When Shelley stood up from playing, I noticed a dark, circular stain on her pajama pants. She saw me looking, and said, ‘I peed my pants.’ Her lip trembled, and my heart lurched.
While Ben shouted for Shelley to come back and play, I scooped my hands under her armpits and carried her to the bathroom, careful to keep her urine-laden clothes from touching mine. My biceps burned as I lowered her onto the bathroom floor. Struggling, I peeled the wet bottoms off as I tried to coax Ben. ‘She’ll be right back!’ I huffed.
By the time I’d located clean shorts for Shelley and got her changed, it was nearly five o’clock.
I was starting to get annoyed. It wasn’t that I minded spending time with my niece and nephew, but I was still wondering why Madeline hadn’t at least bothered telling me she had somewhere to go. Shelley seemed fine without her mother here, but Ben was getting more and more restless, causing my own panic level to rise.
‘Where is my mommy?’ he asked, for nearly the tenth time. Like me, he paced in front of the living room window, looking out often.
‘Out shopping, I guess. I don’t know,’ I mumbled, wringing my hands.
I texted her again, and when she still didn’t answer, I called. Her phone rang and rang, finally reaching her voicemail. I left another shaky, awkward message, trying to hide my indignation. It was the fourth or fifth message I’d left so far, and I was starting to feel resentful that she hadn’t, in the very least, called back to tell me where she was or what she was doing…
‘What’s for dinner?’ Shelley squeaked. Tiredly, I rubbed the back of my neck. Do these kids ever stop eating or playing? An image popped up of one of those battery commercials … they keep going and going…
I wanted to take a shower and relax in my room, but the kids kept me moving. My own stomach was rumbling now, too, and I wondered briefly if there was a pizza place that delivered nearby. But I already knew the answer to that. There was nothing much around here. The closest pizzeria was twenty miles south of Bare Border. You want pizza around here, you either drive to get it or you settle for the waxy crap they sell at the store.
My mouth watered as I thought of the Chinese carryout store near my apartment. Takeout sounds so good right now … the peaceful silence of my apartment sounds good, too.
My phone rung and I jumped up from the couch, eager to talk to Madi. I was disappointed when I saw that the caller wasn’t her.
I recognized the number – it was my landlord, Jin. He knew I’d lost my job, and he was probably calling to see if I’d made arrangements to move out yet. I wasn’t sure if that’s what I wanted to do, but without a job, I wouldn’t have much choice. I silenced the call. Shelley and Ben were still staring at me, waiting for me to say something.
‘Not your mom. But I’m sure she’ll be here soon.’ They didn’t look convinced, my own voice shaky, unsure.
I tried one more time to call her, reaching her voicemail again. Damn you, Madi. Where did you go?
‘Alright,’ I said, sighing, ‘So, what do you guys want for dinner? Chicken noodle soup, hotdogs…?’
‘It’s time to go to the woods!’ Ben leapt up from the floor where he’d been playing and ran for the door. Shoes were piled on top of each other next to the front door and Ben struggled into a cute pair of green Chucks.
‘Ben, let’s wait on that. We need to eat, and your mom will be home soon…’
‘Mom always lets us go play in the woods before dinner. Ben will get mad if we don’t go. He likes to do things at the same time every day,’ Shelley warned.
‘She lets you go by yourself?’ I asked, bewildered.
‘No. I won’t go by myself,’ Ben answered, his eyes widening in fear. He paced back and forth in the front of the door, like a puppy waiting to be let out.
My stomach turned as I thought about going down to those woods. I took a deep breath in through my mouth and blew it out my nose, like a mad bull preparing for battle. I can’t do it.
Just the thought of going into those woods was enough to trigger a panic attack. I couldn’t imagine what would happen if I actually took them down there…
Ben rocked back and forth, the shrill screech of that squeal ripping through my head in waves. Where are you Madi? I can’t deal with these kids right now!
‘Okay. Shelley, do you know how to put on your shoes? Let me get mine on, too. But only for a few minutes, guys – you all need to eat dinner, and I’m getting hungry, too…’ It was like someone else was saying the words, some puppet master pulling my strings. Could I really face those woods again, after what happened down there?
But therein lies the problem – what did happen down there? I’d played in those woods all my life and then one day something had gone seriously wrong. The details leading up to that day were not only sketchy, they didn’t exist at all. Flashes come and go sometimes, but I haven’t thought about it for a while. I could remember going down there to play after school. I could remember the pain and the red, red, red, and the hospital room after … but other than that, my accident was a gray, smudgy speck on the part of my brain that controlled my memories.
‘I want to go now! It’s after five! We should be down there already.’ Ben was tugging at the door handle now, impervious to the fact that it was locked.
‘I can’t get it open. Open up, door!’ He smacked the door with an open, frustrated palm.
‘Ben, chill out! I’m getting my shoes on.’ What the hell does my sister do when he acts like this? And where is she, anyway?
My sandals were lined up next to the random shoe pile, my sister’s blue Nikes sitting next to mine. She was wearing those yesterday when I arrived. Did she wear a different pair of shoes to the store?
I decided then that there was no store in this scenario – the chances of her grocery shopping for five hours were pretty slim. She must have put on different shoes, but where the heck had she gone? She hadn’t said anything about having to work today, and surely, the kids went to daycare while she worked…
I considered the possibility that maybe my sister had gone to speak to John. That was probably it. She probably used the opportunity of having me here, to go and try to rekindle things with him.
Ben reached for my right hand and yanked on it. Shelley pulled on the other. As I thought about going down to those woods, my face felt hot and tingly.
I stared at my sister’s sneakers. This strange thought was taking shape, that if I wore her shoes, the answers to all my questions would seep into my skin, like where she went and what this mysterious thing was she needed to talk to me about…
I did, in fact, put her sneakers on. My sandals wouldn’t hold up well in the woods, anyway.
‘Alright, let’s go … oh, hold on. Wait, guys.’ I rushed back into the kitchen and pulled out a pad of paper and pen from the junk drawer. With shaky hands, I scrawled a short, sloppy note on the paper: Took the kids to the woods. BRB.
We went out the front door, Shelley leading the way and Ben marching behind her. Together, we circled around the inn, and both children made a beeline for the woods.
There was a narrow path at the center of the forest, the same path I’d followed as a kid…
I stopped walking, the world around me tilting left, then right, and then forward and back. I tried to steady myself, breathing in through my nose.
From here, the path appeared to be moving like a twisted snake. The mouth of the woods the snake’s gaping, waiting mouth … waiting to devour me whole.
‘I can’t.’ I choked the words out, bending at the waist and closing my eyes to stop the dizzy spell. Ben and Shelley