The calculated way he enumerated his wishes chilled her soul. On the one hand, she knew he was offering her personal salvation and a safe start to her child’s life. And yet, looking at him, seeing no softness in Rahim, her heart dropped to her stomach.
Was this to be another failure to add to her ever growing list? In the hours since Rahim had left her alone, she’d tried to convince herself she could do this alone, if need be. After all, millions of women had succeeded, hadn’t they? But now Allegra realised that she hadn’t really believed herself. What she’d hoped for was a sign that Rahim would be willing to undertake this journey with her, not out of duty but because a part of him, no matter how small, wanted this child too. Looking at him now, fresh doubts flooded her.
Her parents had provided legitimacy and the occasional bout of twisted affection and nothing much else. Allegra knew the fierce glow that burned within her each time she thought of the child growing in her womb was a different emotion to what she’d experienced as a child. It was even different from what she felt for her siblings.
It was deeper, and fiercely intense. One that she would lay down her life to protect.
But would it thrive in an atmosphere filled with recrimination? Like her parents, would that love eventually become distorted once she accepted a ring from a man she barely knew? A man whose sole reason for being here was duty?
‘Allegra.’
She looked at Rahim. ‘Was this why you left? To make this cold and calculating plan?’
His face hardened further, drawing a shiver from her. ‘Our marriage won’t be cold and calculating. Only the planning and execution of it.’
‘Is that supposed to reassure me?’
‘You’re a pragmatist, Allegra. Same as I. We are faced with a situation and we have to find the best way forward. This is the only way forward.’
No mention of love. No mention of hearts and roses. Allegra told herself it wasn’t what she’d expected anyway. She didn’t fool herself for a moment into thinking Rahim would feel the same newly discovered love she felt for the baby growing inside her.
But even as the alien hurt lodged itself in her chest, she forced herself to think past it. She reminded herself that to Rahim she was a stranger. Yet he was willing to tie himself to a woman he’d had a one-night stand with for a lifetime. Even if it was just for the sake of their child, it was a huge sacrifice. One she couldn’t dismiss out of hand.
And as calculating as it seemed, perhaps she was better off halving the risk of failing as a mother with Rahim by her side rather than not. He had known a better childhood than her...could perhaps even find affection for his child once it was born...
The endless darting thoughts ground to a halt when his hands jerked out of his pockets and he stormed forward. ‘Allegra...you do want this baby, don’t you? You haven’t changed your mind?’ The question fired from him, white-hot and bullet sharp.
Seeing the lethal tension spiking higher by the second, Allegra swallowed. Surely if he felt this strongly and was still concerned about what her decisions were about this child they hadn’t planned, then it was a good start?
‘I haven’t changed my mind, Rahim. I want this baby.’ The belief that she could make this work settled deep inside her.
He exhaled, the tension slowly draining out of him. Then he nodded. ‘Good,’ he gritted out.
Although she accepted rationally that she couldn’t hold it against him, a tiny part of her soul still withered at the matter-of-fact way he’d set the course for the rest of their lives.
Allegra had pushed any thoughts of settling down far out of her mind when she realised she wouldn’t be mother or wife material a long time ago. But there’d been times as a child when she’d dream of her fairy-tale prince.
Rahim Al-Hadi was as regal and princely as they came. But she knew this was as far from her childhood fairy tale as she could get. She’d taken all the wrong turns to get to this destination.
And while she was being offered a chance to make the best of a bad situation, what exactly did being the wife of a sheikh entail?
‘I won’t stop my work with the Di Sione Foundation.’ That was non-negotiable, notwithstanding her actions having placed her career and any future good she’d hoped to do in a precarious position. Her foundation work had been her saviour when every other aspect of her existence had been a grey wasteland. She had her child to think of now, but her work was equally as important.
He nodded. ‘Of course. I’ve appointed a few more women ministers in the past month. I hope you’ll work with them to see to it that Dar-Amanian women achieve the same rights as their male counterparts?’
Allegra felt her eyes widen. ‘You’ve done that already?’
He shrugged. ‘The process had already begun when you visited my kingdom. Had you not had your own agenda, perhaps you would’ve found out for yourself.’
Shame drenched her. Before she could find words to appease him, he continued. ‘I need a yes, Allegra.’ His gaze caught and locked on hers, a ruthless compulsion in the hazel depths. ‘A yes that you’ll mean come tomorrow morning.’
The reminder that she’d fled in the night after promising to stay made her flush. She wanted to look away, but that would show weakness. And she couldn’t be weak. Not when it came to such an important decision.
Taking a deep breath, she passed a soothing hand over a stomach swarming with butterflies. ‘Yes, Rahim. I’ll marry you.’
He stared at her for several seconds, then he took an equally deep breath before exhaling. ‘There must be no delay. There’ll be enough questions as it is when you deliver in seven months.’
‘Really, people still question legitimacy based on a nine-month conception within marriage?’ she asked cynically.
Rahim summoned a ghost of a smile. ‘In many ways I’m as western as you are, but unfortunately, I can’t speak for all of my kingdom. Best we don’t set too many tongues wagging. Dar-Aman can’t afford another scandal right now.’
Allegra was reminded then the many times Rahim had spoken of his people when she’d been in Dar-Aman. She’d been too clouded with her own judgements to hear the affection and devotion in his voice when he spoke of his subjects. But now she knew better.
And everything she did from here on would also reflect on his people.
Swallowing the nerves, she rose from the chair. His keen eyes watched warily. ‘I’m fine,’ she said hastily when he took a step towards her. She didn’t want him close. So far she’d been able to retain enough rationality to make the vital decisions. Allegra didn’t think she’d be able to progress as effectively if he stood close enough to touch, to smell. She had a hard enough time not devouring him with her eyes.
She’d thought he looked beyond exceptional in a traditional abaya. Seeing him in clothes that accentuated his honed body so sensationally was a weakness on her system she couldn’t allow. Not when that look of hungry lust they’d shared before he left in the middle of the afternoon still tugged relentlessly at her.
‘So what happens now?’ she asked, desperately wresting back the practical side of her nature that seemed to have deserted her.
‘I inform my council of my intention, and they will take it from there. I expect the date will be within the week.’
‘A week?’ She didn’t realise she’d swayed again, until he caught her arms. His touch was as electrifying as it’d been this afternoon. But this time self-preservation made her resist.
He