‘I know.’ His fingers tightened round hers. ‘As I said, it’s routine and we’re just going to get in the way. We need to let the team do their job.’
‘You work here. Doesn’t that make a difference?’ Amy asked.
He shook his head.
And then a really nasty thought struck her. He’d said that new babies couldn’t regulate their temperatures that well. If Hope had an infection and her temperature shot up... Could she die?
Time felt as if it had just stopped.
‘Josh. Tell me she’s not going to...’ The word stuck in her throat.
He looked at her, and she could see her own fears reflected in his blue eyes.
‘We have to wait for the test results,’ he said.
The baby wasn’t theirs—or at least was only theirs temporarily—but right then Amy felt like a real parent, anxious for news and trying not to think of the worst-case scenarios. Any tiredness she felt vanished under the onslaught of adrenaline. This was the only chance she might have to be a parent. And what if she lost something so precious—the baby she hadn’t asked for but was beginning to fall in love with, despite her promises to herself not to let herself get involved?
‘Amy,’ Josh said softly. ‘It’s going to be all right. Alison—the doctor who is looking after her—is one of my most experienced juniors. She’ll spot any problem and know how to treat it.’
‘I guess.’
He must have heard the wobble in her voice, because this time he wrapped his free arm around her and held her close. ‘It’s going to be OK.’
She leaned back and looked at him. ‘You look as worried as I feel.’
‘A bit,’ he admitted wryly. ‘My head knows it’s going to be fine. If there was anything really serious going on, Alison would’ve come out to see us by now.’
‘But?’
‘But my heart,’ he continued quietly, ‘is panicking. This must be what it’s like to be a parent. Worrying if the baby is OK, or if you’re missing something important.’
She nodded. ‘I’m glad you’re with me. Knowing I’m not the only one feeling like this makes it feel a bit less—well—scary.’
‘Agreed.’ Though she noticed he was still holding her; clearly he was taking as much comfort from her nearness as she was from his.
And then finally the curtain swished open.
‘Hey, Josh. We’ve done bloods and urine, to rule out bacterial infections,’ Alison said. ‘And I gave her a proper cord clip. How on earth did you manage to change her nappy round that thing?’
‘A mixture of necessity and practice,’ Amy said wryly.
‘Ouch,’ Alison said. ‘Well, you know the drill, Josh. We’ll have to wait for the test results before we can tell if we need to admit her—and, given all the viruses in the hospital right now, hopefully we won’t have to do that. But you can sit with the baby now while we wait for the results to come back, if you like.’
‘Yes, please. And no doubt you have potential fractures in the waiting room that need looking at,’ Josh said. ‘Sure. We won’t hold you up any longer.’
When Alison had closed the cubicle curtain behind her, Josh turned to Amy. ‘We can’t pick her up and hold her,’ Josh said, ‘because our body warmth will put her temperature up.’ Which meant they had to resort to taking turns in letting Hope hold a finger in her left hand, because Hope’s right hand was hooked up to a machine.
‘So what does this machine do?’ Amy asked.
‘It’s a pulse oximeter. It measures the oxygen levels in her blood,’ Josh explained, ‘so we know if there’s a problem and we need to give her some extra oxygen through a mask, like they did in the ambulance. It’s all done by light shining through her skin and it doesn’t hurt her.’ He was used to explaining the situation, but it felt odd to be on the other side of it, too.
‘Right. Are those figures good news or bad?’ she asked, gesturing to the screen.
He analysed them swiftly. ‘Good. I’m happy with her oxygen sats and her pulse rate.’
Amy bit her lip. ‘She’s so tiny, Josh, and we’re supposed to be looking after her. What if...?’
‘If she has an infection, she’s in the right place for us to treat it,’ Josh reassured her. ‘She’ll be fine.’
Two hours later, the baby’s temperature was down to a more normal level. The results of the blood tests had come back, and to their relief there was no sign of any bacterial infection.
‘I’m pleased to say you can take her home. Just keep an eye on her and give her some liquid paracetamol every four to six hours—you know the safe dose for a baby that age,’ Alison said to Josh. ‘How are you getting home?’
‘Ambulance, I guess,’ Josh said. ‘We don’t have a car seat for her. The social worker obviously didn’t guess we might have to rush her to hospital.’
‘So you’ve got almost nothing for her?’ Alison asked.
‘Just the very basics—this Moses basket, some clothes and formula milk,’ Amy confirmed.
‘Poor little mite. She’s lucky you found her,’ Alison said. ‘And that you could look after her.’
‘We’re neighbours,’ Josh said quickly.
Alison looked at their joined hands and smiled.
Josh prised his fingers free. ‘And friends. And worried sick about the baby.’
‘She’s going to be fine,’ Alison said. ‘I’ll let the ambulance control know that you can go whenever they’re ready.’
* * *
This time the journey wasn’t as terrifying, and Hope slept through the whole thing. Though Amy felt as if she’d never, ever sleep again when she let them back into her flat. ‘I’ll sit up with her.’
‘I’ll keep you company,’ he said.
‘But you—’ she began.
‘I’m not on duty tomorrow—well, today,’ he cut in. ‘I’m awake now, too. And we can both catch up on our sleep later when the baby sleeps.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘Sure. Let’s keep the light low for her, so she can sleep and we can see her.’
His duvet was still thrown over her sofa. ‘Here—you might as well share the duvet with me,’ he said, and tucked it over her. ‘Try not to worry. We know it’s not a bacterial infection, which is the important thing. Maybe it’s the beginnings of a cold. Small babies tend to get temperature spikes when they get a cold. One minute they’re fine, the next minute they’re ill enough to worry the life out of you, and then they’re absolutely fine again.’ He took her hand. ‘She’s going to be perfectly all right, Amy. We’re here and we’re keeping an eye on her. And, before you say it, I’m used to not getting massive amounts of sleep. It comes with the job.’
‘I guess,’ she said. He was still holding her hand, and it made her feel better. She didn’t pull away.
* * *
Amy woke, feeling groggy, to the sound of Hope crying.
When had she fallen asleep? How could she have neglected Hope like that? Guilt flooded through her.
But a crying baby was a good sign, right?
‘OK?’ Josh asked next to her, sounding much more