The bottomless pit that opened up in front of her this time had nothing to do with the promise of pleasure. It held only the prospect of being alone again. Of course her rational mind accepted that Lucas led a very busy life, but what had been rational between them up to now? Somehow in the throes of passion she’d forgotten he had a job to do and so did she, and that their paths through life were very different.
Sensing the drop in her mood, he did everything he could to reassure her. Kissing her, he soothed her with long, caring strokes. ‘I’ll see you later…’
‘Perhaps you will,’ she agreed as he withdrew carefully.
Regret was a double-edged sword. Whatever Stacey felt now or in the future, this was her first time, so he couldn’t begrudge a defensive comment. He’d taken the experience with a pleasure so deep and strong, it would fight bitterly, possibly for the rest of his life, with the knowledge that he had nothing to offer her long-term.
Stacey doubted Lucas would make a point of seeing her later. His last glance in her direction might have been one of conflicted regret, or maybe he’d just given her her marching orders. Which hurt like hell when she had given him the only part of her she had never wanted to give to another living soul. But the facts could not be disputed. ‘I’ll see you later’ was the type of thing people said to each other when they didn’t want to firm up a date, let alone set a time for another meeting. She’d see him again in the mountains, where it would be all business.
Maybe if she’d been a different person she would have come straight out with it and asked him, Do you want to see me again? But the old doubts were never far away.
What made her think Luc wanted anything more than a pleasurable tussle in bed to relax and prepare him for sleep after the banquet? Did she flatter herself that she could hold anyone’s interest for longer than it took to give them what they wanted?
Everything had changed, and nothing, she reflected as images of her father and stepmother mocking her attempts to please them slipped unbidden into her mind.
STEPPING INTO THE empty elevator on the penthouse level before dawn on the night after the banquet, which she had spent with Luca, was an eerie experience. She’d left him glued to his monitor as he responded to emails from across the world. He had an early-morning meeting, he’d told her, so she should get on.
‘Oh, okay, then,’ she’d said, realising she’d expected something more—a peck on the cheek… Something… Anything.
Pulling herself together, she’d headed out.
It was a special time in the hotel before the morning rush began. The building seemed empty, but that was an illusion as deceptive as Stacey’s belief that Luc must feel something after they’d spent the night together. She had no regrets. It had seemed fated somehow. There was no one in the world she would rather have shared that experience with, but Luc had barely looked up when she’d left.
As the elevator dropped like a stone, thinking about how much she believed she’d shared with him, made her throat tighten. Gritting her jaw, she resolved to pull herself together. She had to get over it, and get over him. When she arrived in the mountains she wanted everything to run smoothly, which meant showing no sign of personal distress. She was his party organiser and Luc was the host. And that was all they were to each other.
Thinking back over the night it was fair to say Luc had given no indication that he wanted to see her again, and neither had she. She’d taken a shower. He’d taken a shower. Separately. He’d dressed. She’d prepared for the walk of shame, donning her evening gown, and shunning Luc’s offer of a robe before heading back to her room to change. The choice between towelling and silk was easy when she no longer cared.
Tears came when she least expected them. Her emotions were all over the place, Stacey accepted as she braced her balled fists against cold, unyielding steel and willed the doors to open so she could step out into a new day and make a better job of it. Squeezing her eyes tightly shut, she tried to understand why, after getting everything she’d ever wanted with Luc last night—everything she had thought she wanted—it still wasn’t nearly enough.
His penthouse had never felt empty before, but lacking Stacey’s vibrant presence it was just another hotel room. Having showered, he slipped into sweats, and began pacing the sleek, Scandi-style sitting room overlooking Barcelona. The astonishing sights were lost on him. Even the sun shooting its rays above a distant horizon meant nothing to him. He’d never felt like this after making love to a woman. Truthfully, he’d never felt anything. Animal instinct was a powerful driver, and knowing that, he should have slowed things down with Stacey, but his first sight of her after a space of five years had tilted his world on its axis.
What the hell was happening to him?
Staring into the mirror, he raked his hair and growled as he shook his head like an angry wolf. Stubble blackened his face. His hard, unyielding face. Beneath her professional shell, Stacey was still as soft and vulnerable as ever, and damaged by the past. He, of all people, should understand that. But he’d never felt like this before. It was as if everything that had been missing from his life had come pouring in, but too fast, so that instead of tender, protective thoughts, wild, animal passion consumed him.
Planting his fists against cold granite on the breakfast bar, he dipped his head and tightened his jaw. He’d seen too much of Stacey’s early life not to care. She’d used him for satisfaction, but he’d hardly been a passive bystander and had never known pleasure like it. Stacey had well and truly turned the tables, and when they met again…if they met again…
When they met again, he determined fiercely. For her sake, he’d be cool and distant so as not to mislead her. But was that the best he could do to save her from another cold, unfeeling man? Her father had done enough damage, and he could not bear to do more.
Did she feel anything for him?
Damage from the past cut deep in both of them. Doubt and mistrust were never far away. Lifting his head, he smiled in acknowledgement of this.
But they could change. He could change.
Could he?
The real question was, did he want to?
She was looking forward to the big event in the mountains, and it had to stay that way. How Luc would feel when he saw her again, remained to be seen. Her feelings were unchanged. From day one she had felt something for him—a lot, she admitted—so if he ignored her or, worse, if he was unemotional, and confined their dealings solely to business, it would mean putting on the act of her life.
And she would, she determined as she said goodbye to the team. ‘See you in the mountains!’ she exclaimed brightly as she wondered why life had to be so complicated.
Because life was tough for everyone, she concluded when she was alone in the room, gathering up her things. Nothing was straightforward for anyone, and, short of locking herself away and never doing anything, there would be hurt and disappointment, and pain, but there would be moments of happiness too, so she’d cling to those and get through it. Dreaming of a life with Luc was not only unrealistic, it would be like walking into pain with her eyes wide open. Any thoughts of a long-term relationship between them was a fantasy too far. Luc was a high-flyer while she had barely tested her wings. As far as business was concerned, she was confident he couldn’t have any complaints, but when it came to personal feelings… Maybe she’d never know what he felt. Luc