All he could give her was this marriage and a house and the promise to stay the hell out of her way once this was done and over. She deserved at least the pretense of a real marriage for her family’s sake, he told himself. Hell, she deserved so much more than he had.
Her curly brown hair was pulled up on top of her head to cascade down past her shoulders in a riot of wind-tossed curls. She wore a long dress of some filmy material that almost seemed otherworldly. The color was a soft lavender so pale it made him think of moonlit fog. Her eyes were bright, her mouth curved in a smile as she hugged her sister. Then those aged, whiskey eyes found his and his insides fisted. He was caught in a trap of his own making.
Married to a woman he wanted and couldn’t have. Living in a shadow world, yearning for light. Wanting to bury himself inside her warmth to ease the cold that was always crouched within him. He was outside a window staring in at what he most desired, but unable to reach out and touch it.
And maybe that was his penance, he thought. The price he had to pay for living.
“You look too solemn for a man on his wedding day.”
Somehow Jack’s father had sneaked up on him. Damn. He’d been hyperalert for months, but looking at Rita was enough to distract him from everything but her.
“Just thinking,” he said.
Thomas turned to follow Jack’s gaze to Rita. “Well, I don’t know how you can look at your bride and be thinking thoughts dark enough to put a scowl on your face.”
Chagrined, Jack realized he hadn’t been paying close enough attention. He’d let his mask slip and shown people what he was feeling and that wasn’t something he wanted to happen. No point in those he loved worrying even more than they already were.
He forced a smile and hoped it looked more real than it felt. “You like her?”
Thomas smiled and slapped his back. “What’s not to like? She’s beautiful, kind and she’s giving me another grandchild.” His voice trailed off. “I only wish your mother was still here to enjoy all of these kids running around.”
Jack smiled wistfully. His mother had died five years before and had only seen a few of the grandchildren she would have enjoyed so much. “She would have loved this.”
“Yes, she would,” his father said. “But I have a feeling she’s here, somehow. I can’t imagine your mother not being around when something big was happening to one of her kids.”
True, Jack thought. And his mother never would have worried about him from afar. She would have hammered at him relentlessly until she’d dragged him kicking and screaming out of the darkness and back to where she wanted him. Carla Buchanan had been a force of nature. And Jack honestly didn’t know if he was more sad or relieved that his mom wasn’t there to see what he’d come to.
“Come on now,” his father said. “We’re all going over to The Queen Mary for the wedding brunch.”
He had to smile. Once his father had heard about the wedding, he’d insisted on taking care of a celebratory brunch. And of course, he’d arranged for a private dining room on The Queen Mary. Nothing his father liked better than ships, and in his defense, Jack was sure their out-of-town guests would enjoy visiting the historical ship.
“You go ahead,” Jack said, “I’ll be there in a minute.”
“All right then.”
Thomas walked off to join the others and Jack took a breath, steeling himself to join in, to be a part of the festivities. The stretch of beach had never looked longer to him. A cold sea wind whipped past him and tugged at the edges of his jacket. He headed for their families, but with every step he took, he felt the sand shifting beneath his feet and the sensation reminded him of too much.
Awakened too many memories that were always too close to the surface. His insides tightened and a heightened sense of awareness took over. Sounds were more defined, until he could hear shrieks from down the beach and screams that had him whirling around and crouching as if he were under fire. Then his gaze locked on a screaming girl as her boyfriend carried her into the icy water.
Heartbeat racing, hands fisting at his sides, Jack took a breath to steady himself. The wind pushed at him, but instead of scenting sea spray on the air, he smelled the stale, flat air of a desert country that had claimed too much of him. His spine stiffened, but he turned back and kept walking, determined to keep what he was feeling to himself.
To stay half in the shadows even as he pretended to be in the light.
Rita walked up to meet him and he looked into her eyes, focusing on her, only her. Staring at her, the swamping sensations nearly drowning him faded, to be replaced by a different kind of tension. She was so beautiful she stole his breath. And now she was his wife.
God help her.
“I didn’t let anything slip to Mom and Dad,” Gina was saying. “But, I know there’s more to this whole sudden wedding thing than you’re telling.”
Rita glanced past her sister to the people in the private dining room. Sure that no one could overhear, she said, “Okay, yes. There is more. Thanks for not saying anything, and I’ll tell you about it at some point, I promise. Just... I can’t right now and I don’t want Mom and Dad worrying.”
“I know how to keep a secret.” Gina’s eyes narrowed on her. “So I’ll stay quiet. But I’m warning you, Rita, if he’s a jerk, I expect you to tell me so I can kick him.”
Rita laughed a little as relief trickled through her. She had enough on her mind and heart at the moment without worrying about her family worrying about her. Gina was always as good as her word. If she said she’d keep a secret, nothing and no one would be able to pry it out of her.
If her family knew she’d gotten married with the promise of a quickie divorce looming, there would no doubt be hell to pay. As it was, her brothers kept giving Jack a hard eye like they’d prefer to take him outside and deal with the man who’d left their sister pregnant and alone. But her parents at least were believing Rita’s story of finding Jack and the two of them reigniting the love between them.
If only, Rita thought with an internal sigh.
“I promise. But, I might kick him myself before you get the chance.”
“I can live with that,” Gina said, sipping on a mimosa in a crystal champagne flute.
While her sister was quiet, Rita had a minute to think about her wedding day. The ceremony had been small, just hers and Jack’s families on a roped-off area of the beach. The early June weather of dark skies and cool winds had kept the beach mostly deserted, so it had been intimate in spite of being so public.
When they exchanged vows, Rita remembered looking deeply into Jack’s eyes and for one brief moment, she’d seen that quick glimpse of her Jack hidden inside him again. And that gave her hope. Maybe there was a way to reach him. To actually reignite what they’d shared so briefly six months ago.
Their kiss at the end of the ceremony had started off perfunctory, but after a split second, it was as if Jack had forgotten that they were putting on a show. He’d pulled her in to him and cradled her against his body as his mouth took hers in a slow, seductive kiss that had nearly blown Rita’s short veil right off her head.
If there was that between them still, that heat, that magic, couldn’t there be more? Heat didn’t exist in a vacuum. Emotions, feelings, had to be there, too, right?
Was she being deliberately foolish? Probably. But if you didn’t