‘Our readers love a good backstory,’ Dominic continues, and I find a glimmer of peace in the familiar rise and fall of his voice. ‘Especially with a building as beautiful as this.’
‘Well, let’s see,’ Warren says. ‘Carlington House – this is what’s left of it – was originally built back in 1792. It was designed by a guy named Robert Parler—’
Something shifts slightly in my brain, a bell of recognition.
‘I know Robert Parler,’ I say. ‘Well, not know him, of course. I mean I know of him; my dad told me.’
Dom smiles at me, his eyes flashing over the notepad.
‘Corinne’s dad was an architect too,’ he tells Warren, and I feel that familiar sucker-punch at the use of the past tense. It’s coming up to a year since Dad died. I miss him every single day. I miss him more than anyone thinks. I’m grateful to Dom for not saying Dad’s name – Warren will no doubt have heard of him and I don’t want to have to hear him start to suck up to me. People do that when they realise who my father was – one of the most well-known architects in London, famous in the industry and beyond. But it hurts to talk about him, and I feel fragile today, as though I’m made of glass that might shatter at any second.
‘Got yourself a smart little lady here, Dom!’ Warren grins. His teeth are too big for his mouth; I spy a piece of greenery stuck in his gums. ‘So, Parler does a grand job with Carlington and it passes through the hands of local landowners, the few that were wealthy enough. But then the Blitz rolls around, and we suffer some pretty major damage. Family living in it at the time, the littlest of their kiddies is found under the rubble nearly three months later. Three months, can you believe. Tragedy.’
Warren shakes his head, presses on gleefully. I picture tiny bones, birdlike under the aftermath of a bomb.
‘So, the thing is, the place never had the chance to shine until years later, must’ve been around twenty years ago.’ He pauses, stares for a moment at the house before us. I follow his gaze; there is a sudden movement, a shower of white dust spills from the collapsing roof. A trio of rooks fly out from the left-hand corner, shooting into the light, their spidery legs trailing behind them like stray threads in the ashy grey sky. One of them calls out, fleetingly, a short sharp cry that echoes in my chest.
‘Anyway, eventually someone spotted its potential. Employed a whole new round of builders, started work again. By that time, it was owned by the de Bonnier family, you know, they were a big deal in the jewellery business? Very wealthy back then.’ Warren sucks his teeth and raises his eyebrows at me.
Dominic, in the midst of writing, pauses and looks up. ‘You’ve not been at this twenty years though, surely?’
‘Of course not, Dom, of course not.’ Warren laughs. ‘My men are quicker than that! No, the de Bonniers hired a new company, started to do the place up. Made some good progress—’
‘So what happened?’ Dominic leans forward. His breath mists the air; I watch the cloudy white of it disappear into nothingness.
‘Whole thing got abandoned.’
‘Abandoned?’
‘Yep. Story goes that some pretty deep shit went down between the de Bonniers and the architect firm. All turned a bit nasty. Lot of money lost, from what I understand. That’s what it always comes down to, isn’t it? Money.’ He waves a large hand in the air, it comes dangerously close to my shoulder.
‘So then of course, lucky us, we manage to wangle the deal and get the go-ahead to renovate. One of my biggest commissions so far, Dom, pays for the kids’ school fees, that’s what I always say. You guys got kids? Bloody rip-off these days. My missus says the little buggers are bleeding us dry.’
He turns his head towards me, I feel the heat rise in my face as his eyes meet mine. How can he say that? Doesn’t he know how lucky he is?
‘What kind of trouble went down?’ Dominic asks, saving me from answering his question.
‘Oh,’ Warren wafts a hand airily. ‘It was all a bit hush hush—’ I receive another wink ‘—I’m sure we can find out for you though! But isn’t that more your department?’ He laughs, the criticism veiled.
Dominic inclines his head. I sense his annoyance and my heart beats a little bit faster.
‘So who owns the house now?’
‘Oh, it’s being sold,’ Warren says. ‘Woman who owns it can’t afford to keep it, that’s why it’s in the state it’s in. Been left to rot, really. But someone’s finally come forward to buy it, pumped a load of money in – not that I care where the money’s coming from, as long as it’s coming!’
Dominic winces. ‘Right, right.’
Warren grins at me. ‘I can show you the house, if you like. Any excuse to show off our work, that’s what I always say.’
We are treated to a few statistics on Warren’s builders before we all stand up and Dominic takes a couple of photos. I close my eyes when the camera flashes; I hate cameras. Dad always said he hated them too, but I don’t think he did. He loved the attention, the limelight he used to get in London whenever he unveiled a new design. Flash. Flash. Dominic sees me wincing and touches my hair, asking if I’m all right, and I force myself to smile at him. The house surrounds us. I feel like it’s watching me.
Warren leads us both around the back, to where a hole in the wall gapes brutally, exposing the half-finished rooms inside. I remove a mitten and run my hand over the sturdy stone, enjoying the cold sensation. It is an off-white colour, argent grey, I think, the paint number popping into my head, an old habit from my first gallery days. A spider drifts downwards, its legs moving quickly like tiny knitting needles, spinning itself towards the soft padding of my outstretched arm. Drops of water glisten on its silvery web.
As we wander through the garden, around the crumbling walls, I feel the building enveloping me, touching me with its feelers, pulling me in. Cold fronds of air creep towards me from the dark holes where the windows should be. I stare up at the highest window, wondering who lived here, what secrets this house has held. As I turn away I see it – a flash in the darkness, a white movement. A face. There’s a face in the blackness, ghostly pale. I can see it.
I scream, put a hand to my chest and stumble backwards, my heart thudding.
‘No!’ I am saying, the words bursting out of my mouth before I can stop them. ‘No!’
‘Ssh, Corinne, ssh now, it’s all right.’ Dominic is there, holding me, telling me to calm down, it’s just him, just the flash of his camera. Nothing to see. There is nobody there. He holds me against his chest and I take deep breaths, my legs shaking, cheeks flushing as Warren stares at me. My heart is thudding uncomfortably. I can’t keep doing this, living on my nerves, panicking at nothing. Dom continues to stroke my hair and tell me everything is fine, and I know he’s right but I can’t help it, I keep picturing the sight: a face at the window, looking out at me, staring straight into my eyes.
*
I run a bath that evening while Dominic goes to buy dinner for us both. My discarded boots sit by the radiator, their insides stuffed with old newspaper. We always have far too much of it; Dominic keeps his old copies of the Herald stacked up in the hallway.
I sit on the side of the bathtub, my legs cold against the white enamel, and turn the page of a book called Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I’m trying not to think about earlier, the way I panicked at the house. It’s not good for me, these bursts of irrationality. Dom thinks it’s to do with my dad, the shock of his death. He’s said as much too.
I flip the book in my hands over. It has a picture of a serious-looking woman on the back and a photograph of a baby in a pushchair on the inside jacket flap. I have been hiding the book from Dominic