want to forget her.”
Noah’s heart clenched. The honest words of a child could absolutely gut you. Emma was so sincere as she stared with those bright blue eyes. Had she truly worried she’d forget her mother? Noah tried to keep pictures of her all around the house and especially one in Emma’s bedroom. He wanted his late wife’s memory to live on because Emma was so young, there was a good chance she’d forget the sound of her mother’s voice or the way she’d laughed.
Swallowing the lump of grief, Noah pulled Emma onto his lap. “Mommy will always live in your heart, just like our ranch will. Those are things we love and just because we don’t have them anymore doesn’t mean we’ll forget them. Moving away was just for us to start our new life. We’ll have another ranch.”
“And another mommy?”
Noah stilled. He’d never even thought about how Emma might think another woman would just step into their lives. At four years old, who knew how she truly viewed death? But he’d tried to explain it to her as best as he could.
Emma shifted in his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. “When can we go riding? Lucy said we could stop by anytime.”
Noah pulled in a breath, ready to make an excuse for the “anytime” comment. But then something hit him. Lucy had called off work for the night, so she’d be awake. He wasn’t sure if she was home, but if they casually dropped in, surely she wouldn’t turn them away.
Yes, things had gotten out of hand earlier and she’d gotten spooked, but they couldn’t hide from each other. He wasn’t the type of guy to hide