Wow—he couldn’t have made it clearer that this wasn’t personal. Hurt flashed across her ribcage...until she registered the slight croakiness to his tone, as if he were forcing the words out. She didn’t believe him. Ethan had done this for her—had chosen this particular activity with her in mind—she knew it.
For heaven’s sake.
She had to get a grip. Of course she didn’t know it—it was another case of believing what she wanted to believe. Just as she’d believed her parents would change—had taken any stray kind word and built it up into a pointless dream. Just as she’d trusted that Gary and Steve and Hugh would change for her. Each and every time she had been blind and foolish.
Not any more.
‘Let’s get our coats.’
* * *
Curse words streamed through Ethan’s brain—talk about acting like a class-A schmuck. What was he trying to prove? So what if he had chosen the itinerary with Ruby in mind? The whole point had been to give her a magical Christmas. To palliate the hurt of her Christmases Past—to do for her what she had done for Tara and Max and all those teenagers. There was nothing wrong with that—and yet panic continued to churn in his gut.
Deal with it, Ethan.
Sure, the last time Christmas had been magical for him had been when Tanya was alive. That magic hadn’t stopped his sister from leaving this life scant months later. But that had zip to do with Ruby, and he wouldn’t let his own past ruin this day for her.
‘Wait!’
Ruby swivelled round on one booted foot, her poise back in place, her initial happiness and subsequent hurt both erased.
‘Yes?’
‘I apologise. I’m not good at this whole Christmas scenario, but I don’t want this to be awkward. I want you to enjoy the ride and the itinerary and...’
And he wanted to kiss her so badly his lips tingled and his hands ached with the need to reach out for her. Somehow a kiss would show her what he meant when words seemed to have deserted his tongue...
Somehow he needed to get with it and recall Ethan Caversham, man-in-control, to the building.
‘So how about we get this carriage on the road?’
Her gorgeous lips turned up in a smile so sweet that he knew she had intuitively understood what he meant even if he didn’t.
‘It’s a plan. But first maybe this is the right time for me to give you your Christmas gifts.’
Surprise slammed into him. ‘You bought me gifts?’
‘No need to sound so shocked. Yes, I did. Hang on.’ Anticipation etched her features as she walked over to her case. ‘This one I bought ages ago. I was going to leave it at the castle for you to find. And this one was an impulse buy at the airport.’
‘Thank you.’
In truth he had no idea what to say—he couldn’t remember the last time he had been on the receiving end of a personal gift. His lips twisted in a rueful smile—in a sense he was still on a par with Max and Tara, et al.
Slipping a hand into his pocket, he retrieved his present for Ruby and sudden trepidation shot through his nerves. ‘Here’s yours. Ladies first.’
‘Oh... You didn’t have to. I know you don’t really believe in Christmas.’
Ethan shrugged. ‘I... I thought that...seeing how much effort you put into the teens’ gifts...the least I could do was—’ He broke off. He was doing it again. ‘I wanted to.’
He had wanted Ruby to have a present that someone had thought about. Okay. Make that agonised over. How long had he spent in that stupid jewellery shop? Irritation caused his fingers to drum on his thigh as he felt his heart thud faster—he wanted her to like it way too much.
A yearning to see her eyes light up banded his chest as she carefully unwrapped the green embossed paper, held the dark blue jewellery box and then snapped it open and gasped, her lips forming a perfect O of wonder.
The pendant glittered, diamonds on white gold, shaped into an exquisite simple star. When he’d seen it an image of Ruby as she’d handed him the star to adorn the Christmas tree had popped into his mind.
‘Ethan. I... I...can’t accept this. It’s not right. It’s...’
‘It’s yours.’
Though by ‘not right’ maybe she meant she didn’t like it...
An image of his mother that terrible first Christmas after Tanya’s death flashed across his mind. Her wooden expression as she opened his gifts. The sear of knowledge that he’d got it wrong. That without Tanya he meant nothing to her, couldn’t get it right. All those hours spent agonising for naught.
Maybe he should have learnt—stuck to something generic for Ruby. Better yet, he should have given her a Christmas bonus—a cheque, a banker’s draft. Going personal had been a mistake. Ethan Caversham didn’t do personal.
‘You can exchange it if need be.’
‘Exchange it?’ she echoed. ‘Why would I do that? It’s beautiful. I meant it’s too much.’
‘It’s a gift, Ruby.’ It occurred to him that she was no more used to gifts than he was. ‘I want you to have it.’
‘Then thank you.’
As she took it from the box he thought for an instant that she would ask his help to put it on. Relief warred with disappointment when she lifted it herself—the thought of his fingers brushing the sensitive skin of her neck had strummed a jolt of pure desire through him.
‘Now open yours.’
An absurd sense of excitement threaded his gut as he unwrapped the first gift, the bright paper covered in images of Father Christmas bringing a smile to his lips. It was a smile that grew as warmth touched his chest.
In his hands was a painting of Caversham Castle. The artist had captured the sheer brooding history of the craggy mound of medieval stone, imposing and grand, made to defend and dominate the landscape.
‘It’s perfect. Thank you.’
‘Open the next one.’ A small frown creased her forehead. ‘Like I said, this was an impulse buy and if you don’t like it I won’t be offended...’
As he pulled the jumper out of its silver wrapping paper a chuckle fell from his lips. ‘A Christmas jumper.’ A cable knit in dark blue, it was patterned with reindeer. ‘It’s inspired—and what better time to wear it?’
‘You mean it?’
Surprise and a smile illuminated her face, and for one heartbeat full of exhilaration he nearly succumbed to the temptation to sweep her into his arms and kiss her.
No! There was personal and there was personal.
Instead he tugged the jumper over his head ‘Of course. Now, let’s go!’
A few minutes later and they were all layered up. Once outside, Ethan sucked in the cold air; welcomed the hit to his lungs and brain. Perhaps the cold would freeze some sense into him.
RUBY STOLE A sideways glance at Ethan and tried to confine the tornado of her thoughts. Yeah, right. Containment continued to elude her, effectively held at bay by the sheer nearness of Ethan as they settled under the heap of blankets on the carriage seat. Ruby clenched her jaw—she would not even contemplate the word snuggle.
Somehow