But dream turned into nightmare somewhere around dawn when she jerked awake, the ephemeral thoughts that had been niggling at the edge of her brain finally sending her on a frantic search. Hands shaking, she located the condom. The ripped condom which she hadn’t thought twice about when she’d grasped Rahim in a particularly heated moment but which her subconscious must have documented.
Waves of ice drenching her, she slid from her bed and stood with her heart thudding dully. Thoughts of the possible consequences slammed through her mind, each worse case more frightening than the last. She took deep, steady breaths, forcing herself not to panic. She was on the pill, one with high levels of success. And that last, lust-inflamed move, she concluded, face flaming hotter, had been right before their final release. Her fears abated slightly as she confirmed that her pill dosage was right on track.
It had to be.
She was nowhere near equipped to assume the huge responsibility of caring for a child.
Her track record was woefully lacking to even begin to contemplate motherhood.
And really, would the odds be so cruelly stacked against her for seeking one moment of passion?
But it hadn’t been just the once...
Rahim had stayed true to his word. His hunger hadn’t abated until the first streaks of an orange sunrise tinged grey skies. Her body ached in places thoroughly alien to her and, with each breath, she felt the residual power of his possession.
Allegra knew that if it hadn’t been for her subconscious nudging her to acknowledge her folly, she would be as dead to the world as Rahim was now. Her breath caught anew as she stared down at him.
In sleep, he was a little less overpowering, but every bit as magnificent. With the sheets tangled around his waist and one arm thrown over his head, his incredible body was on display, reminding her just how hungry she’d been in turn. How hungry she still was. The force of that need had her taking a step back. When her back touched the cold railing, she suppressed a gasp.
She was naked in the bedchamber of a man she hadn’t met this time yesterday. A man who was only supposed to have been a means to an end. An end she’d failed woefully at achieving.
Far from the woman she’d taken pride in believing herself to be once she’d acknowledged her basic flaws, Allegra felt the humiliating burn of deep shame and she hurried silently down the stairs to the lower floor of Rahim’s chamber. Each stealthy breath she took hammered home her spectacular failure.
Ruthlessly she locked her thoughts down to be dealt with when she was far away from Dar-Aman. It was either that or lose her mind along with everything she’d thrown under the bus of her weakness. Slipping her wrinkled negligee over her head, she crossed to where Rahim had dropped her wrap earlier. As she straightened, her gaze fell on the Fabergé box.
Don’t fail me, ragazza mia.
Her grandfather’s words resonated loudly in her head, as if he stood next to her. Hopeless tears filled her eyes. She plugged the sob that threatened with her fist and took a step back from the cabinet.
She couldn’t.
She wouldn’t.
But hadn’t she lost everything she deemed worthy tonight? She’d come into Rahim’s room with the intention of finding some way of taking possession of the box. When he’d caught her red-handed, she’d lied and thrown herself at him to cover her subterfuge.
Her integrity was already in shreds. But did that warrant adding stealing to her sins?
She shook her head as another sob rose. She’d failed her family in so many ways. Adding another failure...returning home to her grandfather empty-handed... The thought tore at her heart.
Hands shaking, she slid back the cabinet glass and reached for the box. Shrugging her wrap off her shoulders, she wrapped the priceless ornament in it and slowly turned.
With one last quick glance up to where Rahim lay sleeping, she slipped out as quietly as she’d entered.
But even as her feet carried her back to her suite, and she hurried through packing her suitcase and reassuring a bewildered Nura that she would much prefer a taxi to the airport over a palace driver, Allegra was certain the stain on her soul would never be erased.
The stain deepened even as she sent silent thanks to the media who’d widely documented her visit with Rahim. As a guest of His Royal Highness, she was informed with deference by the airport officials; she didn’t need to go through customs. Allegra cringed with shame as she was escorted into her first-class seat on the commercial jet.
Nevertheless, she cradled her grandfather’s Lost Mistress throughout the flight, unwilling to let it out of her sight.
The tiny voice that mocked that she did so because the box also signified the only part of Rahim she would ever encounter again in this lifetime, she harshly ignored.
Two months later
ALLEGRA HEARD THE slow footsteps and the added click of the walking stick and summoned a smile as her grandfather walked into the sunroom.
Situated on the east wing of the Long Island villa, the shaded coolness of the room was what Giovanni favoured these days, although he spent an hour on his favourite terrace in the mornings, before the mid-July heat became too unbearable.
She turned in her seat as the footsteps halted. ‘Ragazza, I didn’t hear you come in.’
‘I didn’t want to disturb you. Alma said you were resting.’
He waved an impatient hand. ‘She’s very liberal with her guard dog duties, that one. I was merely cataloguing a few things in my study after lunch. She could’ve let me know you were here at any time,’ he grumbled.
Allegra knew it was more than just cataloguing. Ever since she’d returned the Fabergé box to her grandfather, he’d kept it in his study, alongside a necklace whose origin was unknown to her. She knew from the housekeeper that Giovanni had been spending hours in his study with the two pieces lately. ‘It doesn’t matter. You’re here now. It’s good to see you up.’
‘I have my good days and bad days. Today is a good day.’ Her grandfather walked forward, his stride a little slow, but his colour much better than it’d been back in May.
Before he’d sent her to Dar-Aman.
Before her life had changed forever.
The mingled feelings of awe, fear and dread that spiralled through her every time she thought of the secret she carried ate away at her smile. Dragging it back, she met her grandfather halfway and kissed him on both cheeks.
When she drew back, she met his frank gaze, praying he wouldn’t comment on her sallow complexion or the weight she’d lost.
‘Something’s wrong, Allegra mia,’ he said, dashing her hopes. When she opened her mouth, he shook his head. ‘Don’t bother denying it. You’re good at hiding things but you forget that you are my blood, my first granddaughter. Ever since you were a child you cared for everyone else around you. That special trait is why I chose you to head my foundation. You care—a little too much, some might say—but you don’t care enough about yourself.’
Allegra couldn’t help the bitterness in her voice. ‘I disagree. I don’t think my caring was enough.’
Giovanni shuffled to the wide armchair and sank heavily into it. After propping his cane next to the chair, he turned his frown on her. ‘Being exceptionally hard on yourself has always been your problem.’
‘One of many, I’m sure.’
His