Once she’d died, he’d never gone to the bother of cleaning out the fireplace and restocking it. Neither had his father.
The fire lit quickly. Probably due to the modern firelighters. By the time he’d finished the dinner in the kitchen and walked back through with them both on a tray, Bonnie was sitting on the leather sofa, mesmerised by the fire. She jumped when he set the tray down on the low wooden table. ‘Give me a sec,’ he said, before returning with the wine and two glasses.
Her freshly washed dark auburn hair was piled up in a loose knot on top of her head, with a few little curling strands escaping. She’d changed into her favourite jeans and a gold T-shirt with a few scattered sequins that caught the flickering flames from the fire. Her pale skin glowed in the light.
She sighed as he poured the wine and she settled the plate on her knees. ‘I don’t know if I deserve this.’
Jacob looked at her sideways. He couldn’t hide the smile on his face. She seemed so despondent. ‘I’m not sure you do either. But it’s either we drink wine together, or we fight. Take your pick.’ He held up his glass towards her.
She paused for a second before catching a glimpse of the laughter in his eyes, then lifted her glass and clinked it against his. ‘I’m too tired to fight. I’ll just drink the wine.’
They ate companionably together. Finishing the first glass of wine, then pouring another. Jacob hadn’t bothered to put the TV or radio on. The only noise was the hiss and cracks coming from the fire.
Bonnie pulled her feet up onto the sofa, giving him a glimpse of her pink-painted toes.
‘It’s amazing, isn’t it?’
He nodded. Watching the fire was quite mesmerising. He could easily lose a few hours a night doing this, particularly if he had a warm body lying next to him on the sofa. His guts twisted. Why hadn’t he done this before?
‘I’m sorry about the wall,’ she whispered again.
His eyes fixed on hers in the flickering firelight. They gleamed in the orange and yellow light. He looked over to the black ugly mark on the wall and couldn’t help but start to laugh.
It was hideous. But it could be fixed. By tomorrow it would be freshly painted and forgotten about. His shoulders started to shake, the wine in his glass swaying from side to side.
‘What did you say when it happened?’ He could barely get the words out for laughter.
She started to laugh too and shook her head. ‘You’ve no idea. I was in the kitchen with Freya and I just heard this whooshing noise and a thump. The guy landed on his backside in the middle of the floor. He looked as if he was about to be sick.’
Now the laughter had finally started she seemed relieved to get it out. ‘Then I came through and just burst into tears. I don’t think that helped him.’
‘I’ll bet it didn’t.’
He turned towards her on the sofa, his arm already stretched behind her head. It was only natural she turned towards him too.
‘Please tell me you’re not really mad with me.’
He shook his head and reached his finger up to touch her cheek. He didn’t even think before he did it. It just seemed like the most natural act in the world. The act he’d wanted to do a few days before in the sluice room.
‘I’m not mad at you. What you did was nice. It was thoughtful.’ He gave a little shrug. ‘I always meant to get around to it. It just never happened.’ His voice tailed off a little. ‘Other stuff got in the way.’
Her hand came up and rested on his bare arm. ‘What other stuff?’
It was like a whole host of tiny electric shocks racing up his arm. He could feel the warmth of her skin next to his. All he wanted to do was grab her whole body and press it against his. Skin against skin.
‘Nothing important. Work, that kind of stuff.’ He didn’t want to go there. Not with Bonnie. He didn’t want to have any of those kinds of conversations with Bonnie. This thing between them. He didn’t know what it was. But it seemed almost unreal. Not really acknowledged. Not really known by anyone but them.
She hesitated but didn’t move her hand. She left it there in contact with his skin.
‘I need some advice. I saw some other possible rentals today and one small flat that I could afford to buy. You need to tell me about the areas.’
The squeeze inside was so unexpected it made him jolt. He should be jumping for joy. But he strangely wasn’t.
Sitting in the flickering firelight with Bonnie, watching the orange light glint off her auburn hair and light up her pale skin, giving her advice to leave seemed ridiculous.
It was just the two of them right now. In the glimmering light her bright blue eyes reflected off his. He was close enough to see the tiny freckles across the bridge of her nose.
But he wanted to be closer.
He licked his dry lips and watched as she mirrored his actions. This woman was going to drive him crazy.
‘Where?’ His voice was so low it was barely audible.
‘One rental in Olderfield, one in Rancor and the flat is in Calderwood.’ She named the prices for each.
He shook his head. ‘Olderfield is not an area you want to stay in.’ It was almost a relief to say those words. ‘The price of the rental in Rancor is nearly three hundred pounds a month above any other. It sounds like a bit of a con. As for Calderwood—it’s nice. It’s fine. But it’s the other side of the city. You’d need to change Freya’s school again. Do you really want to do that?’
Everything he was saying was safe and rational. It was sensible.
But that wasn’t how he was feeling right now.
He’d inched closer. And so had she.
It was almost as if an invisible force were drawing them together. Pushing them together. He could feel her warm breath dancing across his skin. The scent she’d put on after showering was pervading its way around him, wrapping round like a tentacle and reeling him in.
He had absolutely no wish or desire to resist it. None at all.
He was trying to read what was in her eyes. He was sure he could see passion burning there. She hadn’t moved; she hadn’t flinched. She just unobtrusively moved even closer, slotting under his arm as though she were meant to be there.
And for the first time it felt as if someone was meant to be there.
The flickering fire didn’t just bathe the room and her skin in warm light. It made him feel different inside. It made him feel that the thing that was missing from this home might finally be there.
There was no time for talk.
He moved forwards, his lips against hers.
It was the lightest of touches. The merest hint of what was to come.
She let out a little sigh and her hand moved up to his shoulder, as if she was going to pull him closer.
The tiny voice came out of nowhere, cutting through the building heat in the room.
‘Mummy?’
They sprang apart. Both of them realising what had almost happened. Bonnie was on her feet in an instant and out of the door, running up the stairs to the little voice at the top of them.
Jacob was left in the room. His breathing ragged and his soul twisting like the ugly black mark on the wall. Was he mad?
What had he nearly done? She was a colleague. For a few minutes he’d completely forgotten about the little girl upstairs.
What could have