A devilish glint entered his eyes…
‘When I tell you my condition you’ll be even more so.’
‘I don’t like that look.’ A little bit shrewd. A whole lot devious.
‘You have to attend the Silverstone Ball tonight. That’s the deal.’
There it went. In point five of a second. ‘It’ being her stomach, hitting ground level with a sickening thud.
‘No way. You know that’s not my scene.’
Black-tie extravaganza to kick off the weekend of racing with VIP clientele and the usual coterie, sipping champagne, dressed up to the nines in…? No.
Just no!
‘Hold up there, handsome. Your condition? What do you need me there for?’
Never mind the dresses and the shoes and the dancing and the mind-numbing chit-chat, if he thought she was suffering that soiree only to watch him portray Lothario he had another think coming!
‘Your car needs to be unveiled and it’s the perfect venue. You have to be there. This is your big moment. You need to revel in it, enjoy it. Come on, Serena, I dare you.’
‘Ooh. Low, Finn, real low.’ The beast knew exactly how to get a rise out of her.
Huffing out a breath, she stared unseeingly at her car while a war raged inside her. As far as big moments went this was pretty huge.
She chose her words carefully. ‘On my own?’
If he was taking a woman she wanted to know so she could prepare herself. It was crucifying, waiting for him to choose a new starlet.
True, she’d been batting away the sneaking suspicion that he’d already done so for days. What with the odd phone calls he refused to answer in front of her. The ones that made his jaw set to granite as his gaze locked on the screen before he glanced at her with something close to remorse.
If not a woman, who else?
Then again, she doubted he’d had the time to wield his charm elsewhere. More often than not they were together. Which brought on a whole new set of problems. Because while she liked having him as a friend—a pretty cool friend, as it turned out, who’d sneaked her into the premiere of the latest action flick last night—it was getting harder and harder to keep her hands off him.
All in all, since Montreal her sanity was slowly being fed through a shredder.
‘You’ll hardly be on your own, Serena. The entire team is going and you’ll be walking in there with me.’ He gave her a wink that made her feel dizzy. ‘I get first dance.’
Oh. Well, then. Those fireflies started doing an Irish jig. He was taking her, not some flashy starlet. He was going to dance with her, not the latest paddock beauty. As friends, of course. Unless he’d changed his mind…
Suddenly her mind made the oddest leap, to a vision of her biker leathers, and a groan ripped from her chest. ‘And what exactly would I wear?’
He chuckled at that. Actually laughed.
‘What’s funny?’
‘And she says she’s not a woman.’
Serena threw him a few daggers, wholly unamused.
‘Don’t worry, okay?’ A smile seeped through his voice. ‘We’ll find something.’
‘We? Are you worried I’ll turn up in T-shirt and jeans and embarrass you?’
Fully expecting some wisecrack, she was unprepared for the way he reached up and tenderly brushed a lock of damp hair from her brow. Only to melt when he stroked down her cheek with the side of his index finger.
‘Listen to me. I would dance all night with you wearing a driver’s suit—I wouldn’t change you for the world. But what I don’t want is for you to feel uncomfortable or out of place. Why don’t you think of it as an adventure? If you have the time of your life, that’s great. If you don’t, nothing lost. At least you’ll have tried. For you. And you’ll have given the SL1 the launch she deserves. Come on, it’ll be fun.’
The only thing she heard were his words I wouldn’t change you for the world. And she knew he meant every single one.
‘Know what I tell every rookie when he faces the fast lane? Fear is a choice. Don’t choose it, Serena.’
In some sort of Finn-induced trance, she murmured, ‘Okay.’
She could do this. Launch her car. Dance with Finn. Keep it friendly.
If he still wanted that. She wasn’t so sure any more. In truth she had no idea why they were still fighting it. Stone-cold morning-after, full of regrets about being one of many.
‘Good.’ He delved into his pocket and whipped out his mobile. ‘I’ll go make some calls and we’ll head back to the Country Club. Within two hours you’ll have half a boutique in your suite.’
Another wink as he backed towards the garage and her insides went gooey.
‘Trust me, baby.’
Trust him.
Why did he always say that? Because he wanted her to trust him so badly? Or was he transmitting some kind of subconscious warning that she shouldn’t? The problem was, his warnings were now falling on deaf ears.
Especially since his predicted ‘stone-cold emptiness’ had evolved regardless. Wherever they went, whatever they did, when the time came to part, stone-cold was exactly what she felt—right down to her bones.
Until her sheets twisted with hot longing and her mind saw an evocative cabaret with her and Finn centre stage. Her only thought: I want that man. I always have and I’m going to have him.
To hell with it all.
It was becoming harder and harder to control that voice, to silence the woman inside.
Serena ambled across the tarmac towards the perimeter, enticed by the serenity of lush green meadows—an endless landscape of possibilities. She struggled to remember if she’d ever seen her life that way. As an adventure. Always the pragmatist, she’d never been a dreamer.
There was Finn, with his rich and wondrous, albeit debauched past, but at least he’d lived life to the full. While she’d been fighting that voice, the woman she was inside, since she was thirteen years old, having just rolled onto her stomach in bed, only to wince as the sensitive mounds of flesh on her chest crushed against the mattress. Then a few days later the stomach pain had come, to signal an even bigger humiliation—how to buy panty liners surrounded by men. And that had been nothing on the hormonal avalanche making her feel confused, wishing more than ever that she had a mum of her own. She’d been lost—like a stranger in her own skin. Trapped in someone else’s body.
Looking back, it was all so clear to her now. Raised a tomboy, she’d hastened to repress her nature. Yet slowly, secretly, she’d begun harbouring fantasies of more. Dreaming. Easily beguiled by a man who’d lured her with lies and deceit, making the temptation to be all things feminine a compulsion she couldn’t resist.
Tipping her face skyward, she let the sun warm her face and breathed through the hurt in her heart. The sinister backlash would stay with her always.
Ever since Finn had made her realise she saw women as weak the idea had rubbed her raw, like a scratch to her psyche.
The naked truth? She was petrified of being a woman. It led her to make bad choices. To walk headlong into betrayal. Pain. Weakness. It led her to lack-lustre sexual encounters as her body fought her will.
So here she was. Twenty-six years old. Still trapped.
Until Finn touched her and she threatened to burst out of her