The stuff turned up the following afternoon, and she disappeared with it to experiment. He tried not to think about it. He was getting fixated, and it was ridiculous.
‘Hey, Freddie, come here, little man. Let’s put some more suncream on you and you need that hat on.’
‘No!’ he screamed, throwing himself over backwards and flailing. ‘Not hat! Not cream! Go’ way!’
A window flew open upstairs and Em leant out, clutching a towel to her chest. ‘Is he OK?’
‘He’s fine. He doesn’t want sunblock.’
‘Bribe him,’ she advised, and shut the window.
Huh? Bribe him? A nineteen-month-old baby? With what?
‘He likes bananas,’ Beth said softly in his ear, and giggled. ‘So do I. And biscuits.’ Specially chocolate ones.’
‘Is that right?’ he said, slinging an arm round her skinny little shoulders and hugging her. ‘And I suppose you want one, too?’
‘Course,’ she said, wriggling free and grabbing his hand. ‘C’mon. Freddie, let’s get a biscuit.’
‘No! Want Mummy!’ Freddie yelled, and Beth just shrugged and headed up the path to the kitchen, towing Harry in her wake.
‘No biscuit if you don’t come. Or banana. Come on, Harry. Let’s have a tea party. We’ll make some for Mummy, too.’
So he went with her—no choice, really, unless he let go of her hand, which he was curiously reluctant to do—and they made tea and put biscuits and fruit out on plates while he watched Freddie out of the window to make sure he didn’t come to any harm.
He’d rolled onto his front, and he was still sobbing, but at least now he was in the shade and he wouldn’t come to any harm.
‘What’s Mummy doing?’ Beth asked while she was arranging the biscuits for the fourth time.
‘Um—feeding Kizzy, I think,’ he said, hoping she wouldn’t go upstairs, but she just carried on arranging the biscuits until she was satisfied.
‘There. Shall we take them in the garden and wait for Mummy?’
‘Good idea,’ he said. ‘Have you got a picnic blanket?’
Her eyes lit up. ‘So we can have a picnic under the tree! Um—Mummy has—it’s upstairs, I’ll get it,’ she said, and before he could stop her, she was gone.
He groaned inwardly, but there was no point going after her and, anyway, he couldn’t take his eyes off Freddie that long. Hopefully Emily would have finished by now…
‘What are you doing?’
Emily looked up at Beth, standing in the doorway swinging on the doorhandle and watching her, and gave up.
‘Kizzy needs milk, but she doesn’t like the milk from the shops, and she hasn’t got a mummy.’
‘So are you giving her your milk?’
‘Yes. Like I did when Freddie was small, and I went to the hospital and gave them milk for the tiny babies so they could have it in their bottles.’
‘Because Kizzy’s tiny, isn’t she?’
Emily nodded.
‘So why don’t you just feed her like Freddie?’ she asked, looking puzzled.
Why not, indeed? Except that she wasn’t her child, and cradling her that close, suckling her, was going to make it all the harder when Harry took her away.
‘Because I can’t. Harry needs to move back to his house when it’s decorated, and I’ve got to work. And I don’t want to be up all night, I’m tired.’
‘Oh. Won’t she mind?’
Probably, but it was tough. ‘She’ll be fine,’ she said firmly, hoping it was true. ‘Did you come upstairs for anything in particular?’
‘Picnic blanket. Harry and me made biscuits and bananas and tea and juice—oh, and strawberries. We’re having a picnic in the garden. Are you coming, Mummy?’
Made biscuits? She would have smelt it. Probably just poetic licence. ‘In a minute,’ she said, eyeing the reservoir and wondering if it would be enough. ‘Take the blanket down and I’ll be down soon.’
Although not that soon. She filled a bottle, then washed out the machine, put the parts into fresh sterilising solution and right on cue, Kizzy started to cry.
The acid test, she thought, and, scooping the baby up, she offered her the teat, squeezing a little milk out so she knew it wasn’t formula, but Kizzy wasn’t fooled and she spat the teat out.
Great.
Emily didn’t know what she was doing. If only she hadn’t started this. Well, it was time it stopped. Harry could feed her. Maybe that would work better.
She took Kizzy down, handed her and the bottle over and gave him a crooked smile. ‘Yours, I think,’ she said, and, scooping Freddie up, she hugged him and kissed his sticky, chocolaty little face. ‘Hello, gorgeous,’ she said, and he snuggled into her and wiped chocolate all over her front.
She didn’t care. It didn’t matter. All that mattered was that Harry and Kizzy would manage to get the milk down her neck and she could take a back seat.
‘Is that my tea?’ she asked, and Beth nodded.
‘It’s not very hot.’
‘It’ll be fine,’ she said firmly, and, turning her back on Harry and the baby, she sipped her tea, nibbled a biscuit—not home made, she noticed—and tuned out the sound of Kizzy fussing.
And then, miraculously, there was peace.
The screaming stopped, there was a suckling noise from behind her, and she felt her shoulders drop about a foot.
Finally.
‘Thank you.’
She looked up and smiled at Harry. He was hesitating in the doorway, his eyes studying the gadget, and he shifted awkwardly, jerking his head towards the pump.
‘So how does it work?’
Strangely shy suddenly, she showed him the instructions, showed him the bra which held the breast shields in place while the pump was working, and how the milk was collected, and his brows clumped together in a frown.
‘I had no idea it was so complicated,’ he said. ‘Hell, Em, I’m sorry. It’s a real drag having to do all that.’
‘It’s fine,’ she said, all too conscious of the fact that he’d never asked her to start this.
‘But it’s going to take so much time—all the sterilising and stuff, never mind the time linked up to the pump.’
‘Well, that’s OK. You’ll have plenty of opportunity in between milking times to hose down the parlour,’ she said with a grin, and his face dropped.
‘Me? You want me to wash it out and sterilise it and stuff?’
‘Well, why not? She’s your baby. I’m just the dairy cow—and, no, you can’t call me Daisy,’ she added, and his mouth quirked in a smile.
‘Sorry. I didn’t think. Of course I’ll do it. Just one thing?’
‘Mmm?’
‘Can I call you Buttercup?’
He ducked out of reach, laughing, and she stood up and grabbed a cushion and lobbed it at him just as he turned the corner into